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Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Bug Up His Butt


Bug Up His Butt
I don’t really remember when it started.  At least four years ago, probably more, a doctor, a Viet Nam veteran from Montana decided to poke at my political views.  I have since learned through losing a good friend on Facebook, that social media is not a good venue for political conversations.  It does not lead to rational discussion. 

The cover of the internet brings out the worst in people. 

Hate prevails.

I don’t believe I have been an instigator, but I have been guilty of using social media for asserting political opinions.  I learned my lesson and for the most part have been pretty good at avoiding SM for political discussions.

I delete most Facebook political memes. I unfriend some who are relentless in opinions, either side.  I un-follow bloggers who feel the need to constantly put their two cents worth on political events.

Still the above-mentioned doctor veteran occasionally finds the time to chime in on my post.  The post could be about air travel, or making breakfast, and he will turn it into a political jab at what he perceives is my position as an unwashed ignorant deplorable.  In fact, he has no clue on my positions to most issues in our world today.

I tried to be nice to him.  I once commented on a post of his about veterans, that I thought veterans should have special consideration for their sacrifice, including a tax exemption of up to $50,000 income.  He responded that no such thing existed and that I was an idiot for believing it…read much?

Later I posted satirically about overly testosterone males and in a dig at myself used the phrase “I’d tap that” in reference to annoying men who comment on woman out of their league.  It was a joke, maybe not a good one but…Doctor Troll came back saying if I said that about his daughter, he “would go all cowboy on my ass.”  Not sure what that meant, and not sure he is cowboy enough, but I am also no longer eleven so…

Anyway, that led to a stupid pissing contest that I should have ignored and not participated because, well, I am no longer eleven.  I thought we came to a truce, but he loves to poke.  Eventually I just deleted his comments without even reading past the first few words.

If you see a comment “deleted by the administrator” this is why.

If this troll’s biography is accurate, and I believe it is, I would like to respect him for his service and obvious intellect.  Sadly, as my father used to tell me, “there are more horses asses in the world than there are horses.”

This is his last comment that I actually read: I know this’ll likely be deleted before reading, but do you know joeh how repetitive, how similar in content each post of yours are? I guess you have a target audience that likes this, or at least responds, but geeze, get original. So far you live up to every stereotype of your cranky old man persona, boring and forgettable.  Sorry but it’s true.

Why thank you troll, that is such a productive comment.  I'll try and change and be more original six day a week for another 8 years.  Maybe I could write about my kids, grand-kids and the weather every frickin post like you do, you incredibly talented hack!


So, from this day forward I say to my troll, knock yourself out, your comments will not be read, they will be once again deleted and forgotten.  You sir are dead to me.  Sorry you are such a miserable prick.

You need to take up a hobby, perhaps fishing.  If you already fish, you should fish more.

In the meantime, as my mom always said “Life is too short!” 

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Same story reported by CNN and FOX


Same story reported by CNN and FOX


I can remember a time when none of the networks had an agenda.


African American faith leaders defend Trump after White House meeting: 'He's not a racist'

FOX QUOTE:

Alveda King is niece of Dr. Martin Luther King

"The president spent a long time with us and the meeting was not a photo-op," King told "Fox & Friends" Tuesday morning. "He's not a racist. Absolutely is not, and the programs he has moved forward, the higher job market is helping African Americans, the criminal justice reform is helping African Americans."

King told Trump she had photos of him with Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson, the civil rights leader whose nonprofit Rainbow PUSH Coalition is based in Chicago, when they gave him awards.


"They began to hurl insults at the president. Nobody wants to understand that," King said. "What the president's simply saying is your communities need to be fixed and he said to Representative Cummings, Elijah Cummings, who actually said either abort the babies now or you'll kill them later. He says things like that and then you look at his community and you see individuals suffering, communities suffering, and families suffering."


Trump hosts African American pastors and faith leaders at the White House

CNN QUOTES:

After quotes by a known African American Conservative Trump supporter:

Another participant in the meeting, Alveda King, side-stepped questions from the reporters, but said that Trump is "concerned about the nation as a whole," and pointed to high employment rates in the African American community.

Monday, July 29, 2019

How Long Are You Going To Take?

How Long Are You Going To Take?

