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Saturday, March 19, 2016

STUPID HEADLINES 032016


STUPID HEADLINES 032016

It is time again for
He is definitely going to attract a lot of lawyers! 
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  

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Lesbian Professor Cold-Cocked HER OWN FACE Then Swore Random Guy Beat Her Up At Toby Keith Concert – Seriously? They couldn’t say “Punched?”

Naked woman dancing on truck slows traffic in Houston – Slows traffic! What does it take to stop traffic in Houston?

Obama: We can't fetishize our phones – Speak for yourself…apparently the President never puts his phone on vibrate.

Pantless driver dies after being ejected through his sunroof while masturbating to porn on a cellphone when the car crashed and rolled over* - If there is not a law against masturbating to porn on a cell phone while driving, there really should be…it is potentially very dangerous.

Norwegian mass killer complains about cushy solitary lockup – Seems to me, when you murder 77 people you should probably shut the fuck up about your incarceration conditions.

Salmon Full of Cocaine and Antidepressants – “Say hello to my little fish!”

Kerry determines ISIS committing genocide in Iraq, Syria – After careful study, John Kerry has determined that ISIS cutting off heads and enslaving the women of any Christian it finds who refuses to convert to Islam is in fact GENOCIDE.  Good call John.

Giant Corpus Christi Texas cross sparks atheist lawsuit - An atheist sues a preacher for building a cross on church property in a city named Body of Christ.

This just makes me cross…er…angry.

Researchers believe disease-fighting beer may be close – Take two six packs, then try and get up in the morning.

Chicago ends sales tax on tampons, sanitary napkins – Woman’s groups successfully argued these items should be exempt from tax as they are medical necessities.  In an effort to be gender sensitive, Chicago is also removing all tax on beer.

Australian government spends too much on koala cuddling, opponents say – Proponents say a good koala cuddle is priceless!

Oklahoma doctor claims $300 'Jesus Shot' can cure chronic pain – ACLU demands payment for this procedure by Medicare or Medicaid not be allowed as it violates the doctrine of separation of church and state…they suggest the shot be renamed the “Good Guy Shot.”
*Headline submission courtesy of Val Thevictorian
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Come back next week for more:


STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

8 comments:

  1. The world has gone mad. Mad. Everything seems upside down. Some of these are mighty funny though and some are just plain sad.

    Have a terrific Silly Sunday. ☺

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  2. Where do you find these? What a scream.
    R

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  3. When working in a toll booth in Fla after retiring, I saw way too many pantless men drive through. We referred to them as "weenie wavers."

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  4. Heh, heh! My 13-year-old-self applauds your first headline, because you said "cold-cocked!"

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  5. I understand fish caught off the coast of Washington state were loaded with Ambian. Scientists say these fish appeared very relaxed.

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  6. So Houston traffic slowed from it's normal 4 mph to 2 mph? I'm sure a lot of people were late for work. I wonder if anyone noticed?

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  7. Maybe I should move to Australia and get a job as a koala cuddler. Seems like good money and no stress on the job.

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