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Tuesday, June 21, 2016

WHY GOLFERS KEEP TRYING


WHY GOLFERS KEEP TRYING
Based on my last post about the great frustrating game of golf, http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2016/06/golf-so-named-by-scots-because-oh-shit.html?showComment=1466167145627#c5230598031724595965 
many may wonder,

“Why Cranky, do you keep subjecting yourself to this game.”

It is difficult to explain, but every once and a while even the worst golfer swings sweet, strikes the ball just right and the result is euphoric.

And then there is that day.  That one day when your swing was on, you have great feel on and around the greens, and your few misfires hit a tree and bounce forward and onto the middle of the fairway.

My one day came in September 1978.  At a little public course in Princeton New Jersey.  It was a 6200 yard par 70 course, not a difficult course, but if you are not a pro or a very low handicap golfer, there is no such thing as an easy course.

On this one day everything felt just right.  I hit the ball clean and crisp.  For the most part everything I hit was straight and far.  If I pulled the ball to the left, the ball had a natural slice back to the intended target.  If I pushed the ball to the right, the ball had a natural hook back to the intended target.

One drive was off line and did not hook back.  It hit a cart path, took several huge bounces before hitting a pebble and took one last long bounce back onto the fairway…perhaps my longest drive ever.

My putting was accurate and distance control spot on.  Two putts which were destined to go well past the hole hit the hole dead-on popped up and stopped quickly.

This one day in September 1978 it all came together.  The drives, the woods and long irons, the short irons, the chipping and the putting all crisp clean and accurate, and on the few occasions where a shot went astray luck was on my side.  On this day there was the perfect combination of an easy course, a good swing, a good short game and lucky bounces. 

The result was a score of 78!

It was the kind of day, the kind of game, the kind of scoring that sends a golfer back to the course again and again, always with the hope of lightening striking twice.

Of course on the way home from this perfect day of golf, in my euphoria and anxious to tell the world, I drove a little over the speed limit.  A state trooper objected to my speed.  He did not seem interested in hearing my score of 78.  I received a ticket.

Some might say it was a case of Even-Stephen, but no.  I will take a speeding ticket for a score of 78 any day of the week.

And for those who could care less about golf:
A Ralph II update:

Ralph I's cousin in the ground


Monday, June 20, 2016

JOE FOR PRESIDENT!

JOE FOR PRESIDENT!
A whole lot of people have a big problem with Hillary, its a trust and integrity thing.  A whole lot of people have a big problem with Trump, he does say a lot of un-Presidential things. Perhaps, even though there is a Cranky family reason for extremely disliking The Vice President, it may finally be time for Joe for President.

Anyway, I am getting lazy and so here is another cranky re-run from May 2014

In 235 years this great country has had 44 Presidents.  It was considered a big step forward for the US to have elected a Black President in 2008.  Now many people are calling for our country to elect for the first time, a woman president.  While I fully understand that sentiment, I cannot support it; not while an even greater diversity injustice stands unresolved.

Of all our 44 presidents, there has not been one Joe.  There have been a bunch of Williams, at least three Georges, a mess of James’s and a slew of Johns, but not a single Joe.

Joe.  Good old Joe.  One of the most common and popular names since Jesus had a daddy, and not a single President of the United States has been named Joe.

I would never have guessed the people of the United States would have a president named Martin before a Joe, but that is the case.  In my wildest dreams I could not imagine a president named Zachary, but yes that did come to pass.  A Millard president before a Joe?  Preposterous; and yet it is true.  Franklin…not too uncommon, but we have had two presidents named Franklin and no Joes!

Abraham is not that strange a name, but except for Vigoda and Lincoln I can’t name anyone.  There are lots of Joe's, what's up with that?

Ulysses?  Wasn’t that a play?  There is no play named Joe, at least give us a president.

Rutherford…RUTHERFORD…come on I’ve never met a Rutherford and yet we have had a Rutherford as president, and still no Joe.

Chester.  I’ve known a few Chester’s.  One was a dog.  How is it we had a president named Chester and no Joe?

Grover; please;  GROVER and no Joe?  It boggles the mind.

I wonder what the Vegas odds in 1789 would have been for if we would elect a president Joe before a Woodrow, a Calvin, or a Herbert.  Pretty damn high I’d wager.  I lose. Still no Joe!

I’ve known three Dwight’s in my life, and one of them was president.  Lynden before Joe, you have to be kidding, and don’t even get me started on Barack.  How could we possibly have a president named Barack before one named Joe?  Come on now, Barack is not even a real name!

Enough of this nonsense, our next president should be named Joe.  End the discrimination now.  Right the injustice now.

It's not like Joe's can't lead.  Football quarterbacks Joe Montana, Joe Theisman, Joe Flacco, and Joe Namath proved that they can.  Wasn't Joe Walsh a lead singer? Joe's can fight, Joe Lewis and Joe Frasier could beat anyone. 

Then there is Joe Stalin...OK, not so good, but still... 

We need a president named Joe.  Hey, it could be a woman.  What ever happened to Joey Heatherton?  She was hot.  I could vote for her.
  Joey…Joe…close enough.

WHAT I’D ASK THE PRESIDENT

WHAT I’D ASK THE PRESIDENT
A Cranky Re-run
I dug this ridiculous cranky re-run up from June 2011
If I had the chance to interview the President of the United States, I would not settle for the typical Barbra Walters softball questions.  I would ask the questions every American wants to know:

Will government run healthcare save the average person money and will health services be as available as they are today?

How can we turn around the unemployment problem we face today?

Do you put the toilet seat down, or leave it up?

When do you see an end to the fighting in Afghanistan?

Now that you have released your birth certificate, can we see proof of your baptism?

Will Joe Biden be your running mate in 2012?

Do your daughters call you Mr. President, Daddy, or M’Lord?

What is the capital of Tanzania?

What brand of cigarettes do you not smoke?

Will we ever have a balanced budget?

How do you spell potato?

It has been said that your wife’s name and Belle go together well.  How do you respond?  (Beatles reference.  GIYP)

If gay marriages are not legal, can a gay man still marry a lesbian?

If a train left the station traveling at 60 miles an hour and stopped at its destination in 4 hours and 27 minutes, how did it stop at the station if it was going 60 miles per hour?

If you vetoed every piece of legislation coming from a Republican House and Senate, could we call you The Obamable Noman?

WAIT, WAIT, MR. PRESIDENT…I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION!