I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS!

I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS!

Not the real Cranky...stunt Cranky

I used to be a sports fanatic.  If the Yankees lost in a post season game I would be in a funk for days.  If the Giants and Jets both lost on the same Sunday, I would feel bad for a week.  When my older sons played high school and college football my heart would be in my mouth for every play.  (Sorry Mary Beth, I didn’t see your tennis matches, I was at work.  I did sit through some wicked cold softball games.)

Lately, I root for my teams, but if they lose I don’t take it badly…at least not for very long.  Except for when my son is playing.

My youngest, Spencer, is playing football in his senior year of high school.  When your son is involved you first root for him to not get hurt.  Next you root for him to not make any major mistakes.  Then you root for him to play well.  Of course you root for the team to win.  Finally, you hope that your son makes a big play to win the game.

My son is in Massachusetts, or as I call it the state with the missing “R.” (Think Paak yaah caah.)  I live six hours away.  It is a major event to see him play in a game.  Mostly I have to “watch” on my computer.  There is a site that updates the score as the game is played.  It is usually about 45 minutes behind.

On Friday nights I am glued to the computer.  Every ten minutes I go to the web site, refresh, and hope to see something good happen.  Several hours after the game there is another web site that allows me to see a replay of the game.

This week, Spencer’s team, North Andover played Methuen.  Every time I refreshed the site, the score changed. 

7-0 NA

7-7 tie

14-7 NA

14-14 tie

14-21 M

21-21 Tie at the half

21-28 M

28-28 tie

28-35 M

34-35 M

34-35 M FINAL

ARRRRGH!!

This was a tough one, and now I had to wait several hours for the game to be available in replay.  Spencer plays almost exclusively on defense as a cornerback. With the team giving up 35 points there was a good chance he did not have a good game.

It turns out he played very well.  All the points against them came on the other side or up the middle.  Spencer pretty much bottled up runs to his side, and there was very little passing.  He had ten tackles, five where he stopped the runner in his tracks and two shoe string lunges that stopped big gainers.

In the fourth quarter with the clock running down, NA intercepted a tipped pass.  I was curious how NA would score their last TD, and with Spencer on the bench I could at least relax.

On fourth and ten, the NA quarterback dropped back to throw and just before he got clobbered let go a beautiful pass.  The receiver, five yards ahead of two defenders, made a nice over the shoulder catch without breaking stride and galloped another forty yards to complete a 70 yard touchdown.

Who made the catch?  That gait looked familiar.  I ran it back.  The receiver wore white gloves.  Spencer wears white gloves.  The number was blurred…1 something.  Spencer is number 18.  Run it again…stop…wait…run it…stop…NO SHIT!  Number 18.  Spencer was in on a rare offensive play and he made the touchdown catch that almost won the game…almost…on the extra point they went for two and were stopped.

Spencer's catch.  

Picture quality is not too good.



My son did not get hurt. CHECK

He did not make any mistakes. CHECK

He played really well. CHECK

The team lost a heartbreaker. No check

He made the touchdown catch that gave them a chance to win.  Almost check

Dad did not get to sleep until 4 am.

Next week we are driving north to watch his game from the stands.

I am getting too old for this!*

*It gets worse, I just checked the newspaper account of the game, and a backup QB whose number is not on the roster was incorrectly given credit for Spencer's catch.  ARRRRGH!!

Three-Card-Monte- a cranky re-run

Three-Card-Monte

"One of these days in your travels, a guy is going to show you a brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is not yet broken. Then this guy is going to offer to bet you that he can make the jack of spades jump out of this brand-new deck of cards and squirt cider in your ear. But, son, do not accept this bet, because as sure as you stand there, you're going to wind up with an ear full of cider."

Sky Masterson - Guys and Dolls 

This cranky re-run is from October 2012

From the early seventies through the early nineties New York City was slowly turning into a cesspool.  There were garbage strikes stinking up the streets.  Transit strikes clogged the streets.  Homeless people slept on the streets, beggars stopped you on the street and crime made the streets unsafe.  You could not stop your car without being strong-armed into giving up fifty cents to have your clean windshield slopped with a dirty sponge by an even dirtier scary looking “entrepreneur.”

