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Monday, April 9, 2018


a re-run from April 2015

 I love birds.  My mom instilled bird loving in me at a very young age.  No, we weren’t over the top bird watchers, marching through the woods with camo and binoculars keeping track of every species we saw.  We were backyard birders, viewing the many species that would come to our feeder.  When my folks moved to the Eastern Shore, Md. We added water fowl to our backyard viewing.

We did have binoculars and a “Birds of North America” book at the ready for the few instances when a new bird species dropped by…always an exciting event.

So I am a bird appreciator, an amateur birder. 

Most birds seem pretty intelligent.  They are wary of other species and wary of humans.  They are skillful at finding and retrieving food even in difficult winter conditions.  The food we leave out is appreciated, but they would survive without human intervention; except for the urban pigeon.

The city pigeons, also known as flying rats are without a doubt the stupidest bird in the world.   This bird could not survive without humans and human leftovers.  They have no fear of man; they could be caught with ease if they were a needed food source.  I suppose the argument could be made that they are smart to know humans will not harm them and they are smart to get easy feed from hanging close to humans.

Why then, do I say they are so stupid?  First they walk stupid. They cannot move a leg without also moving their head…stupid.  They look like bass guitar players without the rhythm and talent. That is not why they are stupid.

The pigeon lives off left over scraps of bread. 

They eat it stupid. 

The pigeon pecks at the bread getting only tiny pieces with each peck.  Then in order to break the bread down to a smaller size, he picks it up and shakes it.  Most of the shaken bread flies away from him and is grabbed by another pigeon.  He is left with only a crumb.

Every time the pigeon picks up a piece of bread to shake a smaller piece loose, he misses stepping on it by less than a quarter of an inch.  It just drives me crazy watching them.

“Step on it you stupid bird! Just step on the fucking piece of bread and it will stay put for you to peck away at your heart’s content!”

They never do, they always just miss stepping on the bread.  Not one friggin bird has thought of stepping on the bread.  Not once has a pigeon accidentally stepped on the bread and realized,

“WOW, this is way better then flinging it all over and then having to fight  those other birds for it!”

Nope, not figuring it out, accidentally or otherwise.

Stupid bird!


  1. I love birds too. We feed them here. Year around. We also have a bird bath for them. There is bird poop on every fence. They do tend to fight over everything though. That's why we love watching the birds.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

  2. I guess you and Bert from Sesame Street will have to agree to disagree on this one!😂

  3. Hence the term, "bird brain"!!

  4. I guess we don't see pigeons around here because they died out waiting for us to throw them some bread. Or else the giant crows ate them.

  5. Stupid...and yet...there are so man of them.

  6. Their close relative, the dove, is not much smarter. They build nests that fall apart and the babies fall out. We have rescued many baby doves and taken them to be raised at the wildlife hospital because they aren't smart enough to build a sturdy nest.

  7. What is TRULY stupid is intentionally feeding the stupidest bird. But then, the cities do attract the nuttiest ...

  8. Now I am kind of sorry pigeons aren't country birds. They might be fun to watch and heckle.

  9. Doves are just smaller pigeons, I think.

  10. I'm smarter than any pigeon. I keep my bread to myself.

  11. We have wood pigeons in the garden, greedy birds but more tolerable than the city pigeons.

  12. i love your writing dear Joe ,you are lucky to be liked as much (how do i know? i have my sources)

    enjoyed the your analogy about poor city pigeon !

    his careless way drives you crazy ?
    what about me who used to watch my mom's pair of rude arrogant cranky parrots who hold the green chili in beak and you find the pile of tiny cut pieces below their head .

    question drives me crazy, which part of chili they ate ?

  13. Well, on a day that I desperately needed a chuckle, I thank you!