EMAILS TO CRANKY
Everyone gets funny emails from their friends. I am sure most are not original and have made the rounds. These are a few of my recent favorites in case they havn't made it to you yet. Credit is given to the sender:
From the Lovely Lo
Subject: If Gang Bangers Went To Heaven
A couple of Gang Bangers show up at the Peary Gates, seeking admission into Heaven.
St. Peter says, "Wait here a minute. I'll be right back."
St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance.
God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you, you can't be racist and
judgmental here. This is heaven. Everyone is loved. Everyone is a brother.
Go back and let them in!"
St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh.
He returns to God's chambers and says, "Well, they're gone."
"The Gang Bangers?" asked God.
"No. The Pearly Gates."
Also credit -Bob Ringwaldwww.ringwald.com
From Fast Freddy J.
Here's one to make you smile :-
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males
A wife asks her husband,
"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk,
And if they have avocados, get 6."
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
From Hurtin Marty K
MY FIRST CONDOM
I recall my first time with a condom. I was 17. I went in to buy a
packet of condoms at Erlichs Drugstore. In those days it took a lot of
guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone
in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her
name was Delores) knew what they were for.
She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see
that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me
the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered,
No, not really.
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her
thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
Apparently I still looked confused. So, she looked all around the
store to see if it were empty. It was. Just a minute, she said, and
walked to the door and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the
back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra
and laid it aside. Do these excite you? She asked.
Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my
mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the
condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her
panties and lay down on a desk. Well, come on, she said, We don't have
So I climbed onto her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I
could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.
She looked at me with a bit of a frown. Did you put that condom on?
She asked. I said, sure did, and held up my thumb to show her.
That's when she beat the shit out of me....
Women have always been hard for me to figure out.