STUPID HEADLINES 020115

STUPID HEADLINES 020115

It is time again for

So...a hunter's head over the fireplace?

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY*

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.

One headline may be fake.  Guess the fake and win a mention and a WHOOP-TEE-DOO.  None of the above may be a correct answer.

Comment moderation will be in place until Monday.

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Colorado baker faces complaint for refusing anti-gay message on cake – Discrimination against discrimination…I hate that!

Obama expected to allow drilling in Atlantic – As long as they keep the drill off the bottom.

Cowboys fan asking for $88 billion in suit vs. NFL – Fan is upset over the Dez Bryant call in the Packer game.  I’d say Eighty eight billion ought to about cover it.

Men: It’s Never Too Late To Look Years Younger – All you have to do is find yourself a trophy wife.

Tennis commentator asks female star to 'twirl' for crowd, draws backlash – Oh big deal, why is this sexist?  The dude just wanted to checkout her ass.

Boy, 13, builds Braille printer with Legos – Machine works great but is limited to the letter “G.” 

California bars judges from belonging to Boy Scouts – Oh come on…how many judges in California are young enough to be boy scouts?

Woman orders sweet tea and chicken sandwich at Burger King and gets bag full of $2,631 in cash – “Will that be to go?” “No, I’ll spend it right here.”

New Jersey school evacuated after chemistry lab 'mishap' involving acid – Big deal, acid trips were quite common in the 60’s.

Mysterious radio signal from space caught live for first time – The signal was faint but scientists clearly heard “Baba Booey…Baba Booey!”

Michelle Obama forgoes a headscarf and sparks backlash in Saudi Arabia – Well, that is pretty scandalous.  Chopping off people’s heads and flogging bloggers isn’t a problem though.

Chris Christie Heading To London In February – “London Bridge is shutting down, shutting down, London Bridge…”

Police Officer Accused Of Hitting Wife In Face With 4 Children At Home – I would have thought that after being hit with the first, or the second child at the least, his wife would be knocked cold.

Tourists run up Philadelphia's famous 'Rocky steps'... and find Sylvester Stallone – Talk about “jumping the shark” movie star is down to taking selfies with tourists.

*Thanks to Val @ http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/ , J @ http://www.whathappensatgrandmas.com/ and Frog for stupid headline submissions.

Last week’s fake was:

Rooster in the road causes three car pile-up – Three more people wondering, “WHY? Why?”

The following geniuses figured it out:

TexWisGirl

i'll go with rooster in the road this time!

Or a prairie chicken.

fishducky

I think it's Rooster in the road causes three car pile-up, unless he was crossing the road for his wife, who was out with the girls!!

Fishducky knows her fowl jokes.

Hilary

There's always one of your remarks which makes me laugh more than the rest. And I suspect those are your fakes. ;) In this case, I'm laughing at "Why, why?" So my guess is that the rooster headline is fake. A whoop dee doo from you is like winning the pullet surprise.

I see what you did there!  I feel the same way about the POTW.

messymimi

The one about the rooster -- while it's possible, i think we all know by now why they cross the road! At least a couple of them i know are true, read them elsewhere. You find some funny stuff!

Speaking of funny stuff http://messymimismeanderings.blogspot.com/   

stevebethere

Hmm rubs chin and decides also on the rooster

Also good, check it out http://bethere2day.com/

Sandee

I'm going with the rooster in the road one. That would be roadkill in no time. Heck I wouldn't even swerve for a rooster.

Again? Dang!

CTRL and click on the names and visit and congratulate our winners.

COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

DOING WHAT COMES UNNATURALLY

DOING WHAT COMES UNNATURALLY

A cranky opinion for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with very little knowledge on the subject opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome.  They are welcome but will probably be ignored.  As always, please no name calling.  That means you, you big stupid head!

My father was a recreational pilot.  He flew a single engine plane.  He learned to fly in the thirties, only thirty years after the Wright Brothers.  He told me a story about early pilots.

When an airplane climbs higher and higher it eventually reaches a point where it loses speed and can climb no more.  It goes into what is called a stall.  If the plane does not use more power to gain speed, the stall turns into a tail first spin and the plane crashes. 

