STUPID HEADLINES 032215

STUPID HEADLINES 032215

It is time once again for

Please! Next they'll want to take the 'Fuck' out of 'Fuck You'

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.

One headline may be fake.  Guess the fake and win a mention and a WHOOP-TEE-DOO.  None of the above may be a correct answer.

Comment moderation is one for one day.

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Melting snow-statue of “Mt. Rushmore” on Vermont mans front yard now resembles Obama – It is for sale on E-bay, but you have to get your bid in quick.

Cop killer bids for release because he plays the flute – I don’t think anything he has to do in prison should be cause for parole.

Thirty-three African lions headed for Colorado – One more reason not to legalize marijuana.

New Mexico man arrested for killing spider- If you are in New Mexico, you’d better watch your step.

Lawmaker calls for a rebellion against EPA pollution emissions for backyard barbecues – If they want to eliminate pork, our backyards are not the place to look!

Baby onesie says 'I hate my thighs,' prompts debates, 'baby fat-shaming' – Is it at all possible to say anything in this country that does not piss off someone?  Damn I miss Joan Rivers!!

Obama floats making voting mandatory – It seems to work pretty well in Cuba.

Extended breastfeeding linked to higher IQ and income in study – I have my doubts, I cannot imagine how feeding on extended breasts could make anyone smarter.

Dog Walks A Mile On Hind Legs Dressed As School Girl – Some of these mutts will do anything to avoid getting “fixed!”

Darth Vader Robs North Carolina Bank At Gunpoint – What, his light saber was on the fritz?

Top violator of women's rights around the world? It's Israel says UN – This is not the fake, yet it may be the stupidest headline ever, excuse me, but I just have to say, “Hey UN… are you fucking kidding me?”

Kevin Bacon is the new spokesman for the American Egg Board – Their first choice was Eggelbert Humperdinck

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Last week’s fake was:

Montana four year old finds dinosaur bone in sand box – All my kids ever found in the sand box was cat poop.

This did not fool very many people…DAMN I hate that!

The winners are:

(not necessarily your) Uncle Skip

I'm gonna go with the dinosaur in the sandbox

Uncle Skip is on a hot streak stop in @ http://lionskip.blogspot.com/

Lara Schiffbauer

I think I'll go with the dinosaur bone in the sandbox as the fake. The guy calling to report his wife stole his cocaine has got to be real!

Beginners luck! Find Lara @ http://motivationforcreation.blogspot.com/ check out her books as well!

Timothy Hecht

Wait! I won? Me? OMG! I'm so happy and blessed. I want to thank the academy, Uncle Leo and everyone else who made this possible.

This week I'm going with "Montana four year old finds dinosaur bone in sand box" because even in Montana, Dinosaurs and more than 4 years old.

Either Tim is being sarcastic or he needs a life! Pretty sure it is the former, he is a funny guy go to http://agent54nsa.blogspot.com/ if you don’t believe me.

fishducky

Please tell me it's Montana four year old finds dinosaur bone in sand box--I'd hate to be wrong 2 weeks in a row!!

I knew I couldn’t fool Fran with this one say hello @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/ always funny...she is called fishducky, what do you expect?

Stephen Hayes

Some of these I've heard, but not the Dino bone in the sandbox. Of course it could have been a really old sandbox!

Lucky Guess! Mr. Chatterbox is found here @ http://thechubbychatterbox.blogspot.com/ He is a professional artist and a damn good writer as well.

Dan the Mountain Man

I am going with the "Montana four year old finds dinosaur bone in sand box" this time. Everyone else is going with it. I will hate if it is the Mentos and Coke one.

Dan is starting to rival fishducky and Sandee @ http://danmtnman.blogspot.com/ Say hello and browse his used book store.

Sandee

I'm going with Montana four year old finds dinosaur bone in sand box. There's no logic to this at all. Not even possible.

Curses I’ll foil her yet! Funny stuff @ http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ comedyplus!

ONLY 5 people guessed wrong!

