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Thursday, June 14, 2018

Shopping With Mrs. C

Shopping With Mrs. C

I own four suits, two sports jackets, three casual slacks, two nice slacks, a bunch of shorts, a couple of bum-around pants, eight dress shirts and a bunch of casual shirts. 

I wear a suit maybe twice a year, nice slacks once or twice, dress shirts three or four times maybe.

I wear shorts, or bum-around pants almost always with a tee shirt or golf shirt.  I should not need to clothes shop ever again.  I have clothes I will probably never wear, but I have them “just in case.”

I do wear a pair of casual pants as often as once a week.  I wear them when we go out to eat at a restaurant fancier than “Red Lobster.”  Of the three pair, one doesn’t fit correctly, and the other two I can never find.  They are usually somewhere in the guest closet mashed in-between the suits I never wear. 

A typical night before going out to dinner goes like this,

“Gad Damn it, where are my nice casual pants?”

“In the guest closet.”

“I can’t find them, all I find are the pants that fit funny and I am not wearing them…ever!”

“Oh for crap sake, I’ll get them…here, right on the bed, not put away from after our vacation.”

“Damn it, I need several more pair, just so I can find the dang things the few times I need them!”

The other night we went to Kohls to shop for two pair of casual slacks.

We weren’t sure of the length I take so Mrs. C picked out slacks in 30 and 32 length.  She picked out four styles so that was eight pair.

“Go try them on.”

I went to the try-on area and every door was closed.

“For crap sake, all the changing rooms are closed, I know they are not all used, why don’t people leave the door open when they are done?”

“Just look for one with no feet.”

“I’m not crawling around looking for feet!  Why do people close the doors?  It’s like at a party I stand outside a bathroom door for 15 minutes because the last idiot who used the toilet left and closed the door!”

“Here, this one is open.”

That changing room was a mess.  The cardboard and tissue innards of several shirts were all over the floor and several un-purchased shirts just hung up and left.

I'm shopping with pigs.

I determined I was a 30 length and modeled a pair for Mrs. C.

“The right length is 30, let’s just get a pair of the tan and a pair of the black.”

“Let me see the 32 length.”

“They’re too long.”

“Just put them on, and let me see the other styles also.”

“I’m not trying on another 8 pair!  These two are fine.”

“Just let me see them and I also found a few that are similar but cheaper.”

The problem is, women love shopping for clothes.  Men have a limit of maybe 6 minutes and I had gone five minutes over my limit.

“Just try them on.”

“You know how you get when I suggest throwing anything away?  That’s how I am right now, I’m done lets just buy these two and get out of this place, it is giving me the heebie-jeebies.”

“You’re a big baby…and a jerk”

“Guilty, now let’s get outta here!”

The black pair fit funny, they pull up in my butt cheeks a bit…I will probably never wear them…I will also never tell Mrs. C.


  1. You should get 28 length so that your dress slacks look like the ones Stephen Colbert wears.

    I hate trying on clothes. Grab my size, leave, and damn the consequences.

  2. Is it possible that you ARE a jerk?

  3. As i always tell my Sweetie, taking the time to try them on now saves on your having to bring them back when they don't fit later.

  4. Don't worry, you won't be able to find that black pair by the time Mrs. C thinks you should wear them.

  5. I'm guessing you didn't try on the black pair? Tsk, then you would have known they fit funny and wouldn't have bought them. Now, about the pants at home that fit funny - why do you still have them? put them in a goodwill bin. And why four suits when one or two will do? I have bum-around clothes too, they're my favourite things to wear, old and comfortable.

  6. What fun. I never went clothes shopping with my man, knowing full well we would end up arguing.

  7. You really should listen to Mrs. C.

  8. Would you believe there are women (specifically me) who hate to shop and try on clothes? My husband could have written this - he hated to go shopping with me. I would walk into a store, go directly to the racks of the thing I wanted to buy, flip through, not find what I wanted and walk out. He would say "But you didn't look at everything" I don't want to look at everything, I want what I want, they don't have it, I'm gone. Nowadays I just wear leggings and t-shirts, easy to buy on-line, 10 minutes, I'm done. OTOH - I love shopping for my husbands clothes - suits, shirts, ties - so fun! And since all his clothes have to be altered anyway (he's super tall and skinny) size is almost beside the point - it's all color and style. And secretly he enjoys all the attention.

  9. Ah, this reminds me of why I rarely go clothes shopping with Romeo. :-)

  10. True, guys just don't have a clothes shopping gene. I have one suit, I think, but I haven't seen it in so long I'm not even sure where it is. I do have one sport coat and a couple of pair of casual slacks, and if that won't meet the dress code, I don't need to go there. I wear t-shirts and occasionally a polo shirt with either shorts or jeans depending on if it's summer or Jan 23rd, otherwise known in Texas as "winter".

  11. I feel your pain. I hate trying on clothes.

  12. I'm with you 100 percent! I hate buying clothes, I hate trying them on, hate everything about it. I'm on my way to becoming Steve Jobs, except for jeans it's capris (it's hot in Florida!) and instead of the black T-shirt it's a white polo shirt.