NEW AND IMPROVED

This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Great Balls of Fire

Great Balls of Fire

Our place at the Jersey Shore is a small apartment underneath Mrs. C’s Aunt’s really nice house about 50 feet from the beach.  One extra plus in this really sweet deal is that Aunt Catherine allows me to use her bbq grill off her back deck.  The negative is that it is a 30+ yard walk over stones (very painful to bare feet) from the apt. to the grill. Not awful except bbqing is like fixing stuff around the house, you always forget something and instead of multiple trips to the hardware store you make multiple trips from the Apt. to the grill.
Anyway.
The other night I was grilling chicken.  While I was tending the chicken pieces, Mrs. C came around back and took the plate which I used to transport the chicken.  She wanted to bring back a clean plate.  While waiting for a clean plate, the grill started to get hot, really hot, fire hot.
I quick turned off the grill and hollered for a plate so I could remove the fat dripping chicken which was feeding a fire.  There was no response to my request.  The house next door was enjoying cocktail hour but became a bit alarmed at the fire that was pouring out of the closed grill.  Two grandchildren and a friend who were playing out back spotted the flames.
“Hey dude, you have a problem.”  No shit Sherlock.
“Grandpa Joe, do you know how to cook?” Grumble grumbler grumble!
At this point the chicken was toast, I mean it was actually toast.  The bigger problem was the grill was close to burning down Aunt Catherine’s deck.  If that happened she would probably never rent the Apt. to us again.  The house next door was close enough for them to be concerned for their multi-zillion dollar home.
I was border line panicking when I ran for a hose that was on the deck.  I turned it on and raced back to the grill.  The hose did not reach; it was looped around a hose ring thingy.  I started to swing the hose like a jump rope to unwrap it from the hose ring thingy.  Still not long enough.  I continued to play jump hose until the water flow finally reached the grill.
The fire was extinguished; the deck, house and the house next door were none the worse.  Dinner was just a phone call away.
Upstairs-cousin Mike later said he saw the jump hose routine from inside the house but did not realize immediately there was an emergency.  When he did see what had happened, he later informed me, he did not think it was the right time to tell me that my panicky jump hose routine was one of the funniest things he had seen in a long time.  I may have been exhibiting signs of being a little agitated.
Before I use the grill again, it is going to receive a major cleaning.  Apparently a year plus of grease build up in a bbq grill can become a little dangerous.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

STUPID HEADLINES 070316


STUPID HEADLINES 070316

It is time again for


Florida? What a surprise





STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY


This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  

_________________________________

Man wants to open 'café fellatio' in Switzerland – “I’ll have what he’s having.”

Zika vaccines prove 100 percent protective in mice – I guess that means they won’t have to move the mouse Olympics out of Rio.


Naked intruder shot by Oregon homeowner turns out to be ex-NFL player – So…he was just running an “Out and in” pattern?


Newly discovered helium deposit is a 'game changer' – Now everyone can sing “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead.”


Sheep Nabbed After night On the Lam – Outrageous! *


Perdue to Focus on Chicken Care – Kind of like having Jared Fogle run a daycare center.*


Al Qaeda leader warns of 'gravest consequences' if Boston marathon bomber executed – Like it makes a difference; these assholes chop off heads for sport!



Judge Bans 10-Year-Old Girl From Playing Golf – Girls is top rated teen girl golfer in the country…I read the article three times and still have no idea why she is banned…something to do with a divorce and custody.

 


How to know when you're being lied to – Hillary’s lips are moving!**

Elite NYC school teaching kindergartners about 'white privilege' – Self esteem is very important, but it is also important for five year old white kids to know that they suck!

*Thanks Frog

**Oh relax Liberals, you say way worse stuff about Trump…it’s a joke.

___________________________



Come back next week for more



STUPID HEADLINES

Friday, July 1, 2016

OSPREY WATCHING

OSPREY WATCHING

I am out of the office, so here is another re-run from July 2013 with a hint at where I am hiding.

 On the beach at Lavallette, New Jersey, I have been fascinated watching the Ospreys.  Ospreys are large raptors.  They live on a diet of 99 percent fish.  I used to see them a lot while visiting my parent’s home on the Eastern Shore Md., but have not seen them on the Jersey Shore until this year.

What has struck me while watching these birds is the patience they have, and also the boredom that is their existence.  It is not much different from most wild creatures, but just more obvious while observing their behavior.

I worked a fairly boring job for 40 years.  Up early, drive to the train, get to work, work, catch the train home, eat, play with kids, sleep and start over.  At least I had a change of pace on weekends and vacations.

The Osprey and his mate are up early every morning. They fish nonstop until sundown, constantly soaring over the ocean up and down the coast.  They do not stop.  They have three little ospreys to feed.  I seldom see them dive for fish.  In two weeks I have seen them dive 5 times and catch 4 fish.  They are good, but sometimes they miss.  I’m sure they have caught more fish without me watching, but trust me they are patient.

The ospreys get no sick days, no mental health days, no vacation days, they just fish every day and if they do not catch any fish they will die.   I used to think I was pressured to work, but if I missed a day, my children would not starve.  The osprey must catch fish.

I have been watching a pair of ospreys for two weeks. Today there were five.  I think the babies are out of the nest.  They are learning to fish.  They better learn fast. Their skill is considerable and if they do not learn, they will die.  Fish, catch, or starve.

Sitting on the beach watching, I think my life is pretty good.
                                  _______________________

My cousin Nils sent me this video on the osprey.  It is pretty amazing.