Come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

EMAIL SMEMAIL

EMAIL SMEMAIL

Emily Litella is back, that sweet hard-of-hearing SNL news regular is back with her opinions on:

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

For those few young'uns not familiar with Emily
https://screen.yahoo.com/weekend-emily-litella-violins-tv-000000080.html

What’s all this fuss about male servers?  Hillary Clinton is a strong powerful woman. She should not be getting her own meals, and laundry.  She is too busy to be running errands.  If Hillary wants her servers to be male what is wrong with that? I’m sure she may get personal with some of her male servers and that’s her business.  I doubt her male servers had anything to do with her performance as Secretary of State, so there shouldn’t be any fuss…

Ah…that is servers for email, Emily; Hillary Clinton has been accused of using her own personal email server for all the business she conducted as Secretary of State.  Many people believe that was breaking the law and is a serious offense for someone who wants to be President of the United States.

Ooh, email servers…I thought it was male servers…never mind.

Actually, even if it is email servers, who gives a rat’s heiney?

I have to agree with Emily on this one.  Who gives a rat’s ass?  I know, emails are very important; they have been ruled as legal documents and are not to be destroyed for humpty-hump years.  Government officials should save all their emails and they should be accessible whenever anyone wants to examine an issue.

I understand this, but still, to my mind emails do differ from traditional written documents.  As much as everyone is becoming cognizant of their importance and how they are treated legally, emails are often used as casual conversation, thinking out loud and just small talk.  As such I think it is unfair to force all emails to be turned over and analyzed at the drop of a congressional inquiry. 

They might as well require all government officials to wear GoPros all the time and capture every meeting and every casual conversation.  I think that would stifle creative thinking and have everyone walking on eggshells at all times.  It would be counterproductive.

People use emails as casual conversation.  They replace cumbersome meetings and face to face discussions with the more economical and productive electronic communication.  When people, government officials as well as business leaders, finally get used to the fact that emails are all saved and can be subpoenaed, their only function will be to set up meetings and other mundane messages.  All communication will go back to face to face, or carefully edited, lawyer cleared written documents.  We gain nothing, and lose an effective economical form of communication.

So yeah, Hillary skirted some rules and maybe broke a law.  I’m just not sure I agree with the law.  I’m not sure emails should be considered public property.  I think in the long run the interpretation of emails being official documents which can be subpoenaed is a very bad concept.

Hillary probably broke the law, and like Emily Litella, I don’t give a rat’s heiney.  If Hillary wants male servers, she should have them.

The following was the opinion of Emily Litella and a cranky old man and is not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.
  

YOU CAN PICK YOUR NOSE, YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS, BUT I CAN’T PICK MY OWN GUITAR

YOU CAN PICK YOUR NOSE, YOU CAN PICK YOUR FRIENDS, BUT I CAN’T PICK MY OWN GUITAR

Cranky's axe

I don’t know what that title means; I just wanted to try a Victorianesque title (Val the Victorian @ http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/),  

This post is about the guitar.

As some of you may know I have recently tried to learn to play the guitar.  It is purely a recreational endeavor, and I am enjoying it quite a lot.  I am even beginning to improve a bit. 

My chords sound crisper, there is less screeching and string buzzing and I have even learned some finger-picking progressions along with strum patterns.  I started to think I was getting pretty good.

Several months ago, a Mr. C. Chatterbox requested I video a demonstration of my prowess.  I took him up on that and posted my rendition of “Only The Good Die Young” on YouTube.  Don’t bother to look for it, I played it back and it was deleted in a New York minute. If you did hear the recording, which you never will, you would understand.

It turns out that the guitar has several musical functions.

1.     It is excellent in a group to maintain a beat and lay down the cord progression.
 

2.     Advanced players can throw in licks, notes and chords that sound like several instruments at once.  These players can entertain solo without need of any vocalization.
 

3.    It is a classic vocal accompaniment instrument.

I can do simple chord progressions, but I can just about beat an egg.  When God handed out rhythm and timing I thought it was ribbon and tithing and had no interest. No musical group would have me.

Even gifted musicians cannot be “advanced” guitar players in one or two years, so my only hope is to accompany my own singing.

I think my voice is wonderful.  I enjoy my voice and the accompanying guitar immensely.  My enjoyment drops precipitously when I listen to a recorded version.  I have no doubt that most people would have the same aversion to this guitar strumming cranky voice combination.

If I could find someone with no interest in rhythm who is willing to sing along with my strumming I might attempt to record again.

Perhaps the wonderful Lo of “It’s always something” @ http://loisstearns.blogspot.com/.  Are you interested? I remember you were once brave enough to let us hear you sing.

Probably not.

shitpissfuck!*

*It’s a Lo thing.