In the early days of aviation when a pilot went into a stall his natural instincts were to pull back on the stick to keep the nose pointed in the direction he wanted to go.  That did not work so well, and at the time going into a stall was considered irreversible and a crash was unavoidable. Many pilots were killed because they went into a stall. 

Finally one pilot (probably several pilots independently) decided that the way out of a stall was to push the nose down allowing the plane to gain speed and then pull the nose level and fly out of the stall.

Other pilots said he was crazy, that a stall was irreversible and a crash was unavoidable.  The daredevil pilot did not listen; he flew and intentionally put his plane in a stall, pushed the nose down, gained speed and was able to level the plane out.  Soon all pilots learned that the way out of a stall is to do exactly the opposite of what your instinct told you to do.

How many other things in life are there where doing the opposite of what your instinct tells you do is the correct thing to do?

The earth is flat.  Early scientist’s instincts were wrong.  Bleed the bad blood out of the sick.  Early doctor’s instincts were wrong.

If threatened by a dog or wild animal, running away is what your instincts tell you to do.  Your instincts are sometimes wrong.

Caught swimming in an undertow your instincts tell you to swim directly to shore.  Your instincts are wrong.

In golf, the more you aim to adjust for a slice; the greater you ball will slice.  Your instinct is wrong.

The slower the pitch in baseball, the easier it is to hit.  Sometimes, but often your instinct is wrong.

When your wheels spin on ice your instinct is to step on the gas.  Your instinct is wrong.

Are you overweight and want to lose fat?  Your instinct is to eat a fat free diet; current research by prominent scientists, suggest that your instincts are probably wrong.

Doing what comes unnaturally is why skepticism is sometimes not a bad thing.  We need people to doubt, we need people to question.

Usually the skeptic is proven wrong.  Sometimes he is not.

Burn stuff and the Earth gets warmer…Seems to make sense.

More police, stricter enforcement has to lower crime rates…Couldn’t hurt.

Raise the minimum wage and raise middle class standard of living…Of course.

Eliminate poverty by handing out food and money…Worth a try.

When the rich get richer, the money will trickle down to everyone…It could happen.

Raise taxes to increase revenue…Makes sense.

Cut waste in government to balance the budget…Has to work…right?

Genetically altered food can increase productivity and help feed the world...How could that be bad?

Alcohol is bad; make it illegal…Problem solved.

The value of some ideas change with a moving target of economic and social conditions.  We need to be open to adjusting "status quo" positions.

Often what seems obvious, what instinct tells you to do, is exactly what you should not do.  In generally the old saw to “trust your instincts” is a good one, but if following your instincts, following the obvious, does not seem to be working, perhaps it is time to consider putting the nose down to get out of a stall.

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.

The Secrets To Success

The Secrets To Success

What are the secrets to success? I probably would not be classified by most people as “successful,” but failure has never kept me from expressing opinions.  Observation and common sense tells me there are several secrets to success.

The first and most obvious way to be successful is to set really low goals. 

I am a lousy golfer, but my goal was to break 110.  Success!

I am not a great bowler, but I set a goal to bowl 300…in a three game series.  Success!

See, it’s easy.

If you are not one to set low goals, here is another way to be successful.

I have a friend with a certain amphibious nick name who is very successful for one reason.  He never says he can’t do something.   He was a history teacher and someone asked him if he could do a public relations project.  He had never worked public relations, but he said “Sure, I can do that.” Then he read a book and ended up running his own public relations company.  When working public relations for his local police department he was asked if he was good with computers.  He said, “Sure, I know computers.”  Then he read a book and soon became a criminologist and expert in computer based crime prediction; all because he never said no.  Also he is pretty friggin smart.  That always helps.

Actually smart does not always lead to success.  My father always said, “Some of the most successful people are successful only because they were too stupid to know that what they wanted to do was impossible.  Then they went out and did it”

So in summary, to be successful in any endeavor you need to be really smart and never say you can’t do something; be just stupid enough to try to do something that no one else will try because they know it can’t be done…and then do it anyway, or set really low goals.

If I can just get ten people a day to read my posts and anyone to comment, I will consider myself to be a successful blogger.