HOW I WILL SPEND 950
MILLION DOLLARS
I fully expect
to win the 1.5 billion dollar lottery tonight.
That will be, I am told, almost 950 million dollars after taxes. Having that much money is quite a responsibility,
so I need to plan early how I will spend it.
First I will
put 1 million dollars into ten different banks for safe keeping.
Next I will
invest 25 million in the stock market.
Third I will
buy a large house in Hawaii.
Fourth I
will give all my children, step children and grandchildren 1 million dollars.
Fifth I will
give Bobby Billinsby a quarter, after I spit on it. You know why Bobby!
Sixth I will
give all nephews and my niece, who still call me Uncle Joe 1 million dollars,
those who just call me Joe will only get $500,000.
Seventh I
will set up a trust fund to send left handed high school boys who are lousy
spellers but do not have any marks on their permanent record to college.
This will leave
me with approximately 900 million dollars with which I have no idea what to do.
Just thinking
of what to do with the extra 900 million is giving me a headache.
What to do,
what to do? Nine hundred million
dollars, that is a lot of responsibility.
People will be knocking on my Hawaiian door, right handed high school
kids will claim to be left-handed, my relatives will all become lazy and
everyone else will hate me.
Screw it, I can’t
take the pressure. I’m not buying a
ticket. I’m going to wait till the lottery drops down to a manageable 10
million dollar winnings.
I probably wouldn’t
have won anyway.
As good a plan as any.
ReplyDeleteI've not played in years. It's like throwing money in the toilet and flushing. I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day. ☺
But if you change your mind and buy the lucky ticket, Joe, old pal, old buddy, best friend forever . . . .
ReplyDeleteI once found a quarter on the floor in a Reno grocery. I put it in a nearby slot machine. I won four quarters. I put one in the machine, lost it. Same for numbers two, three and four. End of my gambling career.
ReplyDeleteI would have walked away with the four quarters.
DeleteI wasn't going to buy one. Tommy begged me because he wants a Lamborgini. We went to a convenience store for a snack and I overheard someone buying one. I said, ah heck, give me 5 for $10. I'll keep enough to keep all of my family and me rich then give the rest to my favorite charities. This is going to be a great night!
ReplyDeleteAnd the curious thing is, there be Canucks who are going over to Buffalo, (and other such winter wonderlands) to buy tickets. Not sure how the heck they'd collect if they were to win. I can't even begin to fathom the complications.
ReplyDeleteThat's a sh*tload of money. You could buy a small country! There you go, problem solved! You're welcome.
Speaking of Italian cars, I heard on the radio that more Ferraris were sold in Washington, DC than any other city..... but get this..... all went for cash. You're paying for expensive Italian cars right now but didn't it. LOL
ReplyDeleteI love you, Uncle Joe!!
ReplyDeleteWe once had a poster that said, "Money is like manure--no good unless you spread it around."
Deletelove it.
ReplyDeleteHas the thought of giving your favorite blogging friends a cool million not occurred to you yet?
ReplyDeleteSo much money boggles the mind... Just HOW MANY cameras could you buy with that....
Maybe you could buy a really expensive TV to only watch PBS on. Or send me to teacher rehab to quit ending sentences with prepositions.
ReplyDeleteBuy a ticket anyway, you may win a lesser prize. Something in a more manageable size.
ReplyDeleteWhew! That was close!
ReplyDeleteI thought I'd use my winnings to buy that little island that appeared off the coast of wherever it was, and no one could find me. Unfortunately, one little number was all we got for our $10 contribution.
ReplyDeleteThat's just an insane amount of money - I wouldn't want the responsibility either!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree that having such money is a big pressure. My friend from paperwriting.xyz said that he'll obviously spent big part of the money for charity to homeless people, orphans and on researching of medicine from some diseases.
ReplyDeleteReminds me of the song "If I Won Da Lottry For Christmas" by Benny Grunch. Fun song, fun idea to play with, way too much to actually deal with in real life.
ReplyDeleteI was going to buy a minor league baseball team and put myself on the roster as player/manager. Oh, well.
ReplyDeleteHi Cranky Man,
ReplyDeleteI was looking for:
"Eighth - I will give $500,000 to my good friend from the UK, The Plastic Mancunian"
Never mind - you din't win it, did you?
I forgive you.
;o)
Cheers
PM
I cannot manage big money either. I did not buy any tickets either. My husband payed for the six tickets we got. I would so love to buy a small place in Hawaii.
ReplyDeleteThat was fun and pretty much my sentiments. My brother said he would never speak to me again if I won and turn his kids into bums.
ReplyDelete