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Sunday, July 21, 2019

I DO IT MY WAY


I DO IT MY WAY

Guys, do you argue with your wife about how to do a household chore? 

I work at home, my wife is near

The fate I face, is almost certain

And to all, I’ll say it clear

If I do it wrong, I will be hurtin

I’ve been told, my way is bull

It is her way, or else the highway

I know for sure, she will be pissed, but I do it my way


I am not a Sinatra fan, but when I have chores around the house I cannot get this song out of my head.

It is not my wife; it is all women, or at least all women I’ve ever married.  Chores must be done the wife’s way. 

If a women is around do not even bother loading the dishwasher.  Wait until she leaves the room.   Then load it and quick start it up.  When it is finished you must also unload.  If you don’t she will see and complain that you put knives in pointy end up.  She will laugh at your poor usage of space and complain that you wasted water doing the last six glasses by hand…then she will rewash those six glasses.  You will be assaulted for putting Tupperware in the washer and assailed for having to fingernail scrape baked-on breakfast egg.

She is gone, there’s a job to do

I do it with, all good intention

I do what I have to do, and I do it with my own invention

She will say your way is worse; you turn a job in to a play-day

It’s more, much more than this, I do it my way


I will do laundry, but I will not separate.  I will jam the machine till it bursts, add soap and nothing else.  As long as she doesn’t see, then colors never run and everything comes out white, brightstains outta sight.

“Yes, I separated.  Yes I used color guard.  Yes I did multiple loads I said I separated didn’t I? Damn, I know how to do laundry.”


Yes, there are times I lie.  She can’t tell

The clothes are clean, they do not smell

The job is done, there is no doubt

I chewed it up, and I spit it out

I had to dare, to grow a pair, and do it my way


I will clean bathrooms but only when she is at work.  Everything is sprayed with Windex, and the floors are mopped by wearing old socks and doing my best imitation of the New York Rangers.


The toilet’s clean without Ajax

The sink is bright, the mirror clear

I finished up, I wipe my brow, and I have a cold beer

The difference is like night and day

The best part of all, I have to say

Because you were gone, I did it wrong

But I did it my way


The lyrics are bad, the meter wrong

I never said, I could pen a song

Guys I know, you get the point

Don’t do a job, till she leaves the joint

She’ll never know, just let her go

And do it your way


Scooby Dooby Do Baby!

Re-run from July 2014

18 comments:

  1. How it gets done at my house is of no consequence as long as it gets done. It's when i am at someone else's house that i have to be very, very careful. Some of my clients are picky.

    As for the dishwasher, throw the stuff in there any old way, and when it's time to run it, i will move even the stuff i put in there before so as to cram in a few more things. That is, back when we had a dishwasher.

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  2. This is wonderful. Yes, I like things done my way, but I also like it if he does those jobs instead. I have mellowed and my standards are not as high as they used to be. I don’t even bother to to separate colors anymore. White white doesn’t matter, as our eyesight can’t tell the difference.

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  3. Well, Jack does the laundry every Wednesday and Saturday. He also vacuums every Wednesday and I do it Saturday. I don't complain because he's better at both than me. His vacuum lines on the rug are always so straight and even..anyway, I mow the yard because I don't like the way he does it. Yep, we all have our way..the right way..and it sounds like it works for you too!

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  4. My wife just said "that's funny," then she smote me and said "You'll do it my way."

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  5. I would be shocked if Hick did any chores inside the house. He does his own laundry, but that's just to SHOW ME that he can't be told to put dirty clothes in the hamper instead of on the floor.

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  6. Here because of hubby's crazy schedule and because he's always been the main breadwinner, he's gotten the "get out of jail free card" and I have taken care of the house cleaning. I had to laugh a few years back when he was trying to figure out how the washing machine worked because he hadn't used it yet. (things will change when he retires). He is really good though about cooking and cleaning up afterward. He washes, I stack the dishwasher. I will admit that I do change the way he stacks but it is only because I unstack and the way I do it makes it easier for me to unstack. If he takes the job of unstacking then he can stack to his own way and I'm okay with it.

    He loads the shopping cart different than me. I'll put something in it and he'll put it where he wants it.

    I've gotten used to it. I let him. Though his way makes no sense.

    So we both do things our way and we both put up to some degree that the other does things their way.

    39 years in October.

    Guess it is working.

    betty

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  7. Baked-on egg yolk? Washing machine jammed full enough to burst? Tsk Tsk.
    But the Windexed bathroom is fine. I do the same for a few weeks, then give everything in there a good scrubbing, after that it's back to the Windex wipe-over.

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  8. As long as I don't see HOW it's done and the job is finished and I don't have to do it...you go ahead and DO IT YOUR WAY.

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  9. So many things we cannot do OUR way!

    God bless.

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  10. If hubby is helping then you'll get no complaints from me. He has his way and I have mine. It all works out.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. ♪♫♪♫

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  11. Loved your take on Old Blue Eyes' theme. Truthfully Joeh I never complained about how a man did a household job. I just got out of his way and appreciated the heck out of his efforts.

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  12. .... you can try, but you can't avoid the truth: If you turned the corner one day and did everything HER way she'd stay up nights coming up with new ways for each and every thing to help you back to your natural state of wrongness.

    I keep seeing this meme that claims men won't get in an argument when doing housework. Or yelled at. Or criticized. It's all a lie!

    The truth is it's a trap!!!

    How do you know you done it wrong? You're a man and you done it. :-)

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  13. i don't like anyone enter my kitchen or do jobs own way that is why i don't keep helper in spite of insistence of hubby and eldest son

    impossible to not have arguments when hubby try to do it his way because i have set up of doing stuff in mind and skipping it annoys me alot

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  14. Hahahahahahaha. This is funny! I honestly think most women would just be happy a man is helping and if he can write a funny song, bonus! :D

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  15. Hilarious! I am having fun catching up on old posts after months of not reading blogs for lack of time and energy. Decided I can only do a few from now on and yours is one of them!
    Maybe you or another reader can solve this mystery for me - why would my husband fill only 3 of 6 dishwasher silverware racks, leaving the others empty while 3 are so crammed full they never get clean? He is not dyslexic. Help! :)

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  16. The Man loses his shit when I use household objects as impromptu 'Tools'... instead of the 'appropriate' Tool! And yet, he doesn't want me touching his 'good' Tools... as if there are 'bad' ones? And why is it relevant anyway that I use a Hammer rather than an Ice-Cream Scoop to bang that nail into the Wall to hang a picture? *Winks*

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  17. ...best imitation of the New York Rangers <-- Now that made me laugh!!!

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