EXPLAINING MEN’s BEHAVIOR

 EXPLAINING MEN’s BEHAVIOR

There are many things about men that piss women off.  Men have no clue why because we don’t know how women interpret these things.  Often women interpret what men do or don’t do on how they feel when their girlfriend does or doesn’t do the same thing. 

Ladies…two different meanings:

Men do not remember dates. 

If a woman’s girlfriend “forgets” a date she knows it means “She is pissed off about something, or she just doesn’t care.”

Men do not forget dates.  Forgetting means the date is important to them.  Forgetting is a passive aggressive event.  Men never place any importance on dates so we can’t forget, what we never knew.   I love my grandchildren and I have not got a clue about their birthdates.  If you think that means I don’t love them then you are a jerk…or you are a woman.

Men don’t put stuff away in its proper place.

If a woman does not put something away properly it is an act of aggression because putting things where they belong is important to them.

Men do not put things away, because we never know where they go.  If we ask, we get a lecture because we have already been told and we were not listening because when you told us there was a hair on my shirt and I couldn’t pick it off and listen at the same time.  Who could?

Men don’t listen.

Women’s girlfriends always listen.  They don’t want to miss any gossip, they actually care, and they know they will get a chance to also talk.

Men listen if there is nothing to distract them (see above - 'hair on shirt') which is not often.  Also women don’t realize it, but they do not listen to men.  They don’t realize it because men gave up long ago and don’t have anything to say.   Admit it ladies, when your man comes home and you ask, “How was your day?” You really don’t care, that question is just an opening to tell him everything that happened to you from waking up, stuff at your job, cleaning a stain on the carpet, making soup, blah, blah, blah…

 

Men don’t care what they wear.

Women dress to impress gay men and other women.  Men dress for other men and men don’t care what they wear.

Men don’t know how to clean anything.

Women clean so other women don’t talk.  If another woman is coming over (even a professional housekeeper) women go into a cleaning frenzy.  Men don’t know about this kind of gossip…and we don’t care.

Some man behavior is purely logical (so women will not understand):

Men won’t ask for directions.

Women ask for directions at the drop of a hat.  They usually ask a man.  Men never admit to being lost, so they will give out directions even when they have no idea what they are talking about.  Men know this.  That is why men never ask for directions.

Men won’t cuddle after sex.

We will cuddle before sex to get sex; after sex, we just don’t see the point.

Men are only interested in sex.

Yeah…so…

Went back in the way-back machine to 2014 for this re-run.

Stupid Headlines 050921

 

 

Stupid Headlines 050921

That's the end of that crime spree!

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.

 

Gettysburg battlefield visitor trapped in porta-potty by downed tree – For one half score, and a few hours, some poor father tried to extricate himself wondering whether this potty or his body would soon survive.

Hundreds of Joshes fight in Nebraska – In the preliminary, three Melvin’s had a rock, paper, scissors duel off.

Red Lobster shares biscuit corsage, boutonniere video for prom – They wouldn’t last very long on my lapel, those biscuits are mmm, mmm, GOOD!

New Jersey offering free beer for COVID-19 vaccine recipients – Not me! I don’t trust them and I’m not going to risk my health on an untested…wait…FREE BEER!

Biden says Americans earning less than $400K will not pay 'a single penny' in taxes – Unless you are still breathing!

Car drives onto car to avoid cat – The cat would have moved to get out of the way, except it is a CAT!

2 California homes invaded by hundreds of birds down their chimneys – Tippi Hedren was heard screaming, “I said cut…cut!”

Great horned owl travels hundreds of miles trapped in truck’s grille – Sometimes you’re the Owl, sometimes you’re the truck grille.

Michigan man builds 'poop wall’ after dispute with neighbor – Good fences make good neighbors; poop fences make poopy neighbors.

Kamala Harris and Doug Emhoff, both vaccinated, kiss with their masks on – You should see them eat soup!

 

FEEL GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK

Not so much feel good, as…Damn, What an Amazing Lady!!

Idaho school shooting: Teacher who disarmed student felt like angel was guiding her

https://www.foxnews.com/us/idaho-middle-school-shooting-teacher-disarmed-student

And Happy Mother's Day to all you great moms!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s OK

 It’s OK

A Cranky opinion for 

CRANKY OPINION FRIDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with no expertise or credibility on the topic opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome, but they are wrong.  As always, no name calling.  And that means you, you big stupid-head!

Is anyone tired of walking on egg shells yet?  Do you watch your words? Words have consequences you know.  Sometimes the consequences are severe, and it seems the world is full of word police. 

Watch your gender usage, very important.  If you call a he a she you will be taken down.  Sometimes it is he, sometimes she, sometimes shim, sometimes…I don’t know.  I only know it is very important.

The safest thing is avoiding any gender reference.  I believe some languages place a gender on everything.  A chair may be masculine while a frying-pan is feminine.  A lawnmower is probably masculine…What the heck do they do in those countries?  Old people must really have to be careful,  I don’t know why anyone cares.

It’s kind of tedious to me.  Oh, I can learn, but I really don’t know why I have to say, “Merle Streep is a great female actor.” When It is easier to say, “Merle Streep is a great actress.”  My way saves a word!

Alright, I will learn the gender thing.  It is stupid, no big deal, just takes a little getting used to, and I don’t need the condescending corrections from people who have learned more of life in 27 years than I have in 75.

This is one that really is the aluminum foil on my fillings.

OK is no longer OK.  The traditional three finger OK sign now means “I believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

Well, that is what I have been told it means.  When I make that sign in means “Hey, stuff is OK!” 

“How are you?”

“…I make the OK sign”

“What? You believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

“No, I’m just saying that I’m OK.”

“Not any more, now you are saying you believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

“Who says so?”

“I don’t know, it just does.”

Now it turns out there are some very nasty people who use the sign, to tell people that they are giant ass-hats.  I don’t know why anyone would want the world to know that they are giant ass-hats, but there are those people.

What the Hell happened that this common and universal sign for “stuff is good” became usurped and used to mean something else?

Turns out it started as a hoax…a joke by some weird satirical publication, and ass-hats believed it and started to use the sign.

So now I can’t use this once universal sign that “Stuff is good” because some group made something up and some other ass-hats believed it?

I think not!

Here is the thing.  If a fat guy with a shaved head, and a swastika neck tattoo makes that sign, it means, “I believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

Probably a racist

If a pasty face out of shape egg-head white guy makes that sign, it means, “I just won ‘Jeopardy’ for the third time.”

Probably not a racist

If a star baseball player doubles up on the sign with his teammate after hitting a huge homerun, it means, “Holy crap, did you see that one?”

Probably not a racist

If I make the sign, it means, “Everything is alright.”

In summary:

Racist makes OK sign it means, “I am a racist.”  You can usually tell without the sign but…

 Racist

Racist, or Man shooting pool?

Non-racist makes the sign, it means “something good.”

Not a racist

If you are not sure, assume it does not mean “I believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!”

“I believe that all black people should be sent back to Africa!” Is not OK.

The preceding was the opinion of a  cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management...Mrs. Cranky!