TOMATO UPDATE II

TOMATO UPDATE II

There is something fulfilling about this tomato growing thing.  It is kind of life affirming not too dissimilar from having a baby.  When we left for the Jersey Shore last month I feared for the life of my plants.  I asked my next door neighbor, the one with a car in the driveway with two flat tires for the last three years and to whom I seldom say more than “Hey how ya doin,” if he would water the plants every day.

Darnell, my neighbor, did in fact keep the plants alive, he will be rewarded with a nice tomato.

I have two plants, Topsey which is growing upside down, and Groundy who was planted in a more traditional manner.  Topsey is not growing as large as Groundy and does not look as robust, but Topsey has 11 very nice looking tomatoes ripening on its vine.  Groundy has flowers all over the place, but so far I only see two small tomatoes and two teeny tomatoes.

Topsey

Four of 11 nice Topsey tomatoes

A more robust Groundy...Topsey in background

Tiny Groundy tomatoes

At this rate given my expenses so far, my tomato crop is going to cost me about $3.50 a tomato…$4 if you factor in the tomato I owe Darnell.

In addition to the expense, effort and worry over my vegetable babies, I have discovered there is something on the vine that I am allergic to.  Whenever I check for new fruit and touch the vine in any way, I come down with a two-hour sneezing fit.

Expense and allergy be damned, there is just something about getting your hands in the soil, watering, feeding, pruning and protecting your own plants, that makes reaping any crop seem worthwhile. 

AFTER THOUGHT:

I just Googled to figure why I don't get more tomatoes from Groundy. Turns out she did not start to flower until the start of hot, humid, windless weather and this is a pollination issue.  Seems you have to jiggle or vibrate the vine to assist in the pollination.  

I wonder if next year, along with watering while we are away if Darnell will also jerk-off my tomato vine.

Expensive, but BORING!

Expensive, but BORING!

Some major purchases we make in life are just boring. 

Some purchases are fun, some improve your quality of life, some just make you feel good.  A new car for instance not only improves the quality of your life, but just makes you feel good.  It makes you feel good every time you smell that new car smell.

This May, for my 70^th birthday I bought a beautiful very expensive new guitar.  It improved the quality of my life as it is such fun to play.  The smell of fresh cut mahogany of the all mahogany guitar makes me feel good every time I take it out of its case.

This week I was forced to buy a new computer.  It is not much different than the old computer, a little lighter, a little faster, but essentially it has not improved the quality of my life.  There is no new computer smell.

This week we also had to replace our 10+ year old washer and dryer.  This is the fourth time in my life I have purchased a new washer and dryer.  The first time was exciting as not having to make a trip to the laundromat (scary places late at night) was a clear quality of life improvement.  The last three purchases have been boring.

Every single washer and dryer I have purchased have been the same...white with dials. They all operate the same, clean and dry the same and never have a new machine smell.  They are all boring, expensive, but boring. 

While we were at it, Mrs. C wanted to put down a new linoleum floor in the laundry room, as the old one was a chopped up mess and this would be the time to change it.  About the only thing more boring than a new washer and dryer is a linoleum floor.  It is no more functional than the old floor and it has no new floor smell.

I’ve spent a lot of money this last week.  My bank account is tapped out.  You’d think for the money there would at least be some joy.  There is not.  Life has not changed.  The neighborhood is not a-buzz, we have not thrown a party to show off our new computer, washer and dryer, and linoleum floor.

I thought of throwing a party, I almost sent out invitations:

“Come to the Cranky’s and celebrate our new computer which works exactly like the old computer and our new washer and dryer that are still the same old white with knobs and work exactly like the old washer and dryer.  Eat, drink and admire the new linoleum floor in our 7x9 laundry room.”

I did not.  I figured the only people who would show would have to be really boring.

BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, THE HORN WENT BEEP BEEP BEEP

BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, THE HORN WENT BEEP BEEP BEEP

I need to report Mrs. C for spousal abuse. 

People go to jail for leaving their pet in a hot cat with the windows all up.  Leave a child in a locked car and you will do time for sure.  There must be a penalty for leaving your elderly husband locked in the car with the windows rolled up on a hot summer day.

That’s what Mrs. C did to me tonight.  Coming home from dinner she tells me she is going to stop at the grocery store for a few items.  Not a problem, Mrs. C can do a store in-and-out faster than most would think humanly possible. 

She left me in the car and took the keys because (so she claims) the preferred grocery card is on the key chain and she saves money with this card.  So I am left alone without a key to listen to the radio or open a window. 

Before long it starts to get really hot and it is hard to breath.

I’m thinking “do I have less rights than a child, or a dog.  Hell no,” and I decide to step out of the car to wait.

BEEP… BEEP…BEEP Horns go off, lights go on, and people are looking at me climbing out of the car, only they are thinking I am trying to climb into the car.  I shrug and hold up my hands to proclaim my innocence.  I feel like Nixon, “I am not a crook!”

After three minutes the horns stop honking and the lights stop flashing and I am still waiting for Mrs. C who is taking way longer than her usual quick store in-and-out.  Now I am getting bored and decide to open the car door and get at my cell phone

BEEP…BEEP…BEEP…here we go again.

Three more minutes of trying to not look like a thief and finally Mrs. C comes out and hits the button to stop the madness.

“WTF, why would you lock me in the car and take the key?”

“I guess I locked it out of habit, and I needed the key for the Shop-Rite discount card.”

“Oh, terrific, I’m left in a hot car, your lucky this did not end up on News 12 tonight…how much money did the card save you?”

“Seven cents.”

“Seven cents?  Is that all I’m worth, seven cents?”

“You’re a jerk!”