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Sunday, February 10, 2013

STUPID HEADLINES 021013


STUPID HEADLINES 021013

It is time once again for:

 
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
 

 With Cranky’s stupider, sophomoric, and sometimes offensive comments

 

'Cannibal cop' says Cameron Diaz movie led him down dark path – I am sick and tired of this same old “Cameron Diaz made me a cannibal” defense.

German customs stops Iranian with unexplained $70 million check – “I forgot….Infidel!” was not an acceptable explanation for German officials.

8 Sex Toys Every Woman Should OwnSurprisingly enough, a Cranky Old Man did not make this list…must be the ninth sex toy every woman should own.

Canada kills its penny – Our Lavern goes into hiding. (I’m sorry, I know that’s really lame, and yet it cracks me up.)
Penny Marshall (GIYP)

Study: Work less, save the planet – Hey, I’m doing my part!


Seriously here is a quote from this article, “The calculation is simple: fewer work hours means less carbon emission, which means less global warming,” economist David Rosnick said.


If we listen to “Experts” we are doomed! Does anyone not think the above statement is INSANE?


Stewie, the World's Longest Cat, Dies in Nevada – And California and Arizona!

Dark patch’ visible in brain scans of killers and rapists, neurologist claims – “Hey, is that a patch on your brain or are you trying to kill me?”

2nd-grader suspended over imaginary grenade – If he was suspended over an imaginary grenade that is as bad as waterboarding; if he was suspended because of an imaginary grenade that is just stupid.  I think the imaginary friend did it!

Study: Earthworms could make climate change worse.  Promiscuous invertebrates generating a lot of carbon – I guess between farting cattle and promiscuous worms the planet is doomed anyway, so I’m keeping my SUV! BTW- WHO PAID FOR THIS STUDY?


Oregon man claims IRS agent coerced sex by threatening tax penalty – Man claims he had to have sex with IRS agent or else she was going to a fine him $1.78!  “What choice did I have?”


Sharp drop in drink deaths follows alcohol price rise – Suicide rates show sharp increase.


Hope fades for family of hero doctor jailed in Pakistan after helping US nail Bin Laden – I am going to assume that our government is doing everything possible behind the scenes to rectify this injustice.  Anything else is just too repugnant to contemplate.


ACLU seeks removal of Ohio school's Jesus portrait – Ohio school claims the portrait is actually of a bearded guy named “Fred.”

 
Jesus? or A guy named Fred?

 

Will Coco Brown be 1st porn star in space? – Adult star hopes to join the 65 mile high club.



"I Used To Be Stupid" is now available for preorder at Amazon - http://www.amazon.com/Used-Be-Stupid-Joe-Hagy/dp/1434934802/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1360421307&sr=1-1&keywords=i+used+to+be+stupid


12 comments:

  1. "2nd-grader suspended over imaginary grenade "

    No telling what they would have done to him if he'd made an imaginary gun with his thumb and index finger.

    S

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  2. Wonderful... as always! A much better way to start Sunday mornings than to read the depressing newspaper. I much prefer your summary of all that matters anyway!

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  3. Inflation: Saving Alcoholics Everywhere. And you thought inflation was a bad thing... Look at the media selling it...

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  4. Is "I Used To Be Stupid" coming out as an ebook? The price seems a wee bit high!

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  5. I just ordered the ebook at Rose Dog!

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  6. Oh, Lordy, I am wiping my eyes. You have outdone yourself again.,,,,,,,,,"longest cat dies...." Wunnerful, wunnerful.

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  7. Some more goodies! My favorites are the ones about the longest cat, and the promiscuous worms. (Give 'em saltpeter.)

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  8. I am partial to, "Hey, is that a patch on your brain, or are you trying to kill me?"

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  9. Who does pay for these studies? I have a feeling our taxes are going for more than bridges to nowhere. Only Fred knows.

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  10. My grandmother had a portrait of Fred in her parlor. Who is this Fred Guy?

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  11. I meant to get back here yesterday and comment about the second grader

    Lowandslow kinda alluded to it

    Nobody,,, well, almost nobody,,, even mentioned it when the Veep did the finger gun thing in the inaugural parade

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