CONTACT - Seance with the famous

 

CONTACT - Seance with the famous

 

CONTACT

This is a post from 2011, perhaps read by 7 people.  I still think it is funny, although in these days of people seeking to be offended, it might be inappropriate.

But then I’m old and I don’t care.

 

I recently attended a séance with a local psychic.  I was skeptical at the start, but it must have been real, no one could have made this stuff up.  This psychic specialized in contacting famous people.  She talked to several icons, here is a sample:

 “George Washington, is that you George?”

“Yes it’s me, would I lie?”

“George, why did you chop down that tree?”

“Actually my old man did it, Mom was pissed.  He gave me a buck and I took the rap for him.”

“What?  So you lied?”

“Whatever.”

 

 “Damn, hey, it’s Steve Irwin.  He’s mumbling, I’m not sure what he is saying, what’s that Steve, speak up.”

“A sting ray? Crikey, a fucking sting ray?”

 

“FDR, FDR over here.  Any words for the living?”

“Yes! Jonas, what took you so freaking long?”*

 

“Wow, I have Abe Lincoln, any questions for the Abe?”

“Ask him did he have any regrets.”

“Abe, any regrets?”

“Yes, I think I should have just said 87 years.  That and honestly, I should have skipped the show.”

 

“Marco Polo, is it you?”

“Yes it’s me.  Damn I explored Asia for 24 years, practically invented the modern map, and what am I famous for?  That annoying flipping kids swimming pool game!”

 

“JFK! Mr. President is there anything the USA could have done for you?”

“Don’t ask!”

“What is JFK junior so angry about?”

“Oh, he’s pissed at Sinatra.  Every time he sees him, Sinatra starts singing ‘Come Fly with Me’

 Frank; Frank it’s not that funny!”

“Oh my Lord, it’s Jesus Christ! Jesus, Jesus, are you planning a comeback?”

“Yes, and this time things will be different.  Warn everyone, when I come back don’t cross me!”

 

*(The vaccine guy…took me a while, and I wrote it.)

 

 

QR CODES

 

QR CODES

 

Does anyone out there over the age of 50 know what the heck these postage stamp looking things are?  Please enlighten me if you do.

QR Code…stands for Quick something.

I mean I sort of get it, I don’t live under a rock, but what good are they?  They’ve apparently been around for a few years, but it is only recently that I stopped smacking them on my screens thinking it was a bug or something.

It seems that now, instead of typing in WWW.blahblahblah to take you to a web site, or simply double clicking the blue printed site to take you to their page; you point your phone at the QR Code and boom you are there.

I guess young people like this.  They always have their phone at the ready, they love their phones and they love anything new.

Me, I don’t get it.  It does not seem to me, to be any easier to point my phone at a QR Code (and then what, take a picture, just aim it? I’m not really sure) than to double click a web site or even type it in.

I often see on TV, survey requests to vote for anything from your favorite political candidate, to which soap you prefer.

“We’re taking a survey folks, do you A. Vote Republican B. Vote Democrat C. Not sure; or D. Plan to leave the country. Simply use your phone and the QR Code in the corner to choose.”

Once again, I’m not sure what to do with my phone, just point, snap a pic, or whatever, but if I do choose to vote, I have around 11 seconds to find my phone, find the QR Code and…too late it is gone!  Hell, I could have easily typed in the site and voted, but I am QR Code challenged.

What do I do if the QR Code is offered on my computer? Do I use my phone again? I can’t point my computer at it! (Or can I? Is their some new magical technology I don’t know about?) And, If I see the code on my computer, I want to bring up the site on my computer, not my phone.  Am I missing something?

Here is another thing about the QR Code I don’t like:

I don’t trust them!

It has taken me several computer infections to learn to look at the source before opening a site.  When I get an offer for a free 80 inch TV, I check the site before clicking. 

WWW.iownyourcomputer.ru is probably I site I should not click on.  I can’t screen a QR Code (or can I? maybe young people know how.)  Maybe the QR Code is legit, but there is a dust speck on my screen which takes me accidentally to a secret government site and next day the FBI comes knocking at my door.

I fear the time is coming where use of the QR Code will be the only option.

Is paranoia a sign of oncoming dementia?

A Million Dollar Idea

 

A Million Dollar Idea

 

I have a million-dollar idea, but I am too lazy to develop it, so you can have it.

This idea is not only worth a lot of money, but it will help to at least slow down many obnoxious street protesters whose shenanigans are plastered all over the news every night.

Make money and have annoying people shut the front door, what is this idea?

Copywrite!

Years ago, some numnutz copywrote the “Happy Birthday” song.  For years you would almost never hear this song on movies, TV or radio because some clown had the idea to copywrite it and demand a fee for every time anyone wanted to use it. 

Now; people could still sing it at local birthday parties, possibly illegally, but who would know, but any media use would have to pay to play.

Paris Hilton has a copywrite on the phrase “That’s Hot.”

John McEnroe owns “You cannot be serious!”

Mr. T owns “I Pity the Fool!”

And someone actually owns “You’re Fired!”

I Pity the fool TV producer who thinks that’s hot to say you can not be serious…he would probably hear from his boss, “Your Fired!”

I suggest these other phrases also need to be copywritten:

“Hey hey, ho ho, Blah Blah Blah has got to go!”

“No Justice, no peace!”

“One two three four, we don’t want your Blah Blah Blah!”

This would not stop protestors from their clever chants any more than people stopped singing “Happy Birthday” at private parties, but the nightly news shows could not broadcast the annoying chants without paying me (or whoever steals my idea), and finally, these bobble heads would have to invent a protest chant that was clever and not 60 years old.

There it is, my million-dollar idea that also helps keep ass-hats off the evening news.  You can have it, I’m too lazy and at my age would not know what to do with all that money.

“Hey hey, ho ho, copywrite and make some dough!”

You are welcome.