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Friday, October 12, 2012



The latest fad today is “Fantasy” sports.  Fantasy Baseball and Fantasy Football currently occupy much of the testosterone world’s time.  This activity has become especially popular with the advent of computer apps which keep track of the very complicated scoring systems.

In these games, groups of people get together and form leagues.  They then conduct a draft which is a systematic method of choosing professional sports figures to be on their “Team.”  Scoring is a complicated set of rules based on how these sports figures perform on game day.  There is often an expensive entry fee for joining these leagues.  At the end of the season the entry fee total is distributed to the most successful fantasy team.

These leagues sound like fun, but personally, I just do not stay up on these professional sports enough to make intelligent draft picks.  I don’t follow all the teams and do not know most of the players.  I don’t understand home team advantages, injury reports, or weather factors.  I would be lost in these leagues.

I would like to start my own “Fantasy” league based on something in which I have some advanced expertise.


I submit to you



For an entry fee of $5 you pick five Reality TV shows for your “Team.”  At the end of the TV season the “Team” with the most points wins all the entry fees (winner takes all).  Reruns do not count for points.

Scoring will be as follows with points given or deducted for the following events (quotations represent phrases uttered):   



Crying -                                             ½ pt.

“I’m freeking out” -                         ½ pt.

“Amazing” -                                     ½ pt.

“This journey” -                               ½ pt. *

Bleeped words –                              1 pt.

Verbal abuse -                                 1 pt.

Burp -                                               1 pt.

Passive aggressive behavior           1 pt.

Throwing a drink in a face              2 pts.

Sloppy drunk -                                 3 pts.

Fart -                                                3 pts.

Physical abuse -                               5 pts.

Get dragged thru real mud -          5 pts.

Hair pulling -                                    8 pts.

Getting arrested -                             10 pts.

Censored body parts -                    10 pts.

Genuine apology -                           -1 pt.

Good parenting -                             -2 pts.

Acts of generosity -                         -5 pts.

Joining the Peace Corp -                 FORFEIT

*"This Journey" Is not valid for points for any of the "Bachelor" shows.


For my first draft pick I choose “The Real Housewives of New Jersey”

Anyone interested in participating can submit their first pick.

I am assuming that within the week someone will find an app for scoring.  At that point, “Let the Game Begin.”


  1. Your game sounds fun! My pick would be Honey Boo Boo (I hate that show btw) If I played, I think I'll use your point system with Jello Shooters! :)

  2. I'm a Honey Boo Boo hater, too--she's the worst! I hate all reality shows, except, for some odd reason, "Say Yes to the Dress"!

  3. I'm in with Duck Dynasty. I'll win on fart points alone. Getting dragged through real mud would be just a bonus.


  4. ARE brilliant.
    I loved this entire blog....every word.
    Of course I already knew that, but you never ease to delight me anew.

    Dammit, I cannot join the game because I cannot watch those Housewives shows for fear of being driven to commit indiscrinate murder.

  5. That was supposed to be "indiscriminate"

  6. You are an amazingly inventive man. Or else a crazy deviant with too much time on his hands. I pick the first.

  7. Too funny... do we get points for watching VP Debates with "smiling Joe."

  8. Duck Dynasty yes I agree this just may be the winning show :)