I often write about Mrs. Cranky.  Lately I am paying special attention to how she treats me. You see we have been married now four and a half years.  In six months I have a big decision to make.  Mrs. Cranky doesn’t believe me, but when we married there was some legal papers filed. I claim there is a clause which apparently she and her lawyer missed that gives me a chance to reevaluate the relationship after five years.  I call it the bail-out clause.

So far things are going very nicely.  Except for being called a jerk from time to time, we have a very nice relationship; however since I only have this one time and one time only chance of activating my bail-out clause I am closely evaluating her behavior.

Today for instance, I was washing dishes.  We are in a small apartment on the Shore where the kitchen is only feet from the living area.  We have no dishwasher, so I like to keep on top of the dirty dishes.  It was 11:00 and I was running the hot water and scrubbing dishes, pots and pans.

“How much longer are you going to be?”

“Maybe ten minutes.  What am I making too much noise washing dishes?  Oh, what a horrible inconsiderate husband, noisily washing the dishes while you are trying to get caught up on “Say Yes to the Dress” on the TV.  I am sooo sorry.”

“I didn’t say you were making too much noise.”

“I know you; I know exactly why you were asking.”

“I don’t think you do.”

“Then why do you care that I am washing the dishes?”

“Well it is not because I can’t hear.”

“OK, I’m sorry, I thought I was disturbing your TV watching with my dish washing. “

“See, you don’t know everything Mr. Smartypants.”

“So why do you care how much longer I am going to take doing the dishes?”

“Just curious.”

“WHY…?”

“OK, I’m watching on-demand and have the TV on pause while you are making all that noise.”

One step closer to invoking the clause in six months.
Re-run from July 2015...and yes, the clause ran out.

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Stupid Headline Sunday 072819


Stupid Headline Sunday 072819

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.

___________________________________

Rescued turtle manages to return to the group that saved the animal nearly 2 decades ago – Well it was at least 200 yards from where they set him free.

Two Southwest Airlines planes collide while backing away from the gate – Couldn’t at least one pilot hear the “Beep Beep?”

Forever 21 blasted for sending Atkins diet bars with plus-size clothing orders – Not very nice, probably a poor marketing strategy. They might as well say, “Here is your order Fatso!” And yet I find this to be funny as Heck.  Sorry.

New Mexico woman orders food, tells server 'this one's on God' before fleeing – Surprisingly enough, God is not a good tipper.

Indiana woman steals dentures, wears them to meeting with probation officer - #caughtwithoutmyteethin #takingabiteoutofcrime #gumdecision #illhavejailsoup #shesnotthetoothfairy" Hashtags are courtesy of the Sherriff’s Office.

Police pull over Colorado driver who fixed tail light with red sports drink bottle – You have to give him credit for ingenuity.

Colorado father and son 3D printing their own Lamborghini – But you have to wear those crappy cardboard glasses with the red and green lenses to drive it.

Jenna Bush Hager Blames Sunglasses For Prince Harry Not Being Her Brother-In-Law – And if not for binoculars she could have been queen.

Climate change protesters arrested after super-gluing themselves to US Capitol – Quite a sticky situation…no, that’s too easy, how about, they were unglued when released?...still too easy, I’ll just go with Really stupid idea!

Power outage in Washington D.C. – Congress is going on vacation, so I guess that is a power outage, but not sure anyone will notice.

Idaho firefighters respond to fire alarm at animal shelter, discover cat triggered it – It was a false alarm, and the cat tried to blame the dog.


Feel- Good Story of the Week

A Missouri man's secret search for his wife's lost wedding ring - Love it when a plan comes together.














Friday, July 26, 2019

When Pop Got Angry


When Pop Got Angry



I can’t remember when I got my driver’s license.  Such a momentous occasion you would think I would remember.   I guess that is a real sign of old age.  I was either 16 or 17. 

We owned a 16-foot outboard, with a Merc 30 engine.  It was not kept in the water; we would drop it in the water from a public ramp when we took it to fish or water ski.  

It was not much over a few months after I got my drivers license that I was allowed to tow that boat an hour and a half on the Parkway to the shore where my friends and I would ski and or fish.

Towing a small boat is no easy feat, at least not for a 16/17-year-old kid.  Towing it was hard enough, but backing that thing down a ramp was very tricky.  I learned pretty fast how to follow the trailer and I never got it jackknifed or had any accidents towing that boat.

