PARDON ME, BUT YOU SMELL REALLY, REALLY BAD!
A cranky opinion for
CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY
CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY
Sometimes you have to be rude. Friday night Mrs. C and I went to NYC for dinner and an Off Broadway play, “Piece of my Heart.” This is a musical about Bert Berns. Who you say? Well that was the point of the show. Bert Berns was the writer of many popular songs, but no one ever heard of him. Among the many songs he wrote were “Twist and Shout,” “Hang on Sloopy,” and “Take a Little Piece of My Heart.”
Dinner was excellent, and the show was very entertaining…at least for me; for Mrs. C. not so much.
Five minutes into the show, a very fat (needing a cane to walk fat), very sweaty lady asked if the seat next to Mrs. C was taken. Mrs. C said “Not yet.” Seats were assigned and clearly marked on the ticket. This lady decided she preferred the seat next to Mrs. C over her assigned seat.
This did not seem so bad to me, but the lady did ask lots of questions as if Mrs. C was her new best friend. She even asked,
“Do you know what this is all about? I never heard of this guy.”
(That is kind of the point of the whole show you dip shit.)
This bothered me, so every time she started to talk; I leaned over and interrupted her to talk to my wife. She finally got the hint. Sometimes you need to be rude to trump rude, and I knew Mrs. C was too nice to be rude.
When the show was over I started to make some small talk about the play and Mrs. C cut me short.
“I couldn’t wait to get out of there!”
“What, you didn’t like it? I thought the music and all was really good.”
“The show was fine, the fat old lady that took the wrong seat next to me smelled like she hadn’t bathed in a month, and she either peed herself or needed to change her ‘Depends.’”
So what to do in this situation? This was a $60 ticket wasted because this lady had no idea she stunk. A lovely night out ruined because a fat, smelly, pee soaked lady who would not shut up sat in the seat next to my wife.
Do you request a seat change? Do you request that the usher moves the lady to her real seat? Do you take her assigned seat (a worse seat and not next to your husband?)
Do you tell her she smells really bad? I mean apparently no one has told her and other than smelling like a homeless person she appeared to be a lady of means.
Why can’t you just tell a person,
“Excuse me, but you smell so bad I feel I may throw up.”
Why is that considered rude, but smelling like a latrine is not rude?
Maybe she reads blogs. If so:
“Hey - fat, sweaty, stinky lady from Westchester, who may have peed herself and sat in seat G117 Friday night at ‘Piece of my Heart’…YOU FRIGGIN STINK…BAD and you ruined our night out!”
Is that rude?