PARKING PET PEEVE
One
of my pet peeves is people that park their car directly behind my
driveway. I hate backing out of the
driveway anyway, but it is particularly annoying when I have to be careful to
not ram your STUPID FRICKING CAR
that you just had to park directly behind my driveway!
I am not an
unreasonable man, I understand on a busy road sometimes there is nowhere else
to park. But when you have a choice??
Years ago,
my across the street neighbor in a fairly exclusive NJ suburban McMansion
neighborhood, insisted on parking her car on the street directly behind my
driveway. All of these houses had two to
three car garages, and double wide driveways, so there was no reason to ever
park on the street.
This
neighbor was an extremely stupid woman with a three car family who insisted it
was a convenience to park one car on the street. She did not want to park it directly in front
of her house as that would distract from the magnificence of her home, so she
parked it just behind her lot and directly where I had to take great care not
to ram her every time I backed out of my driveway.
Just in case
you may take umbrage with my characterization of this woman as being stupid,
let me cite a few examples:
A local
organization held a 50/50 drawing to raise money. Ordinarily these raffles charge a dollar a
ticket or three for five dollars. This
organization decided to just offer one choice.
Each raffle ticket cost five dollars.
Mrs. Stupidhead from across the street complained rather loudly, “Five
dollars a ticket! For five dollars we
should get at least three tickets!”
Yeah,
jerkweed, that’ll change the odds.
Not
convinced this lady was a complete numnutz?
This
neighbors surname was Dickson. Her
teenage girls whined that some kids in school teased them because of their
name…DICKson. In order to appease her precious daughters
she had the surname legally changed…to…wait for it… DECKson.
Anyone who
knows anything at all about teenagers would know that if you ended one school
year named Dickson and returned in the fall named Deckson it would not
eliminate the name teasing, but would in fact exacerbate the taunting.
My son’s
middle name is Dixon from my grandmother’s maiden name. She would roll in her grave if anyone tried
to dishonor the name by changing it to Dexon.
Anyway, I used to joke that I was surprised that since her kids were
being teased over their name that she didn’t have it legally changed to DICKhead! She was that stupid.
So the
stupid neighbor continued to park where it was difficult to back out of my
driveway without hitting her car. One
day a young lady who was visiting my son, backed out of our driveway without
expecting that someone would park their car directly behind our driveway when
there were so many other non-stupid places to park. She rammed directly into Mrs. Dickheads
car.
The young lady came
into our house very upset and explained what just occurred.
“Was there
any damage to your car?”
“No.”
“Was there
any damage to the parked car?”
“Yes! There is a huge dent to the driver side
door.”
“Did anyone
see you?”
“No.”
“You have a
nice day then.”
If you are
reading this Mrs. Dickhead, and I am not sure you can read, “Good!”
Hmmm…make
that “FUCKING GOOD!!.....Dickhead.”
