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Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Vacuum Thoughts


Vacuum Thoughts


I was vacuuming the floor the other day and I got to thinking. 

Some people read a book and the mind gets stimulated, for me the gray matter kicks in when doing mundane things. 

It kicks in a lot.

Why does the vacuum cleaner have multiple speeds?  Years ago, my mom had an Electrolux, top of the line, no wheels, it was on sled runners.  It had only one speed.  I don’t recall mom ever complaining that it needed to suck slower.

Why do today’s appliances have multiple speeds?  

“Damn this thing has too much power, it is sucking dirt way to fast.  Maybe I should switch speeds and just suck slow!” Thought no one ever.

My electric razor has three speeds; low, medium and high.  Why would anyone shave at low speed?  Do people shave in low if they’re not in a hurry?

My water pick has three speeds, I guess if I don’t want to swish away all the debris from dinner, I can just pick away at level one.

My kitchen mixer has six settings; swish, grate, chop, mix, blend, and pulverize.  

Guess which setting is the only one I ever use. 

What is the “Gentle Cycle” on dish and clothes washers? 

“I don’t want to hurt my dishes or dirty socks; I think I’ll wash them on the “Gentle” cycle?”

Not me, I want to hurt those dishes and dirty socks.  Screw Gentle, turn the water flow to high, crank up the temperature and teach those clothes and dishes a lesson!  Gentle? Ha, not me!

I do have to confess one thing though.  This is a little embarrassing, but I suspect I am not the only one.

When I vacuum, shave, water pick, or mix, I always start off in low, then go to medium and finally I hit HIGH.  There is just something satisfying knowing that I could vacuum, shave, pick or mix at low power, but damn it I’m shifting to HIGH!  When the appliance hits high, my voice gets lower and I can feel chest hairs growing.

I am a man dammit, I like my coffee strong, my woman docile and my appliances set to HIGH!

Two out of three ain’t bad.



  1. The gentle cycle on dishwashers and washing machines is for delicate chins and fine crystal, and for delicate clothing, perhaps silk underwear or silk shirts.

  2. Replies
    1. If it is that delicate, it should be hand washed! I say run it at HIGH.

    2. Heh, heh! I thought you MEANT chins, for the low setting on the electric razor!

  3. Now I'm envious because our Dyson vacuum only has one setting as does our dishwasher, though it desperately needs to be replaced. Our washer/dryer have multiple settings but I only use about 2 of them. The best appliance for settings, in my humble opinion, is the mixer. I love to put it on high and have everything fly out of the bowl :)


  4. DISHWASHER? What are you, a Rockefeller?

  5. I agree with what you say. Also, why does the toaster have a "Burnt to a cinder" setting? Who eats toast burnt like that?

    God bless.

  6. That you were vacuuming period made me agreeable to anything you said. Go ahead "Tim the Tool Man" crank it up.

  7. Your wife isn't docile. Not even close.

    I never thought about this before and now I'm going to be checking everything to see how many speeds it has.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. Hello to your not docile wife. ☺

  8. It would be intresting to hear your wifes take on the subject of docile.

  9. Too funny. Now I'll be thinking of you every time I vacuum, shave, use my electric toothbrush or mix. The dishwasher and washing machine - same thing. You'll be in my thoughts.

  10. Maybe they have these settings so men will use them, getting a kick out of turning them up all the way.