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Monday, November 18, 2019

THE INTERNAL GPS

THE INTERNAL GPS

Mr. Peabody's "way-back machine" takes you to a re-run from October 2011

I recently posted a blog “Handwriting” in which I poked fun at Mrs. Cranky’s chicken-scratch.  She claims I am always making fun of her, so I am now posting on one of her fabulous qualities.
Mrs. Cranky has her own built in GPS.  I believe she must have been a homing pigeon in a former life.  Plop her anywhere in New Jersey, blindfold her, spin her around, and then remove the blindfold, she will tell you where you are, and tell you the shortest route home.  In an unknown territory she has a skill many of her gender persuasion do not have.  She can read a map.

Mrs. C’s children, the step-cranks, often call for directions when they are lost.  Yes they have a Garmin, but they prefer their maternal GPS system.  Listening to these conversations is a treat.  Mrs. C does not just tell them where to turn….well just listen to an example:

“Where are you now?  Rt. 9.  OK do you see a Shell Gas Station on your right?  Good.  Go three blocks, on the right you will see an Arbee’s on the left is a Stewarts.  Go through the next light, and turn right at the “Your Gold for Sale” sign.  Three more blocks and turn left at Watanobee Street, it will be just after a large blue house with a white fence on your right.  OK then.  Good luck."

Yesterday I was sent off to grocery shop.  Mrs. Cranky made out a list in my presence to insure I could read her items.  I hate grocery shopping as I am all over the store looking for stuff.  I end up doing each aisle multiple times trying to find a single item.

Yesterday I was whipping through the store.  Every time I found an item on the list, the next item was close by.  I started with bread.  By the time I reached the last aisle, dairy, I realized why I was moving so fast.

Mrs. Cranky had placed each item in order as I would find them in the store.  Mind you, this store was the one near my Gym, a store where she seldom shops, and yet she knew where every item was.  In the exact order! 

I have no sense of direction; I am not good with maps.  Mrs. Cranky has many wonderful attributes; I particularly need her internal GPS.       

18 comments:

  1. MY WIFE doesn't have any special GPS-like qualities, but she is much smarter than me when it comes to directions. She will seek out help. I will die before asking for it :-)

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  2. Some folks have this skill and some don't. I'm in the don't column. Oh well, we'll have to live with it.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. 😎

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  3. The step-cranks calling their mom for directions while having a Garmin--oh man this made me laugh! My childhood friend Dan was one of these human compasses--he came to visit me after I left home & moved to "the big city" in 1988. He was the only one from back home who got here in an hour (where everyone else I knew took about 2). You're a lucky crank, Joe :)

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  4. Amazing gift she has! I like how she gives the directions too. I hate when GPS says "go east" and I'm like "which way is east?" Specific stores, etc. would be so much more easier!

    betty

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    1. In the mornings, head towards the sun. In the afternoons, head away from the sun. Night times? You're on your own there.

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  5. Wow - how wonderful to have a gift like that. I am totally lacking in the GPS department. When I first moved to the DC area (way back) I tried to find a shopping mall in Maryland and ended up in downtown DC. And I'm getting worse as I get older. Jim has a Fry's app on his phone that organizes his shopping list and tells him what aisle everything is in. He loves it.

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  6. That's the only kind of grocery list I make. But don't ask me where any store is at the mall and don't expect me to know street names.

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  7. All you Cranks are so lucky to have her on tap. I have had a legit GPS dump me into an orange grove. Keep her handy Joeh.
    Oh yeah, I line up my grocery list the same way. Kind of limits those impulse buys when floundering.

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  8. I, too, have that internal GPS. My wife does not. Curious.

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  9. While i doubt i could ever match her internal GPS, i generally know what direction i should go to get home, or to whatever home is at that moment (hotel, etc.). Once i figured out how to get around a city i was visiting even when the construction was shutting down certain streets at certain times.

    There's no way i could write a grocery list aisle by aisle like that, she's amazing.

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  10. Mrs. C works better than a Garmin, but I imagine it's harder to stick her on the windshield. I have never been good with directions, or with manipulating a Garmin, so Mrs. C would be my go-to source when lost.

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  11. I used to shop exactly like that, beginning with aisle one and finishing with the perimeter where the perishables and frozen goods are. it helps to know your store really well, in case you are ever in a hurry and need to find XXX in five minutes and be out already. my skill came in handy at the checkout too, when I could tell customers XXX was in aisle 9 on the right hand side, second shelf from the bottom next to the YYY. About halfway down the aisle.
    In other situations I don't tend to get lost and always make it home safely, but I can't be plonked blindfolded down into an area and suddenly know exactly where I am and how to get home.

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  12. wow

    she sounds special to me dear Joe ,the way she directs ,she must be in job where needed such incredible skill :)
    i share your intellect :( so no sense of direction even until now (how bad even at fifty ) i used to make fun of myself often by saying that if you will leave me in any street of this city i will never make it back home as i don't know where to walk
    hubby is amazing just like your wonderful lady ,not just here in his own city but he knew all areas of cities around my village which makes me not just surprise but bit jealous sometimes

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  13. Your lady wife is absolutely amazing. I thought I was pretty good at directions but most certainly I wasn't THAT GOOD.

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  14. Some people are really good at directions, like your wife. I need a GPS system to find the bathroom in our house. The other day I went upstairs to the bathroom and realised we live in a bungalow.

    God bless.

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  15. I was a pricing clerk for a supermarket chain, all stores pretty much have the the same layout, so I could go out of state to shop and do the same. Now, our local walmart brought in an "expert" to redesign the store, took me four trips before locating the sardines, who shelves sardines with the boxed dinners and macaroni?? It's with the canned meat; they put canned fruit with the chips and canned vegetables in with condiments, (they are shelved together) asking the workers didn't help much, they are still trying to find where everything went. I stay out of wm as much as possible, but in my small town sometimes it's not possible, hope your wife never makes a list and sends you to WM, if so bring hiking supplies.

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  16. Mrs. C not only is but she also has a rare gift. :) My daughter has that same GPS skill which came in super handy when I was trying to weave my way back out of a neighborhood off 8 mile. Her best advice was, "Mom, don't get out of your car just keep driving and run over people if you have to." Hahaha. True story.

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  17. OMG this made me howl. I had to read it to my husband. This is me. Hubby calls it my Uterine Tracking Device. I too give him a list in that order so it's easier and I get less calls from grocery store. I have no issue with directions but boy he sure does. How he gets anywhere when I'm not with him is amazing. Once he called from Maine. He wasn't on the road he was supposed to be (b4 GPS) but he had to call to tell me how beautiful it was. Somehow he made it to his appointments on time and the both of us can't figure out how! Thanks for this mornings giggles!

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