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Sunday, October 29, 2017


here in cranky people land
This cranky re-run is from October 2014
So I was off for the golf course this Monday.  Before I left I made a mental note of three things I was going to need. 

My billfold with money, credit cards, driver’s license, and golf ID.

A new sleeve of three golf balls.

Take two Ibuprofen for my arthritic hip.

I’m ready to go and I set the house alarm, step outside and lock the door. 

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”  

Now, the alarm is doing its beep-beep thing and I’m afraid that if I go in, by the time I put in the code correctly (I sometimes miss on the first try) the alarm will go off, the alarm company will call, and I don’t know the secret password.  I think its RUMPLESTILTSKIN, but what if they ask me to spell it?  Anyway, I wait until the alarm does its beep-beep-beep-beep thing and then quits.

I go inside, key in the stop alarm number, get my sleeve of golf balls, reset the alarm, go outside, and lock the door.

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”

I go through the same alarm crap, go inside, key in the stop alarm number and remember to take my billfold; I set the alarm, go outside and lock the door.

“Damn, I forgot to take the Ibuprofen.”

One more time with the alarm, I take the Ibuprofen, reset the alarm, lock up and finally I’m off to the golf course.

I played pretty well.  My recorded score for nine holes was 45.  My actual score was 48.  My should-have-been score was 42.  Forty-two is a very good should-have-been score for me.

I go home on cloud nine, and Mrs. Cranky wants to go out to dinner. 

We pull into the restaurant and I realize I forgot my billfold.

“I don’t know what happened, you must have distracted me; I never forget my billfold.  Anyway I have been having a senior day.”

Sure, blame me.  No problem, I have a credit card with me.”

When we get home after dinner I go to where my billfold is usually kept.  It was not there.

“I know why I forgot my billfold. I always put it in my golf bag, and I forgot to take it out after I was done.”

I go out to the car and check the only two pockets in the bag I would ever use.  No billfold.

Now I am upset…I may have yelled…I may have used bad language.

“I am fucked! I had about $45, two credit cards, and my driver’s license in that billfold, not to mention all my health insurance cards.”

“Calm down, are you sure it’s not in the golf bag?”

“Yes I’m sure, I just checked, you need to drive me to the course, it may still be in the parking lot.”

“Let me check the bag.”

“It’s not in the bag, I JUST CHECKED…nothing…nada…zippo…I AM FUCKED.”

“I’m going to check the bag.”                           

“It’s not in the flaming bag!  I just double checked.  I have to cancel all my credit cards, and get a new license, and who knows what hell it will take to get my insurance stuff.  I am FUCKED!!”

I follow Mrs. Cranky out to my car.

“It’s not in the bag; you have to drive me to the course.”

This, by the way is a big deal because “Dancing With The Stars” is about to begin on the TV.

“I am Fucked!”

“No you are not, and I’m not driving you to the course.”

“Why not?”

“Because here is your billfold, it was in the pocket with your rain jacket.”

“What, I never use that pocket.”

“You did today...jerk.”

I    l  o  v  e    Mrs. Cranky.


  1. You do have a good woman there, Joe! Plan on keeping her, do not misplace her.

  2. I love Mrs. Cranky is probably the best thing you can say after that, I find myself making similar statements...not about Mrs. Cranky, about my wife.

  3. Hahaha

    along with your great score in golf you may be broke your own record of being forgetful hahaha.

    I am glad you play golf , i used to see lot on t.v when had time .
    need lots of luck along with focus.

    In age of 47 i encountered many times such terrifying situations and at end knew that i had thing under my shoulder .

    interesting illustration .

  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

  5. You can always trust a woman to solve such problems. Now, where did I put my handbag.......

  6. I was laughing so hard tears came to my eyes -- not at you, with you. My New Year's resolution was to just once leave my house without having to return for the thing I forgot. Has yet to happen.

  7. These aren't just senior moments, Sweetie has been doing such stuff since i knew him. He never leaves the house on the first time out the door (his record is having to come back for something seven times) and he loses everything multiple times a day. He simply needs a keeper.

  8. You really lead an interesting life, Joe. You really do. What would you do without Mrs. Cranky? I don't know either.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  9. Don't you just hate days like that. I've just come off a spell where everything I picked up I dropped....also a 'senior' thing.

  10. You definitely have a keeper there joeh and it is smart you let her know. Think I would get rid of that alarm system though or at least simplify it.

  11. Don't feel bad. I threw away my drivers license once with the junk mail.

  12. Mrs. Cranky probably needed some ibuprofen after that!!

  13. Woman have an uncanny ability to find things.

  14. Except for the golf part, dinner part, golf bag part, and ibuprophen part, that was my Saturday. I was at Aldi and couldn't find my debit card. Thankfully they now take credit cards and after driving home praying I'd find it in my pocket of my jacket I wore on Friday I found it in the pocket of my jacket I wore on Friday..yep, I love senior moments. I just wish I had a few senior moments that were like the ones I had as a high school!

  15. Hick had a little memory lapse today (Monday) and worked it out without my help. I'm pretty sure he was avoiding an "I told you so" moment.

  16. This all sounds just way more familiar that I would like it to sound...