When I think back, it is hard to believe that my Pop’s would have allowed an inexperienced driver to tow that boat.  I don’t remember him giving me any lessons other than watching him tow and back up the boat for years.

Anyway, Pop was a big believer in let them go, let them learn, and hope for the best.

One time he was sorry for trusting me, though to this day I still don’t think it was my fault.

Apparently in those days, the trailer wheel bearings were not very water protected.  When you drop the boat in the water from the ramp, the trailer wheels go under the water.  

Hot bearings from an hour drive dropped into cold water apparently creates a suction that draws water into the bearings.

Water mixed with bearing grease does not go very well.

When towing, the grease gets gunked up, the bearings heat up and then cease up.

This happened to our trailer wheels.  It happened when Pop was towing the boat, by himself, on the Garden State Parkway, late at night, in a wicked rain storm.  The wheels froze up and damn dear dragged him off the road in a big pile up.

Pop was not happy.

In the night, in the rain, he jacked the trailer up, removed the wheels, and returned the next day with new bearings and fresh grease.  He was really not happy.

When he returned home, I was instructed in a most animated and disagreeable fashion on the importance of re-greasing the bearings after every trip.  

Did I mention that he was very angry, and wet, and I think he may have had a bad cold?

I am positive I was never warned of the water in the bearing problem before this incident.  I did not offer that excuse to my Pop.

From that time, after every boat trip, I removed the wheels, removed the bearings, cleaned them in gas, dried them out, replaced them and repacked them in fresh grease.

I suspect today that technology has solved the problem and the bearings are water tight.

Still…

If I owned a boat and trailer today, I would remove the wheels, remove the bearings, clean them in gas, dry them out, replace them and repack them in fresh grease after every time I put the boat into the water.

Did I mention my Pop’s was really angry?



Thursday, July 25, 2019

The Curse Of being Left-handed


The Curse Of being Left-handed
I hate stringing my guitars.  I do a sloppy job.  It comes out OK, but it does not look very good.  They will string them for you at the Guitar Store, but they charge like $15 plus the $7 stings.

If your going to play the guitar, you need to be able to do your own strings.  They show you how to do it on the internet, so I knuckled under and decided to learn.

My first guitar, I followed the directions and took my time.  It took about an hour (I said I took my time) and they looked pretty good.  I was very proud.

Then I did my good guitar, the Mahogany Martin.  This was not so easy.  This guitar has slotted pegs.  The internet instructions were not for slotted pegs.   It should not make any difference, but being left-handed I was confused.
Standard pegs on right, slotted on the left...no WAIT, it is the other way around.  See what I mean.

I am not an ignorant person, I graduated from a fine College, I survived 40 years in the work force, I have trouble with clock-wise and counter clock-wise…go ahead, laugh if you must, it is a result of doing some things right-handed, and some things left-handed.

I always turn a screw the wrong way.  Whether to tighten or loosen, I always start the wrong way.  I have the same issue with stringing my guitars.

For most guitars, it is obvious that you have to string them counter clockwise or the strings will overlap.  This is less true for the slotted tuners, especially for the highest “E” string, the first string on the pegs.

So, I strung the Mahogany Martin 000-15 SM, and was very pleased with myself.

When I went to tune it correctly the last string would not tune properly.  When I tightened it, the tone went lower instead of higher…WTF?

Somehow I managed to string that last string clock-wise, instead of counter clock-wise…the curse of being left-handed.

Chances are, if I re-wrapped that string it would be a mess.  There was nothing really wrong with that string being wrapped wrong, so I did not change it.

When my future step-son-in-law visits, he sometimes plays with that guitar.  He is an actual skilled musician and guitar player.  I wonder how long it will take him to figure out that last strings was wound the wrong way.

Probably about three seconds.

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

The Tiny Hair Mystery


The Tiny Hair Mystery




One of my household chores is to clean the bathroom.  I don’t mind that much; it is a pretty easy job.  I’m not so fond of reaching around and behind the toilet to get at those hard to reach places but otherwise cleaning can be therapeutic.

Well it could be therapeutic, if not for tiny hairs.  I don’t know where they come from, but bathrooms are loaded with tiny hairs.  You do not see them ordinarily, they only come out when everything is clean.  They prefer porcelain, perhaps because it is white.

