Shopping With Mrs. C

Shopping With Mrs. C

I own four suits, two sports jackets, three casual slacks, two nice slacks, a bunch of shorts, a couple of bum-around pants, eight dress shirts and a bunch of casual shirts. 

I wear a suit maybe twice a year, nice slacks once or twice, dress shirts three or four times maybe.

I wear shorts, or bum-around pants almost always with a tee shirt or golf shirt.  I should not need to clothes shop ever again.  I have clothes I will probably never wear, but I have them “just in case.”

I do wear a pair of casual pants as often as once a week.  I wear them when we go out to eat at a restaurant fancier than “Red Lobster.”  Of the three pair, one doesn’t fit correctly, and the other two I can never find.  They are usually somewhere in the guest closet mashed in-between the suits I never wear. 

A typical night before going out to dinner goes like this,

“Gad Damn it, where are my nice casual pants?”

“In the guest closet.”

“I can’t find them, all I find are the pants that fit funny and I am not wearing them…ever!”

“Oh for crap sake, I’ll get them…here, right on the bed, not put away from after our vacation.”

“Damn it, I need several more pair, just so I can find the dang things the few times I need them!”

The other night we went to Kohls to shop for two pair of casual slacks.

We weren’t sure of the length I take so Mrs. C picked out slacks in 30 and 32 length.  She picked out four styles so that was eight pair.

“Go try them on.”

I went to the try-on area and every door was closed.

“For crap sake, all the changing rooms are closed, I know they are not all used, why don’t people leave the door open when they are done?”

“Just look for one with no feet.”

“I’m not crawling around looking for feet!  Why do people close the doors?  It’s like at a party I stand outside a bathroom door for 15 minutes because the last idiot who used the toilet left and closed the door!”

“Here, this one is open.”

That changing room was a mess.  The cardboard and tissue innards of several shirts were all over the floor and several un-purchased shirts just hung up and left.

I'm shopping with pigs.

I determined I was a 30 length and modeled a pair for Mrs. C.

“The right length is 30, let’s just get a pair of the tan and a pair of the black.”

“Let me see the 32 length.”

“They’re too long.”

“Just put them on, and let me see the other styles also.”

“I’m not trying on another 8 pair!  These two are fine.”

“Just let me see them and I also found a few that are similar but cheaper.”

The problem is, women love shopping for clothes.  Men have a limit of maybe 6 minutes and I had gone five minutes over my limit.

“Just try them on.”

“You know how you get when I suggest throwing anything away?  That’s how I am right now, I’m done lets just buy these two and get out of this place, it is giving me the heebie-jeebies.”

“You’re a big baby…and a jerk”

“Guilty, now let’s get outta here!”

The black pair fit funny, they pull up in my butt cheeks a bit…I will probably never wear them…I will also never tell Mrs. C.