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Monday, April 15, 2019

Which came first, the Jerk or the Bitch?

Which came first, the Jerk or the Bitch?

Hop in the way-back machine with Mr. Peabody to April 2015 where things have not changed very much at The Cranky's

Which came first, the jerk or the bitch?  It’s a question I am sure that many married couples ask.  It was asked in the Cranky home this morning.  It started when Mrs. C complained to me that I over cooked her waffle.  

I guess I need to explain.

Every morning I get my breakfast, eggs and bacon, and when I come back upstairs with my cup of coffee I bring Mrs. Cranky a glass of OJ and a toasted Eggo Waffle (plain, no syrup…I KNOW!).  This morning she complained to me that I left the waffle in the toaster too long while I was brewing my coffee.

“Next time, brew your coffee first, so you don't leave the waffle in the toaster.  That overcooks it.”

How she knew I toasted the waffle and then hit “brew” on the Kurig thing leaving the toasted waffle in the still hot toaster I’ll never know…she just knows stuff.  

Anyway I complained that she doesn’t appreciate that I bring a waffle and juice to her every morning.

“I never ask you to make it for me, but if you are going to make it, make it right.”

“Oh, I forgot you don’t like people to do things for you, you don’t want to be beholding to anyone.  It’s OK I won’t bother you with bringing you breakfast anymore.”

“That’s not true, I like that you bring me the waffle and OJ!”

“Well you never show it, you usually complain about the way it is toasted.”

“Not true.”

“Very true.”



“If you weren’t such a jerk, I wouldn’t be a bitch.”

“If you weren’t such a bitch, I wouldn’t be a jerk.”

And so the discussion morphed from complaining about an over toasted waffle to which came first, my being a jerk, or Mrs. C being a bitch.

We still have not reached a conclusion.

Currently I believe I am losing.


  1. Tomorrow don't bring her a waffle or juice. We'll see how that works out. You know I think you just can't win. At anything.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. 😎

  2. Um, I'm reading the transcript above. Sure looks like the Jerk came first ....

    Frankly, I didn't know this was that kinda BLOG ... ;-)

  3. This is a no-win situation. Damned if you do, damned if don't.

    Good luck on that.

    Personally I like waffles on the crispy side. Depends what burned is burned.

    traveling preacher came a long way.

  4. Why do toasters have a burnt to a cinder setting?

    God bless.

  5. Well of course you're losing. Women know things that haven't even happened yet.

  6. This just made me tear up. Not having anyone care about my breakfast is just a sad fact of life right now. So I say just go right on hashing out the bitch/jerk question and appreciate your life together.

  7. But you enjoy the roles so much, don't change a thing. Plus makes for a fun post.

  8. You might have to hop into the Way-WAY-Back Machine to find the answer. I'm stuck on a different question. Why do people like orange juice with a waffle? I think the waffle makes the orange juice extra-sour.

  9. As long as you are still talking to each other, it doesn't matter which came first.

  10. This speaks of such passion between you and Mrs.C. A movie should be made, maybe, 50 Shades of Waffles.

  11. I had to laugh at Staring Over Accepting Changes Maybe's comment. She takes the cake I do believe. This is why we don't have waffles at our house. I'm sure it would be a thing of contention if we do.


  12. Your blog post makes my day. If my husband ever fixed my breakfast and brought it to me I would have been SURPRISED! you two love each other and that's all that matters. I think Jerk comes first. Lol

  13. I suggest you bring her the OJ, an UNcooked waffle, the toaster and a very long extension cord in case there isn't an outlet close enough to the bed. I discovered I don't like waffles, I'd rather have pancakes. One of my kids has an electric waffle maker and wondered one day if you could cook chocolate cake mix in it to have a chocolate waffle cake. You can't. The mess was truly awful.

  14. I get the feeling that whatever you do is wrong but it makes me laugh.

  15. I think it's very thoughtful of you to make her waffle. However, I'm also picky about how toasted my Eggo waffle gets, so I would not want anyone else making it.

  16. I think Mrs C should be happy you go to all that trouble for her..she's a lucky gal. There are starving people in Ashland, Ohio who never get breakfast..(unless they make it themselves and usually that gal's on the road by 6:15 so no waffles, OJ, or anything else..not that she's complaining)

  17. Just don't throw the toaster into the tub while Mrs. C is taking a bath!