I first clean the mirror and the sink and counter.  It sparkles…then, out of nowhere, a hair.  I remove it from the sink when I look up at the mirror, a hair.  This goes on from sweeping and moping the floor to cleaning the toilet and the shower.  Everything is clean, everything sparkles, except, I keep finding hairs.

I clean regularly.  I am bald, Mrs. C has long hair.  I do not know where the tiny hairs come from.  It is not like we are hairy people, we have no pets.  These hairs are the size of eyebrow hairs. 

We only have two sets of eyebrows in the house, how many loose hairs can there be?

The answer is, one.  There is always one tiny hair that shows up after I clean the bathroom.  It is one of the great mysteries of my house. 

Do the laundry; lose one sock.

Drop anything on the floor; it will bounce under the closest obstacle possible.

Clean the bathroom; there will always be one tiny hair.

Monday, July 22, 2019

One IF By Air, Two if it Lands


One IF By Air, Two if it Lands



Hot time, summer in the suburbs, back of my head getting buzzed by one dang fly! 

I hate it when a fly gets in the house.  These days of screens and no kids running n and out, we do not get many flies in the house; when we do neither of us can relax.  Mrs. C is obsessed with eliminating the fly.  I become obsessed with eliminating the fly.

Late in the summer, the fly elimination is easy.  Those flies are big and fat and slow.  They always head for the glass door and buzz at it trying to get out.

Stupid fly…SWAT, SPLAT, fly is eliminated.

Early summer, the flies are smaller, faster and have greater endurance.  They do not head for the glass door to escape as quickly and they often bump and run where we do not see them.

We had one of these today.  

Mrs. C grabbed the swatter and waited by the door in case the fly tried to flea…(see what I did there?).  I wandered through the kitchen with my electric swatter, randomly slashing in the air, sometimes you get lucky and zap the bugger.  I actually did get a spark, probably a no-see-um thing.

Bzzzzapp! 

“Got him!”

ZZZZzzzzzZZZZ

“No, I didn’t.”

I continued to flail away at the air hoping for a lucky shot.

“Stop…over here, he is over here around the glass door.”

I swatted at the air around where he was last spotted when,

SMACK!

Mrs. C got him with one try as he tried to escape through the glass.

Sometimes you have to double team the little ones.

We shall sleep well tonight.

Sunday, July 21, 2019

I DO IT MY WAY


I DO IT MY WAY

Guys, do you argue with your wife about how to do a household chore? 

I work at home, my wife is near

The fate I face, is almost certain

And to all, I’ll say it clear

If I do it wrong, I will be hurtin

I’ve been told, my way is bull

It is her way, or else the highway

I know for sure, she will be pissed, but I do it my way


I am not a Sinatra fan, but when I have chores around the house I cannot get this song out of my head.

It is not my wife; it is all women, or at least all women I’ve ever married.  Chores must be done the wife’s way. 

If a women is around do not even bother loading the dishwasher.  Wait until she leaves the room.   Then load it and quick start it up.  When it is finished you must also unload.  If you don’t she will see and complain that you put knives in pointy end up.  She will laugh at your poor usage of space and complain that you wasted water doing the last six glasses by hand…then she will rewash those six glasses.  You will be assaulted for putting Tupperware in the washer and assailed for having to fingernail scrape baked-on breakfast egg.

She is gone, there’s a job to do

I do it with, all good intention

I do what I have to do, and I do it with my own invention

She will say your way is worse; you turn a job in to a play-day

It’s more, much more than this, I do it my way


I will do laundry, but I will not separate.  I will jam the machine till it bursts, add soap and nothing else.  As long as she doesn’t see, then colors never run and everything comes out white, brightstains outta sight.

“Yes, I separated.  Yes I used color guard.  Yes I did multiple loads I said I separated didn’t I? Damn, I know how to do laundry.”


Yes, there are times I lie.  She can’t tell

The clothes are clean, they do not smell

The job is done, there is no doubt

I chewed it up, and I spit it out

I had to dare, to grow a pair, and do it my way


I will clean bathrooms but only when she is at work.  Everything is sprayed with Windex, and the floors are mopped by wearing old socks and doing my best imitation of the New York Rangers.


