STUPID HEADLINES 040719
Bikini-clad bride weds groom in overalls,
caps off wedding with roll in the mud – Why, yes, this was in Florida, why do you ask?
Walmart partners with Google for
voice-assisted grocery shopping – Yeah, like any man will ask for help at a supermarket.
4th grader’s two-year plan: I want to
make $3 million – I
have a similar plan, only not quite $3 million, and I still have 50 years to
get there.
Jussie Smollett's lawyer threatens
Chicago, Rahm Emanuel if they go after 'Empire' star for cash – And the winner of this years “Nervy”
goes to the nerviest* MF ever, Jussie Smollett!
Come on up Jussie, oh, and don’t trip in your noose.
Elon Musk explains reason for Tesla
Model 3's mysterious cockpit camera – “Hey, I just like to look up rich women’s skirts!”
Study challenges health benefits of moderate
drinking – Coffee
good…coffee bad, carbs good…carbs bad, alcohol good…alcohol bad. It’s enough to drive me to drink!
Confirmed: This Is How You Should
Hang Your Toilet Paper – Original patent shows paper hangs over…apparently the inventor did not own
a cat.
Video shows man allegedly stealing
chainsaw, hiding it in his pants – Seemed like a good idea until a hot young lady walked by…now
he won’t be needing a vasectomy.
Family finds hidden camera in
Airbnb's smoke alarm – Probably in case there was a fire they would have it on tape…or…
Florida Man driving stolen Jeep
returns to scene looking for lost cellphone – Good chance there was alcohol
involved…alcohol and Florida, perfect together.
FEEL-GOOD STORY of the
WEEK:
Nurse adopts girl who had no visitors
during hospital stay – From really sad to FEEL-GOOD!
*Why I love
spell check…as you may know I am a terrible speller. I originally misspelled “nerviest” so badly
that spellcheck could not offer me a correction. I changed it to “most nervy” and spell check
suggested “nerviest.”
We had some traveling nurses for 3 months to fill in a staff shortage. One of the nurses stayed at an Airbnb here in Ashland. At the end of his contract the hosts at the bnb had a little party for him. They drank all night long. The hosts were ministers and had invited their minister friends over too. Maybe it was caught on a hidden camera? Or maybe they were just trying to show how healthy they could be after drinking all night....oh, that nurse was late for his last day of work...and was sick all day too. I guess they forgot about the "moderate drinking" part.
ReplyDeleteOf course my 13-year-old self loves a headline about a "happy ending." Plus the judged sex, and the chainsaw vasectomy.
ReplyDeleteThat 4th grader, i want to interview him in 20 years.
ReplyDeleteOK, so my inner 13-year-old is wondering if a 'roll in the mud' is just a beach-y version of a 'roll in the hay'. . .
ReplyDeleteThe UK judge just pisses me off. . .
The headlines made me laugh and the adoption story made me cry.
ReplyDeleteAround My Kitchen Table
Amazing headlines.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
And the world goes round and round .........
ReplyDeleteA new use for a chainsaw! Well, who would have thought.
ReplyDeleteAnd I just keep shaking my head over Florida.
ReplyDelete