STUPID HEADLINES 021013
It is time once again for:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
With Cranky’s stupider, sophomoric, and sometimes offensive
comments
'Cannibal cop' says Cameron Diaz movie led him down dark
path – I am sick and
tired of this same old “Cameron Diaz made me a cannibal” defense.
German customs stops Iranian with unexplained $70 million
check – “I forgot….Infidel!” was not an acceptable
explanation for German officials.
8 Sex Toys Every Woman Should Own – Surprisingly enough, a Cranky Old Man did not make this
list…must be the ninth sex toy every
woman should own.
Canada kills
its penny – Our Lavern goes into hiding. (I’m sorry, I know that’s
really lame, and yet it cracks me up.)
Study:
Work less, save the planet – Hey, I’m doing my part!
Seriously here is a quote from
this article, “The calculation is simple: fewer work hours means less carbon
emission, which means less global warming,” economist David Rosnick said.
If we listen to “Experts” we are
doomed! Does anyone
not think the above statement is INSANE?
Stewie, the World's Longest Cat,
Dies in Nevada – And California and Arizona!
Dark
patch’ visible in brain scans of killers and rapists, neurologist claims – “Hey, is that a patch on your brain or are you trying
to kill me?”
2nd-grader
suspended over imaginary grenade – If
he was suspended over an imaginary
grenade that is as bad as waterboarding; if he was suspended because of an imaginary grenade that is
just stupid. I think the imaginary
friend did it!
Study:
Earthworms could make climate change worse.
Promiscuous invertebrates generating a lot of carbon – I guess between farting cattle and promiscuous worms the planet is doomed
anyway, so I’m keeping my SUV! BTW- WHO PAID FOR THIS STUDY?
Oregon man claims IRS agent coerced sex
by threatening tax penalty – Man claims he had to have sex
with IRS agent or else she was going to a fine him $1.78! “What choice did I have?”
Sharp drop in drink deaths follows
alcohol price rise – Suicide rates show sharp increase.
Hope fades for family of hero doctor
jailed in Pakistan after helping US nail Bin Laden – I
am going to assume that our government is doing everything possible behind the
scenes to rectify this injustice.
Anything else is just too repugnant to contemplate.
ACLU seeks removal of Ohio school's Jesus portrait – Ohio school claims the portrait is actually of a bearded guy named “Fred.”
Jesus? or A guy named Fred?
"I Used To Be Stupid" is now available for preorder at Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/Used-Be-Stupid-Joe-Hagy/dp/1434934802/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1360421307&sr=1-1&keywords=i+used+to+be+stupid
"2nd-grader suspended over imaginary grenade "
ReplyDeleteNo telling what they would have done to him if he'd made an imaginary gun with his thumb and index finger.
S
Wonderful... as always! A much better way to start Sunday mornings than to read the depressing newspaper. I much prefer your summary of all that matters anyway!
ReplyDeleteInflation: Saving Alcoholics Everywhere. And you thought inflation was a bad thing... Look at the media selling it...
ReplyDeleteIs "I Used To Be Stupid" coming out as an ebook? The price seems a wee bit high!
ReplyDeleteI just ordered the ebook at Rose Dog!
ReplyDeleteOh, Lordy, I am wiping my eyes. You have outdone yourself again.,,,,,,,,,"longest cat dies...." Wunnerful, wunnerful.
ReplyDeleteSome more goodies! My favorites are the ones about the longest cat, and the promiscuous worms. (Give 'em saltpeter.)
ReplyDeleteI am partial to, "Hey, is that a patch on your brain, or are you trying to kill me?"
ReplyDeleteWho does pay for these studies? I have a feeling our taxes are going for more than bridges to nowhere. Only Fred knows.
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother had a portrait of Fred in her parlor. Who is this Fred Guy?
ReplyDeleteHaha that Cameron D... SMH
ReplyDeleteI meant to get back here yesterday and comment about the second grader
ReplyDeleteLowandslow kinda alluded to it
Nobody,,, well, almost nobody,,, even mentioned it when the Veep did the finger gun thing in the inaugural parade