The toilet’s clean without Ajax

The sink is bright, the mirror clear

I finished up, I wipe my brow, and I have a cold beer

The difference is like night and day

The best part of all, I have to say

Because you were gone, I did it wrong

But I did it my way


The lyrics are bad, the meter wrong

I never said, I could pen a song

Guys I know, you get the point

Don’t do a job, till she leaves the joint

She’ll never know, just let her go

And do it your way


Scooby Dooby Do Baby!

Re-run from July 2014

Friday, July 19, 2019

It Is My Money And I Need It Now


It Is My Money And I Need It Now


“It is my money, and I need it now!”

TV is saturated with this commercial for people receiving a monthly payout or a future annuity who want to collect a lump sum of money now. 

This is a great idea if you placed a bad bet on the Super Bowl and a guy named Bruno wants a bunch of money or he is going to break your leg.

It is a great idea if you need a major car repair in order to get to work every day.

It is “Your money”, but do you really NEED it now, or do you just want it now?  Do you want to give up on a steady income or future retirement funds so you can get a riding lawn mower, or vacation in the Dominican Republic, or spend money like a big shot?

I don’t know how these deals work.  I assume the company factors the amount of money promised over a period of time and current interest rates, places a lump sum value on the payout and delivers that lump sum minus a large commission in exchange for those payouts.

It’s your money, and you are selling a big chunk of it because you WANT it now!

If you could reject Social Security and replace it with a personal investing program, you could retire in style when the time comes instead of receiving a pittance.  The problem with that plan is so many people will NEED/want that money now, and it will never make it to retirement.

Too many young people do not contribute to 401K plans, because they NEED/want that money now.

Build up equity in your home?  Reverse mortgage…it’s your money and you NEED/want it now.

We are saddled with debt these days.  We are bereft of savings.

When I graduated from college, I received a Visa card from my bank.  It was good for whatever money was in my account.  After a year I had a credit line of $300.

Today people graduate with massive student loans, and significant lines of credit.  Many use this credit to the max because “They NEED/want the money now.”

I wonder, is the high expense of College a function of the ease to pay for it through credit?  Are we going into debt to become “Relationship Experts” or “Historians of Diversity in America?”

Are credit cards maxed out because we NEED/want expensive vacations, fancy cars, the best of everything?

There are many people driving a Lexus, a BMW, or other high-end car at 2 or 3 hundred dollars a month more than a Honda?  How many of those people have debt and zero savings? How much nicer is that car that you pay through the nose even though you have debt and no savings?

It is easy to get credit; it is also very expensive to get it.  I suppose there is plenty of time to pay it back.

It will be your money someday, and you probably NEED/want it now!

Thanks to massive money spent on anti-smoking campaigns use of tobacco is rapidly declining.  It is no longer cool to smoke.  There is no longer peer pressure to smoke.  Couldn’t we also educate people about the scourge of debt?  We should make un-needed debt the same pariah that we have made smoking.

Maybe the Government will bail people out and simply pay for it further down the road.

I wonder where that money will come from?  If it is MY money, I want it now!

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

More Golf


More Golf


Well it is either golf or nothing at all, so…golf.

I was back on the course for the first time after several weeks at the Shore.  You might think that after three or four weeks of not playing I would have stunk the place out.  Actually, sometimes for us duffers, time off allows you to forget all those bad habits and play better.

Today that was the way.  I was hitting the ball very well…for me that is.  The biggest problem was with the sun, my eyesight, and playing on my own, I did not see where almost every shot went.  I knew I hit it well and the general direction, but did not find most balls until I about tripped over them.

Several shots were on the green, a good place to be, but even though I thought the shots were good, it takes some of the enjoyment away to not immediately see the result.

The next problem I encountered is it was FLAMING HOT.  I did not tee off until 11:30, pretty much peak heat of the day.  It was 95, no breeze and humid as all not-Heaven.

I took regular water breaks and rested in the shade when I could.  I think I was the only golfer on the front nine.  On the eight hole, I waited while grounds people were watering the green.  After about 10 minutes I decided to go ahead and hit even though they did not stop the watering.  As I was lining up my shot, the sprinklers went off on my tee area.  I think they were trying to turn off the sprinklers on the green and hit the tee sprinklers instead.

Their mistake was welcome as I let the sprinklers make several passes at me before I hit.

I barely dragged my behind to the finish, I only played nine…eighteen and I would have melted.  My reward was going to be a tall vodka tonic, but the new grill “Bar” still did not have a liquor license.  I had vodka at home, so my reward just had to wait a bit.

