FIRST DATE
This was
their first date, they met on-line through a dating service and the old dude's banter was awkward at best.
“So how do you know I’m not a pervert
or a sex maniac?”
(Smooth move
dude, next you should tell her you have a wood chipper.)
“I did some research on Google. I know where
you live and I didn’t see
an arrest record.”
I am far
from an expert on dating, but I’m pretty sure this was not getting off to a
good start.
The old dude
was a real talker. I’m sure he thought
he was doing really well. The lady had a
look on her face like this dinner could not go fast enough.
The
conversation went right to the Bible. This
would not be my choice on a first date or any date for that matter.
“Most of the fake stuff, you know like the
miracles are just for the ignorant people, to tell them how to live their life.”
“Well I think…”
Interrupting,
“I mean stupid people need fairy tales
to give them guidance.”
(Dude, Psalms: “Yeah though I blather through the valley of dating death I will fear
no bluster.”)
“Well I think…”
Interrupting, “Anyway we probably should talk about
something less controversial, what do you think about Hillary, isn’t she a
mess?”
“Why, what’s wrong with Hillary?”
(Oh dude…get
out now.)
He went on
to explain how Hillary’s economic ideas will bankrupt the country. It’s been a long time since I took economics,
but I’m pretty sure this guy was not an economics professor.
Next subject
was transvestites, bathrooms and Obama, then how his wife died (Mrs. C
suggested she killed herself) to a question about
kids. Before she could answer he started
in about all his children and grandchildren.
Mercifully the check
finally came and they left. I’m guessing this
was also their last date. I felt sorry for
both of them. He seemed like an ass-hat,
but he is probably a nice man who hasn’t had a date in forty years and just didn’t know what to
say. Dating is hard especially when you’ve
been married for like...forever.
I’m thinking
this was a difficult first step for both.
Both are probably lonely. Dating
sucks at any age.
Mrs. Cranky and I
hardly said anything at dinner. We were
mostly eavesdropping, but we often don’t say much at dinner. We don’t have to, were not dating. I’m glad were not dating.
I’m glad I have Mrs. Cranky.
I’m glad I have Mrs. Cranky.
Dating was so long ago I forgot how to start.
ReplyDeleteThe Old Bat and I talk very little at dinner; we're too busy earwigging what other folks are saying!
ReplyDeleteThe thought of dating again sends me into a cold sweat - guess I'll just have to keep SD around ...
ReplyDeletefunny, sad and sweet ending (for you).
ReplyDeleteIf Sweetie goes, i have no intention of wanting to date ever again. A life of blessed singleness sounds much easier.
ReplyDeleteSo, at my age there's still hope!! On second thoughts, nope!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine dating at that age; dating at times younger was awkward, older would be worse I think. I'm not dating or getting married again if I'm left behind.
ReplyDeletebetty
I think whatever charm I may have had (not much) went AWOL long ago. To paraphrase Groucho Marx, "any woman that would date me (at this point in my life), I want no part of." ;)
ReplyDeleteYep, he's rusty and full of himself. She was probably thrilled to get away from him. Bless his heart.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day Cranky. I'm glad you have Mrs. Cranky too. ☺
Oh boy.....talk about awkward! I think if I'm ever in that situation (of senior dating) I will do some better research than that woman did. Those types usually post their political views on FB!
ReplyDeleteand I'm glad I have you!
ReplyDeleteEven though he's a JERK?
DeleteI've been married 61 years--what's dating?
ReplyDeleteI finally realized everyone has so much past by this time--not necessarily bad baggage, but a history; a life already lived, that starting anew requires the diplomacy of, say, John Kerry or Madeline Albright. Those on line sites needs to provide a history review, for better decision making.
ReplyDeleteAt the end, I'm not sure if you were trying to gain husband points or put yourself back to bed alone.
ReplyDeleteLisa
At least they're making an effort!
ReplyDeletejUst when I was thinking it's about time to jump back in the stream...you had to come along with a horror story.
ReplyDeleteI was going to say the same thing about how long it had been since his last date.
ReplyDeleteThe lines that worked during the Carter Administration might not work anymore.
He might want to aim for an even older audience if he wants to be able to completely dominate the conversation like that, though. Maybe go for the vegetative state gals.
I've been married 42 years to the same woman. I wouldn't know how to begin dating. I'd probably do worse than the old dude.
ReplyDeleteR
Yikes, that was scary. Somehow I'd hoped we outgrew awkward and offensive as good sense and confidence took over but I guess they age right along with us. Think I'll keep my toe out of the water.
ReplyDeleteThat was a smooth move at the end Cranky.
Know what you mean, pal, know what you mean. And, yes, that was a smooth move.
ReplyDeleteSince retiring, when in Montana and not fishing in the noonish hour, I often watch out the front large window at the passersby going on their constitutionals uphill to the university. Male and female in various combinations. It seems that always it's the male, given whatever the number, to be the one pontificating (my word, substitute 'talking') and the women listening, or at least their lips not moving.
ReplyDeleteDunno if it's a 'first date' thing, a relationship thing or what.
I know just how the old man felt, I tend to ramble on about whatever pops into my head too, just trying to cover the awkwardness. I'm socially inept.
ReplyDeleteDating is awful. I think that's why Mr. Pixel proposed after something like three or four dates. Because once you're engaged it's not "dating" any more. Of course that was almost 30 years ago, so dating has possibly become worse now.
ReplyDelete