STUPID HEADLINES 101412

STUPID HEADLINES 101412

Once again it is time for this week’s stupid headlines and Cranky’s stupider, sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

 

Pets may get the flu more often than thought – Once would be more often than I thought.

Michelle Obama 'I Rarely Step in the West Wing' – “I really just don’t want to bother Mr. Sheen.”

Penis Size Matters in Bed, Study Finds – It matters in your pants as well.

Among financial pros, Romney trounces Obama – No matter how you stand politically, this is just wrong.  Those financial pros should have stepped in and broken this up.  He IS still our President for crispy sake!

When humans broke off sex with Neanderthals - I heard this as an excuse more often than “I’m washing my hair that night.”

Schwarzenegger admits to admiring Hitler’s speaking skills in new memoir – Well, when it comes to speaking, “Aanaald” sets the bar pretty low.

School Lets Dems Register Students to Vote, But Not GOP – Apparently GOP looks too much like GOD and everyone knows GOD is not allowed in schools.

Convicted killer Joran van der Sloot reportedly impregnates woman while imprisoned in Peru – Women really need to stop bar hopping with this dude.

Obama, Romney would lose to Clinton, Reagan: Esquire/Yahoo News poll – I can understand Clinton, but Reagan is…dead!

Doctors pull a 4 pound hairball from a girl's stomach;
Surgeons remove teen's stomach after she drinks liquid nitrogen cocktail;                                                                                                                                                      Contestant dies after winning Florida roach-eating challenge;

Three strikes and you’re out!

 Toilet plungers used as hall passes at NYC school – What kind of halls are they?

Wrestling Move Leads to Sexual Assault Charge – Dude! You are wearing tights, rolling on a mat with another man wearing tights.  The sport might just be a little gay.  Your butt will be touched.  Have you not seen a match before you joined the team? 

Mars Curiosity rover stops sampling to check out shiny object seen on surface – NASA’s robot falls for the old Martian ring on a string gag!

Connecticut woman arrested for DUI says she drank hand sanitizer – Why would you admit to that?  That just says you are a really bad alcoholic who hasn’t got a pot to piss in and is as dumb as a stump.  What ever happened to, “I might have had a glass or two of wine with dinner?”

Man tries to rob bank of $1- His picture is now in Webster’s right next to UNDERACHIEVER.