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Sunday, November 20, 2016

EXPLAINING MY PROUD CULTURE

EXPLAINING MY PROUD CULTURE

This re-run is from November 2012.  I submit it again in hopes it will promote understanding during this week of Thanksgiving.  

(There may be sarcasm involved...based on some previous comments, I had to confirm this.)
OK, this is the third time around...it's the holidays...Wednesday will also be a rerun, and Thursday is a bye.


The recent election has convinced me, much to my disappointment, that this country is still not ready to accept racial and cultural differences.  As a member of a new minority this concerns me greatly.  I think much of the problem is that people just do not understand my culture and its traditions.  I will attempt here to explain my culture and its traditions in the hopes it will promote greater understanding and tolerance. 

That’s right, Cranky is a WASP!

A white Anglo-Saxon Protestant.
Cranky's baby spoon...unashamedly born with a silver spoon in my mouth! 

I will hide my heritage no longer.  I am proud to be a WASP. Oh sure there was that little thing about slavery, but I did some research and it turns out that none of my relatives ever owned other people.  Some may have been nasty bastards that took advantage of people of lesser means, but there is no proof of that.

I often read about the difficulty and hardships that people of non-WASP heritage had to endure growing up; well let me tell you, growing up WASP was not a picnic.

At age four I was forced to ride a pony.  At age ten I was forced to learn how to sail a boat…by myself…alone! I had to know the difference between a sloop and a ketch; I had to know how to tie a bowline, a half-hitch, a figure-eight and other nautical knots.  I had to know how to spell yacht, and learn what red-right-return meant.

I have been subjected to numerous hurtful WASP stereotypes:

All WASPs do not tie the arms of their sweaters around their neck.  If you see someone who does this, he is a WASP, but all WASPs do not do this.

All WASPs have thin lips…ok this one is true but it is still hurtful to point it out.

All old WASP men say “Harrumph” a lot.  Once again, if an old man says “Harrumph” he is a WASP, but many old WASP men do not say “Harrumph.”

All WASPs are not rich; some are just comfortable.

All WASPs are not named Biff, Buffy, Mitt or Trey.  If someone has one of these names, he is a WASP, but all WASPs do not have these names.

I had to endure several WASP rules growing up:

WASPS must not show emotion. 

Crying is for women only and then only in private. 

Anger must be behind closed doors. 

Cursing is unnecessary as long as you can say gosh darn, gol dang, crummy buttons, dang, cheese and rice, shoot or flip, there is no need to curse (WASPs do not say cuss.)

Men can laugh, but knee slapping is frowned upon.  Women must hide their mouth and feign embarrassment if they dare to laugh.

Women never burp or fart. 

Men will fart, but it will be called breaking wind, and it is never acknowledged by others.

WASPs do not cry at funerals. They sniff and dab at their eyes.  Anything else is considered undignified.

WASPs traditionally prefer bland food; flavor may trigger emotion.

                                   

WASP children are not brats…they are precocious.

WASPs are never wrong…we are misinformed.   

 WASPs have a special affection for silver.  Silver is elegant, gold is “showy.” Silver is especially important at the dinner table.  Every setting has several different forks,  everyone has a butter knife and there is an array of special silver utensils like a tiny fork for stabbing olives, a giant round knife just for that Thanksgiving cranberry log, and of course a silver cake cutter.          
Important WASP utensils
Cake cutter not included...I think my brother got it.

My favorite WASP silver is the small silver salt bowl…with a cobalt blue glass insert.  A tiny salt spoon held between the thumb and middle finger, and tapped by the index finger distributes the salt.  It takes the average WASP years of practice to master this technique.


               WASP salt distribution tools                     
WASPs love antique furniture.  

Holidays at a WASP house smell of turkey, silver polish and furniture polish.

WASPs like uncomfortable clothes.

WASPs do not get drunk…we get inebriated.

I would tell you about WASPs and sex, but I am a WASP.


