Things That Pissed Me off This Week
Thursday I was shopping for corn on the cob at the supermarket. The market had a bin full of yellow Florida corn. A large sign over the bin read “DO NOT HUSK THE CORN”. Supermarkets do not like you to husk the corn because no one will buy the corn when the husk is off. I know I won’t pick corn that has been husked and passed over by someone else. If it was not good enough for you, why the hell should I take it?
Buried in this bin of corn, right under the freaking giant sign, was a Korean lady ripping the husk off every flipping ear of corn and passing on almost every husked ear.
I picked up each ear and mumbled, “Who wants this one, the husk is off? Why is the husk off when the sign says do not husk the corn? Why is someone so special that they can husk the corn regardless of the sign?”
The response from this lady who could clearly hear my mumbling was, “This corn baad. This corn smaall. This corn no smell good….” The corn was just fine except that it had NO GOD DAMN HUSK!! She did not care.
People; take a chance. Just buy the corn without opening it up….please. Maybe every once in a while you will get a bad ear. You might get missing kernels, you might get a worm, and you might get an ear with some rot. Take a chance, live dangerously and follow the rules!!
Does anyone open a box of corn flakes and make sure they are all golden brown and of a nice size? Do you open the milk and stick your nose in the carton to smell if it is fresh? Hey, how about ripping open the yogurt and making sure it is fresh; if you’re not sure, just cover it up and put it back. Does anyone do these things? NOOOO!! So don’t husk the fucking corn either! Ok, I feel a little better now.
Friday, I went to the gym. As I was waiting in the car, parked in the lot while listening to the end of a radio interview, some nimrod pulls next to me, slams open his door which banged into my passenger door. This numb-nuts never looked at my door, never looked at me and never said “Oops, sorry.” He just dicked around with some stuff and then walked away to pick up a pizza.
Somehow, my door was not dented or scratched, but I still was pissed that I did not get an apology.......I felt much better after I had an accident with my key.
That’s right nimrod:
Cranky…. That nasty old man is meee;
Cranky….I make the sign of the Ceeee.
(My apologies to the theme from Zorro. GIYP.) Google it young people.
I got pissed off on Sunday when I spent an hour at the market looking for the kosher Bacon that was on my list. My wife still thinks this was funny. Fool me once!
Does anyone know where to find kosher shrimp?
Finally, on Sunday we went to the race track. There was a trash bin with a lid opening just big enough for a bottle or a can. The bin had a sign that clearly said “Recyclables, bottles and cans only.” The bin was stuffed with paper plates, trash, and unfinished lunches. Less than two feet away was a large bin with a large opening and a large sign that said “TRASH.”
I desperately needed a neck to strangle or a car to key, but alas there was none; and so I am still PISSED OFF.
For more stuff, buy" Maybe It's Just Me!" http://adf.ly/1MJqD
Follow mw on twitter @JoeHagyauthor