Making a Spectacle of Myself
Several weeks ago I ruined my glasses. They were on the bed. I hoped onto the bed. Glasses, butt...busted beyond repair! I needed a new pair.
I went to the eye doctor, got a new prescription and then picked out a pair of glasses. Now to me, glasses are glasses. It is important to me that they are comfortable, but otherwise, glasses are just glasses. Mrs. Cranky came with me to pick out the new specs, because how they looked was important to her.
I tried on about thirty different pairs. All but about four were comfortable and just fine by me. Mrs. Cranky was a bit more picky.
“Too big…too small…makes you look like a snob…they make you look stupid…you are too old for those…you aren’t old enough for these…”
Pair after pair and none could meet her standards. Finally I found a pair that I liked and she thought made me look about as handsome as a pair of glasses can make one look.
The new glasses would not be ready for two weeks. Fortunately I can live without glasses after the cataract surgery and new lens implants last year. The glasses make watching TV more comfortable and they are nice for reading signs when driving, but I can live without them.
In the mean time, Mrs. C went to work on the broken beyond repair glasses and with some super glue and incredible patience she actually fixed them almost as good as ever. They may not be as sturdy as new, but they are a usable set.
One of the pains about glasses when you only need them for some things is you are constantly taking them on and off and often misplace them. Now when the new glasses finally came in I could keep one pair upstairs for watching TV, and the new glasses downstairs for driving and because they turn into sunglasses when it is bright, all outdoor activity.
The other night I came upstairs wearing the “outdoor” glasses.
“Why are you wearing those?”
“I don’t know, I just forgot to take them off.”
“Well put on the other glasses.”
“From this angle on the bed, I don’t like the look of those glasses.”
“What? You were the one that picked them out.”
“Yes, but I didn’t see them from this angle. I didn’t notice how they bend and wrap around your face.”
“I like that they wrap around, it is good for peripheral vision.”
“They look like Bono’s glasses. I hate Bono’s glasses.”
“Who the hell is Bono?”
“The lead singer of U2.”
“He is an old rock star.”
“So he must be cool. That would make me look cool also.”
“He looks like a spaceman dork, and so do you when you wear those glasses.”
“Great, I just spent $500 on glasses that you picked out and now I can’t wear them because I look like a spaceman dork.”
“Just don’t wear them in bed, wear the old glasses.”
“That won’t make me too self conscience when I wear the new ones!”
“They’re fine, as long as you don’t see them from a certain angle.”
“Great. And you call me a jerk!”