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Saturday, November 26, 2016

Stupid Headlines 112716

Stupid Headlines 112716
It is time again for


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Stupid Headline Sunday
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments. 
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Black Friday is dying a slow death – And a certain newspaper columnist and freelance writer in Massachusetts is doing his “Happy Dance!”

Robbery goes awry in Austria after suspect finds bank closed – Gun-check; Hood-check, note to teller-check, time the bank opens…ah, soon?
Today's turkeys are monstrous super birds, more than twice as big as in 1929 – Duh…Inflation!

Kentucky man sues after turned down for 'IM GOD' license plate – Hasn’t this jack-hole ever heard of the Constitution?  Separation of church and plate?  Hello!

Town renames Good Friday for the sake of "Cultural Sensitivity" - The day Christ was nailed to a cross will now be called “Important for Christians, but no big deal for everyone else Friday.”
Chanukah – Will be known as “Jew Candle Time.”
Ramadan – Will be called “No food for Muslims month.”
Dominican funeral home offers Black Friday bargains – And all products carry a lifetime guarantee.
Bills ban dildo throwers for life from home games – It’s football, I can understand a fake kick, but a fake…?
Man Guilty of Making Off With $165K of Gold in His Butt – Puts a new meaning to “Filthy rich!” He was found guilty by (and this is for real) wait for it…Judge Peter Doody 
Massachusetts police say woman tried to use pizza as ID to enter bar – Who hasn’t mistakenly handed over a slice of pizza instead of their driver’s license at one time or another?  Wait this was to get in the bar…never mind.
Justin Bieber appears to punch fan in the face – I wonder how much he was paid for that appearance?
CBS Trolls Aretha Franklin's Long National Anthem with Time of Possession Chart – Regardless of what you thought of Aretha’s performance (I think she took a chance on a tough song and mangled it, but that’s just me) this stat is really funny:

A Bank Error Put $4.6 Million In This Girl’s Account and She Spent $3.3 Million Before Getting Caught! – She spent almost $1 million on pocketbooks alone…maybe not the brightest bulb in the lamp.
And the feel good headline of the week: ZIP
I’ve been searching and I’ve got nothing.
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 Come back next week for more
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

14 comments:

  1. If you want a feel good headline, it's here

    http://www.klove.com/news/2016/11/26/woman-shares-thanksgiving-with-teen-she-accidentally-invited/

    Have a blessed and beautiful Sunday!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Seeing the IM GOD license plate one... I was searching legal records for something a couple weeks back and found a name change where someone changed his name to Denzel Washington Barack Obama.

    And the judge signwed off on it.

    I need to post it on my page sometime, because it is hilarious. I wonder if the guy's life improved after he did that.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love your stupid headlines. The world is off its tracks.

    Messymimi is right about the feel good story. That's a good one.

    I linked you to Silly Sunday.

    Have a fabulous day Joe. ☺

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree with Messymimi too, good stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  5. If there's a separation of Church and plate, why do they pass one around expecting everyone to put money into it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They call it an "offering"--I always thought they were offering me some!!

      Delete
  6. What kind of country IS this when dildo-throwers are not allowed to attend football games? I think this must be a sign of the Apopadopalyspe! Get your handbasket ready for a long trip.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I guess the Dildo-thrower was trying to show off more than his arm.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Church and plate. I snorted red wine up my nose.

    ReplyDelete
  9. About those twice-as-big-turkeys...probably to keep up with our twice-as-big-appetites!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I had heard about the butt snatcher but Peter Doody presiding--OMG. Well done but I really did miss the "feel good" spirit lifter at the end.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "Town renames Good Friday for the sake of 'Cultural Sensitivity'". . .

    I love the arrogance of some people. . . sorry, you don't get to rename someone else's holidays, jacka$$

    And, uh, $165K worth of gold up his butt? That just sounds damned awfully uncomfortable. There's got to be some sort of joke to be made about golden turds, or something. . .

    ReplyDelete

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