Most WASPs are good people.  We have a heart, we go to church, we give to charity, and we are honest and hardworking.  We love our family, and we love our country.

Kind of like you. 

I hope some of these rules and traditions have helped you to better understand my culture.  I am a WASP.  I am proud to be a WASP.  Someday maybe non-WASP people will learn to be tolerant of our traditions.

“Harrumph!”

20 comments:

  1. I was born a WAS-C (White Anglo Saxon Catholic). I converted later to a WAS-C (White Anglo Saxon Christian). Actually now that I think of it, I'm not sure I'm Anglo Saxon. My "roots" are Slavic, 100% Polish in nature. I try to do the best I can with what I have to work with. I don't try to discriminate. I try to accept and help and show kindness to others. I think it just makes me a participant in this human race?

    betty

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  2. You should have a read of this blog:-
    https://theoldmoneybook.com
    Definitely no sarcasm there :)

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  3. Being a WASP sounds suspiciously like being upper class English, with possibly the only difference is you don't send your kids to boarding school from age 6 to 18.
    I've never had this explained so thoroughly before, so thanks. From a commoner of a much lower order.

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  4. I guess I'm a WASP too, a poor one, one that didn't go to boarding school or have anything posh.

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  5. I'm a WASP and proud first generation college graduate. My WASP ancestors were all farmers or servants, so I guess I'm not all that WASPish, in the cultural sense.

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  6. My English/Irish/Scotch/Dutch ancestors were working class, as were the Italians and the Lebanese and the Albanians -- a mixture for sure.

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  7. It's now 2016, after the election. I wonder how many would just as well have wished our President, who is racially and culturally different, could have had a third term.

    I suppose I am a bit waspISH. I think it sounds better than being a Kraut. I do like my silver, anyway.

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  8. I used to think I was a WASP until I read your list...now I'm not so sure lol.

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  9. I am Waspish in that we were only upper crust on my mother's side. Dad was a lower end WASP. Had to laugh at the silver comment. My mom had barrels of heirloom silver that had to be moved when we did. Being the only girl child, it was my job to polish those crates of silver. I hate silver today.

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  10. I am proud to know you and I respect your culture. I respect every culture until any one culture tries to demean my culture. Then there is a problem.

    Have a fabulous day. ☺

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  11. I come from a long line of European Jews; is there any way I could become a WASP?

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  12. Well, you got your guy in the columned house on Pennsylvania Ave, dontcha? You guys will be getting the respect you've been missing. Enjoy.
    Us others, the other 75% of the population, will get what we get, from the leavings. But we'll be happy with this, nod and smile....'yessir'.
    Couple of my kids might not be so compliant, but, well, your people trained him, ranger school and all.

    Just kidding, Joeh.
    Just like your post, just kidding.
    Mike

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    Replies
    1. For the record this post was written in 2012 it is not intended in any way to be political and is merely a satirical post where I poke a little fun at my own roots...this will remain a political free blog, i am not responsible for political comments.

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  13. My husband definitely fits this profile. Not sure how he ended up with a German like me. Wait, I remember. I asked him out.

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  14. I really like that trick with the salt spoon. But it doesn't work worth a darn with my $1.98 salt shaker.

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  15. I think my husband and I are WASPs, even though I grew up in a trailer, and he in a house with no indoor plumbing, taking a bath in a washtub in the kitchen, and putting cardboard in his shoes to cover the holes in the soles.

    We've done okay. Sometimes, you've gotta make your own picnic.

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  16. Hi, I'm here via Stephen Hayes and the Chubby Chatterbox blog. Glad to meet you. After reading this I don't know what I am. White, Irish, Spiritual. I do drink lager beer and I curse up a storm. What does that make me? LOL Great post.

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  17. I'm a Heinz 57 but when you have an Italian Catholic dad you're Italian and Catholic. :) - Catching up! Been hiding out in "Santa's/Mimi's Workshop." :)

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  18. It's not easy being a WASP. You have done well to succeed in life despite this background of hardship and struggle.

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