SMILE TALKING

 

SMILE TALKING

Do you smile while you talk?  Not just a smirk, or upward turned lips. I’m talking a full out,  upper and lower teeth flashing smile…while talking.

I’ve noticed that people in TV commercials, newscasters, and politicians are very good at full out smile talking. 

Women are especially good at full out smile talking.  Men generally can only do it in short spurts.

Men might semi-smile while they talk and then end with an all-out toothy grin; women can maintain the full smile and look natural while doing it.

The smile talk looks friendly and non-threatening when women do it.  It can look creepy when a man tries it. 

I’ve tried to do it and I just cannot.  Not just because I am generally cranky, but I am physically incapable of doing it.  If I talk with a full out smile, I look like a cartoon character or a serial killer.

When a male politician is asked a difficult question, he will get serious and often a bit testy.  Women politicians are masters at smiling through a question, often even laughing in a derisive show at how silly the question is before she will even respond.  She will full out smile throughout her response.

Women seem to have complete control over their smile, perhaps that is why when they are surprised and laugh unexpectedly they cover their mouth so they don’t lose control.  Have you EVER seen a man cover his mouth to hide a smile? OK, a straight man?

Anyway.

How do people do it?

It is very effective.

I wish I could do it.

“JOE…did you forget to turn off the stove burner again?”

Smiling all the while and chortling, “What, ha ha, you must be kidding?  A burner was left on? Why would I not turn off a burner?  You must be joking.”

That response might make the wife wonder if a burner was in fact left on…maybe she was mistaken, maybe she left it on.

“JOE…did you buy another guitar?  The Guitar Store called and said they had a delivery ready for pick up?”

Smiling, “What…ha ha, why would I buy another guitar?  Oh wait, ha ha, maybe I did, I almost forgot about it.  It was too good a deal to pass up.”

Act guilty and apologetic and the new guitar is going back.  Smile, laugh and make light of it and maybe I could charm my wife into making room on the wall for another instrument.

Alas, I do not have the smiley-semi-laugh-while-talking gene.

It possibly explains why I am not a politician.   It may also explain why I am on my third wife.

DE WHAT?

 

DE WHAT?

A cranky old man public service for computer nudnicks like myself

I have two PC’s.  One is upstairs and is a mid-range pretty good computer.  I don’t really need any fancy stuff.  The second is downstairs and is a cheap DELL.  Not that DELL makes cheap computers, this is just their low-end computer as I did not need to pay for a really good one, DELL or otherwise. 

The downstairs computer is for holding my music and occasional internet browsing.  I could use the good computer downstairs.  It is very mobile as a laptop, but I am spoiled and don’t like hauling it and all the chargers around.   Same reason that I have a pair of reading and TV glasses on every floor and an i-phone charger on every floor.

I can’t afford a boat, plane or house at the beach, but I can have the little things, and yes, I am lazy.

Anyway.  The downstairs computer lately has been so slow as to make it almost worthless.  Even just accessing my music (song chords and lyrics for guitar) which is on my hard drive in Microsoft word, was taking forever.

I may have been losing patience with the thing.  Sometimes when I lose patience I may take it out on Mrs. C by yelling.

“GD this friggin-frazzle-pop computer.  I should just get a new one except I hate all that file saving password assigning frustrating crap it takes to get a new one up and running the way you want it!”

“What is wrong with it?”

“It takes forever to just open a file, never mind accessing the internet!  It is basically worthless!”

“When was it last defragged?”

“DE WHAT?  My computer is not gay (not that there is anything wrong with that), and that is not acceptable speak!”

“DeFRag, F R A G!”

“Oh, what the hell is that?; and never.”

“It is supposed to happen periodically, but sometimes it is not completed correctly.”

“What is it.”

“It consolidates files and stuff, makes it faster for the computer to access data, I don’t really know, but it just it makes the computer run more economically.”

“How do I do it?”

“Just search for “Defragging” and follow the directions to “Optimize.”

OK, so sometime I listen to Mrs. C because she knows stuff.

I defragged the computer.  It took about 6 hours.  Mrs. C said that it took so long because it has not been done in like FOREVER!

Once completed the damn thing ran like new.  Slow for most computer, but good enough for a cheap low-end computer.

I am posting this as many of my readers are seasoned like myself and may  have also never heard of DEFRAGGING.

If your computer is running crappy, don’t spend money on the GEEK SQUAD.  They will probably just defrag it for you and act like they did something super-duper smart and difficult while they take your money and laugh at you from behind that curtain where they make believer they are magicians.

Anyway:

https://www.dummies.com/computers/for-seniors-how-to-defragment-your-computer-hard-drive/

 

If a car is hit in a parking lot and there is no mark, was the car even hit at all?

 

If a car is hit in a parking lot and there is no mark, was the car even hit at all?

 

So, a certain valedictorian posted about a parking lot accident without a dent.  I guess that just makes it an acci.

Anyway, it reminded me of an incident years ago.  Maybe just an inci.

My soon to be ex-wife bumped/non-bumped into a car at a Costco lot and drove away without checking or saying anything.  Someone witnessed the bump/non-bump and left a note on the car with our license plate number.

The owner saw the note and called the police to report a hit and run.

A week later I received a notice to appear in court for a hit and run charge.  They chose me, as the car was registered in my name.  I asked the not yet but-on-her-way-to-be ex-wife if she knew anything about this hit and run. She shrugged her shoulders and said,

“Oh yeah, I might have hit someone, I didn’t think anyone saw it.”

“Are you going to court and defend the hit/might have non-hit?”

“I can’t, I am going to Boston that week, (to shack up with her future husband) anyway the summons is in your name!”

Have I ever mentioned that in addition to being a few cards short of a deck, she was (probably still is) a bitch?  Well she was (probably still is) a bitch!

So, I had to go to court. 

In preparation I went to the police station to get a copy of the accident report. The report explained everything including the unnamed witness who left the note, and the owner who called in the hit and run.

I took particular notice of a column in the report marked “DAMAGE.” It said in capital letters “NONE DISCERNIBLE.”

Why I wondered…actually I wondered,

“Why the F*CK would anyone report a hit and run accident where there was no discernable damage, and why the F*CK would the police write a summons on a hit and run with damage NOT DISCERNABLE based on an unnamed witness?”

Judge Judy would never allow such a travesty.

So, I went to court worried about a hit and run charge and curious as to how much I would have to pay the owner of the undamaged car for the non-damage incurred in the maybe bump-and-run committed by my soon to be ex-wife bitch.  Did I mention she was (and probably still is) a bitch?

I was also curious to see if the lady whose car was maybe hit resulting in NO DISCERNABLE DAMAGE would show up at court to press charges, and if she could even press a charge based on an unknown witness who left a note.

I waited around three hours to have my minute in court. 

The judge asked me about the accident and I replied I knew nothing. I was at work and it was my wife who drove the car to Costco.  She then asked why my wife was not here and I said because the summons is in my name and also because the is a bitch! (OK I left out the bitch part)

I did mention that the police report said DAMAGE NONE DISCERNABLE and so I did not know if there was actually a hit and run, or something that looked like a hit to an unnamed witness, but was in fact a no hit and a drive away.  

(Based on my 10-year-olds account, there was a bump, a lady was yelling and mommy just pulled away.  Still there was DAMAGE NONE DISCERNABLE!

Who shows up at court to fight for such an accident?

Answer – Nobody.

The case was thrown out as the non-injured injured party did not show.

Still unanswered is the question:

If a car is hit in a parking lot and there is no mark, was the car even hit at all?