On every corner of the city, if there were tourists, there was a three- card-monte game.

Three-card-monte consisted of a dealer, three cards two black plus a red queen, and several shills.  The dealer moved the cards back and forth on a cardboard box and challenged anyone in the crowd to guess where the red queen was.  This operation was usually watched by a small crowd of New Yorkers who knew better than to guess at the red queen, and one or two tourists who were the targets of the scheme.

Guessing the queen seemed easy.  The shills almost never missed, and they won ten dollar bet after ten dollar bet.  The tourists eventually could not turn down this easy money. 

The tourists always lost.  How the dealers could hide the queen when they wanted I don’t know, but it was fascinating to watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2kO_5cNF5k 

No one dared warn the “rubes” as some in the crowd were part of the game, and were quite capable of teaching squealers a lesson.

The dealers were very good.  I once watched one “accidently” bend the corner of the red queen.  The shills winked at the crowd as they put down a ten spot on the bent card and won three times in a row.  Finally a tourist could not resist making easy money against the clueless dealer.  He stepped up, pulled out a ten dollar bill, pointed to the bent card and called out “This one.”

As I watched, I knew what was going to happen, even though I don’t know how it would be done.  The dealer looked at the tourist and asked, “Are you sure, how about making it twenty.”

The tourist produced another ten and the dealer turned over the card with the bent corner, the five of spades.

These guys were good.

I only saw a dealer lose to a tourist once.  He was dealing for a shill when a tourist slammed down a twenty and insisted it was his bet.  The dealer turned over the red queen, lost the bet and gave the tourist the forty dollars.

Suddenly someone in the crowd blew a whistle, flashed a badge and yelled “Police!”  The undercover cop demanded the money from the tourist as evidence, handcuffed the dealer and led him away from the crowd.  When the “cop” and the dealer were about thirty yards from the disbelieving crowd, the cop let go of the cuffs and ran up the street while the dealer ran the opposite way.

These guys were so good that even when they lost, they won!

When Rudolph Giuliani was elected Mayor, the garbage and transit strikes ended, homeless people disappeared, beggars were nowhere to be found, windshield washers quit, and crime dropped dramatically.

Along with strikers, beggars, homeless, and criminals the three-card-monte game also became history.

I never missed the strikes, beggars, homeless or the crooks, but I kinda missed watching the dealers beat the tourists out of their money.

Anyway, tourism tripled.  

STUPID HEADLINES 101815

STUPID HEADLINES 101815

It is time again for

Wha, wha, wha, WHAT?

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  As in previous weeks, There is no fake headline contest!

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Homemade bomb found on California golf course – Club members just assumed it was a clock made by greens keeper Mohamed Hasseem Da Boma and didn’t say anything.

DUI Suspect Claimed Dog Was Driving Car – Like letting your dog drive the car is not just as bad as drunk driving.

Woman's Eye Sealed Shut After Friend Mistakes Glue For Eye Drops – I’m pretty sure that should read EX-friend.

Doctors Sew Elderly Man’s Hand Inside Stomach to Save Fingers – Good luck ever using them again!

Man Calls 911 Saying Girlfriend Won't Have Sex With Him – “Car 54 head to 101 Wichita for a zero-six-niner; no sex in progress.”

Playboy will stop publishing nude photos of women, report says – I only read the articles anyway.

Tom Brady Calls Coca-Cola ‘Poison’ – Poison? That’s ridiculous! Just because it is basically sugar water and the sugar content is addicting and is a leading cause of obesity and diabetes, I wouldn’t call it poison.  I would just call it shit that is really, really bad for you; kind of like cigarettes.

Shoppers stunned after porn plays over intercom at Target – Not porn, Pornay’.

Southern California storm causes mudslides and floods, closes part of Interstate 5 -  

Does this headline make anyone else think of this?

 

80-year-old pleads guilty after multi-million-dollar pot bust – “Oh, Ming Dynasty!  I thought you said ‘Been tried and dusty’ Sorry, it just slipped.”

'Gold Rush' star Todd Hoffman worried about his son being on TV, turning into Miley Cyrus – Now there is an episode whose ratings will be through the roof!

Lucky Charms is going 100% marshmallow- They’re magically unhealthy!

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Come back next week for more:

 STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!