I sipped the drink while still dripping wet and barely able to move.  I will think twice before playing in that heat again.

Oh yeah, I shot 43 for nine holes.  Not bad for an old man.


Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Road Rage Rant


Road Rage Rant
What is it with people that just do not want to give an inch on the highway?  Merging into a traffic-jammed turnpike and there is always some scuzzbag that refuses to let you in.  These scuzzbags generally have NY plates and or drive a BMW…I guess they ae just better than everyone else. 

What do they expect, I’m not allowed on the highway?  If everyone was a scuzzbag that would be the case.  Not surprisingly when you allow these same scuzzbags into a merging lane, they never give you the thank-you wave.

Here is one that is really the squeaky chalk on my blackboard; waiting at a traffic light to turn left, no one behind me, and there is a line across the way about 18 miles deep.  If I cannot make the left turn, I’ll have to wait in the intersection until the light turns back to red.  You might think the first car across the way would delay enough for me to make my left turn. 

You would think wrong. 

NO!! They stomp on the gas as soon as the light turns, they actually start to creep when it is amber on the other side because GOD forbid I turn in front and his trip is delayed an eighteenth of a second…better I wait four minutes in the intersection than this asshat be delayed an eighteenth of a second.

The other day, same above situation, and I stomped on the gas to beat the asshat that was going straight.  The dude actually leaned on his horn and steered towards me like to ram my car, before turning away at the last second.

He sure taught me a lesson!

Here is another tool-for-a-brain that should be banned from my roads.  Coming home from an errand, this asswipe has to tailgate me all the way to my turn off.  Hell, I was only doing ten MPH above the limit. 

As I slowed down to turn right into my development, he sped up and ran within a foot of my rear end without veering to the left.

Taught me another lesson.

Sometimes when these D-bags tailgate me, I pull to the side of the road and let them pass, when I catch up at the next stoplight, I make sure to beep and wave.

Sometimes I wave with one finger.

Sunday, July 14, 2019

I MIGHT BE A PRICK!

I MIGHT BE A PRICK!

I might be a prick.  I don’t think I am a prick, but I just might be.  Why you ask, do I think I might be a prick?

I am not a wealthy man, but I can afford a buck.  Giving one dollar to a worthy cause will not affect my life style.  I should be willing to give a dollar to worthy causes, but apparently I am a prick.

Yesterday Mrs. C and I went grocery shopping.  When my bill was rung up, the cashier asked me, “Would you like to donate a dollar to the Something Something Blah Blah Blah FOR CHILDREN?

I have no idea what this charity was for.  All I heard was FOR CHILDREN.  What cause that ends in FOR CHILDREN would not be worth handing over a single dollar?  Probably none, except apparently I am a prick.

“No thank you, I don’t want to give a measly dollar to the Something Something Blah Blah Blah FOR CHILDREN, because I am a prick!”

The thing is, I just don’t like being hit up for a charity when I am not expecting it.  I don’t like that the store hits me up when I am running up a credit charge.  I don’t like the fact that I won’t be able to declare my contribution as a tax deduction, but the store probably will.  I give a buck and one million other blindsided customers give a buck and the CEO of the grocery store gets his picture in the paper handing over a tax deductible check for $1 million dollars. 

It just bothers me…but then I am a prick.

I give to charities from time to time.  I give to charities I care about, charities that hit close to my home.  If I give a buck to the store, it is one dollar less I have to give to my charities; so I say no and feel like a prick!

“No thank you, I don’t want to give a measly dollar to the Something Something Blah Blah Blah FOR CHILDREN, because I am a prick!”

After the grocery store we went to “Boston Market” to take home our dinner.  Checking out I was asked,

“Would you like to donate a dollar to the CHILDRENS FUND for something something?”

Mrs. C immediately pulled me by the arm, said no thank you and dragged me out of the store before I went on a rant to some poor 17 year old cashier who was only doing her job.

The next time I am asked for a dollar while checking out of a store I am going to ask to see the manager.  When he shows up I am going to ask him if he would like to donate a dollar to the Lustgarten Foundation to find a cure for pancreatic cancer.  If he says no I will just shake his hand and say “Well let’s just call it a draw then.”

If he says yes, I’ll do the same thing.

At least then I won’t feel like a prick.
re-run from July 2015