OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!
I know not to throw away water that she leaves in a glass covered by a paper towel so nothing drifts into it.
I am aware that any desert covered by a towel is off limits.
I will not turn out the porch light until after 11:00 pm, just in case someone has a car problem and needs help. Apparently we are not responsible for strangers with car problems after 11:00 pm. (No, I don’t get it either, but I know when to follow rules.)
I was recently chastised for using an SOS pad with water. I learned that using water will cause the SOS pad to rust. I have no idea how to scrub a pan without water, and have no idea why they fill the SOS pad with soap because if you do not wet the pad, the soap is dry and useless. I will just not use an SOS pad. Instead I scrub like hell with a sponge. It tears the crap out of the sponge, but the SOS pad will not rust and they last for about twenty years if you don’t use them.
Last night, after dinner I was looking for a treat with my nightly cup of coffee. I found an unopened package of Stella D'oro cookies on a top shelf in the pantry. They looked good so I took two and left the package on the counter.
When Mrs. C came home from work, before I could even greet her, she screamed, “Oh No You Didn’t!!”
My first thought was “This could not be good.” I knew I didn’t throw anything away, or eat anything that was covered by a towel or wet an SOS pad. I was clueless, but knew I did something wrong. I responded like any husband who knew he did something wrong but had no idea what that something was.
“You opened the Stella D'oro cookies?”
“I was hiding them!”
“They weren’t under a towel.”
“They were high on a shelf where you never look.”
“Well apparently I do.”
“But they’ve been there for years and you never touched them.”
“I wanted a cookie…wait…YEARS!”
“When is the use by date?”
I waited for a minute.
“So you’re upset with me because I ate a cookie that is past expiration? When were you planning on eating them, and why am I not allowed to eat a cookie, aren’t they community property?”
“I was saving them for a special occasion.”
“What occasion, the ceremonial tossing of the expired cookies?”
“You’re a JERK!”
“You know they still sell those cookies at the supermarket, it’s not like we have to go on EBay and pay a fortune.”
“You’re a double JERK!”
“From now on, don’t try and hide stuff, just put a sticky note on anything you don’t want me to touch.”
So now I know; I have to ask permission before I open a package of cookies.
Just to yank her chain, I am going to soak an SOS pad in water.