Stop the World, we want to get off

 

Stop the World, we want to get off

Written by we, ourselves and us.

I recently read an article about a protestor who tied themselves to the net during a French Tennis Open match.  The article said they were an environmental protestor.  I found something about the article confusing…I must be getting old.  

Of course, I was under the impression that pronouns are to be used based on a person's choice, but apparently the media is now deciding that if not specified, the accepted LGBTQIA+ pronouns should be used.

I shouldn’t be confused about the new use of pronouns.  Nothing wrong with political correctness.  I am learning; for instance, this happened the other day:

We were shopping at the market by ourselves and we started to talk to the person behind us.  They were only buying a few items, so we asked them if they wanted to step in line in front of us.  We were alone as were they and not in a hurry.  My wife was at home and they weren’t waiting for us for anything, so we figured we could let them step in front of us and it would not bother my wife who was home alone by themselves.

Anyway, this person replied that it was OK, they were not in a hurry so they could wait.

While the two of us were chatting, the cashier asked us for our store card while they rang up our groceries.  We then bagged our groceries, we paid and left.

The person behind thanked us for our gesture and we told them they were welcome.

If this is confusing, at least it does not offend, after all, that is very important.

 

That "Called to see the principal feeling"

 

That "Called to see the principal feeling"

 

This cranky old man is a law-abiding citizen.  I have not been given a speeding ticket in 58 years… (OK, one but that was a turnpike speed trap where I was one of 8 cars pulled over at a time for speeding in a “construction” area.  Every car on that highway was exceeding the limit.  It would have been dangerous to drive the “construction” area limit.)

I have never been in jail, never been in trouble.  (I did steal a .30 yo-yo from EJ Korvettes when I was 11, but I got away with that one.)

Anyway, I am your basic “goody two-shoes.”

So, why do I often get that “called to see the principal feeling”?

Is it just me?  Why do I suddenly feel like I am guilty of something whenever a police car happens to be behind me? I check my speed, start signaling for no reason, and break out in a cold sweat.  It is a wonder I don’t get pulled over for

“Looking guilty of something!”

I get that feeling whenever I have to make a banking transaction.  Wells Fargo, a bank that has had their own corporate wrists slapped several times recently, always makes me feel like I am doing something illegal.

This is the bank that asked for a thumb print when I deposited money into my own account.  This is the bank that for a year charged me $2 every time I used a non-Wells Fargo ATM machine and never disclosed that information to me. 

I would use a different bank; except I like their on-line system and don’t want to learn a new one.

Anyway, today I had to deposit money from my account at a different bank into Mrs. C’s Wells Fargo account.  Mrs. C generally makes this monthly transaction, but today she was busy and it had to be done for bill paying purposes.

I was carefully instructed in the process.

“Make your check out to cash, sign the back “For deposit only to Mrs. C” and write my account number on that side.  Hand it to the teller along with a deposit slip with the date, and the amount.   The account number is on the deposit slip.”

I did as instructed and went to the bank.  Approaching the teller, I felt like George Costanza ordering a “medium turkey chili” from the Soup Nazi.

“May I help you?”

I slid the check and the deposit slip under the window and stepped aside.

“Is this a deposit?”

“Um hum.” (I would have thought the deposit slip was a dead give away but was still, for some reason, intimidated.)

“Is this for someone else?”

Why is she asking me this, do I look like a Mrs. C?

“Yes, that is my wife’s account.”

Now, Mrs. C never took my last name as she did not want to change 873 different forms and identifications.

Peering over lowered reading glasses, “She has a different name?”

“Yes.”

She looked at me up and down.  I tried not to flinch and look guilty.

Finally, after much stamping and filing she handed me a receipt.  “Have a nice day.”

I left feeling as if I pulled off the crime of the century, and didn’t even get detention.

I should probably see a therapist. 

 

  

Things That make me Cranky

 

Things That make me Cranky

 

I’m old.  I don’t like most new things.  I don’t like most new trends.  Nothing wrong with new things.  Nothing wrong with new trends.  I just don’t like most of them.  I’m old.

The following is a list of new things and new trends that particularly are the aluminum foil on my dental fillings.

 

“My mom house.”  Umm, (‘S)!  What happened to the possessive?

“I had went to the store.”  I get tense over tenses.  Went, or had gone, “had went” is a splinter under my fingernail.

“You guyses.” I’m pretty sure the plural of guy is guys.

"I borrowed him some money" Umm, do you mean you lent some money to him?

At this point let me say my grammar is far from perfect, and I am a lousy speller, but how did people get past second grade with “My mom house.” “I had went to the store.”  “You guyses.” and "I borrowed him some money"? I’m pretty sure these people have NEVER been corrected.  Are teachers today afraid to correct kids on grammar? WHY??

Anyway, on with my list.

People do not know how to cross the street.  You might want to at least look first.  Hell, I look both ways crossing a one-way street.

Personal pronouns!!!  ARRRRGH!! Burns like fresh cheese pizza on my palate.

Literally/Actually/Awesome.  ARRRGH!!!

Cell phones  OK, actually I often literally think they are awesome...sometimes.

Things that “trigger” people.  Send me a list and I will try to avoid the 187,264 things that “trigger” people today.

People with crazy eyes that are allowed to buy guns.  Need I explain?

Alexa. Just because.

Music blaring from a car with windows down.  If you turn the music down and roll up the windows you can enjoy it and I won’t hear it…I get it, you are cool.

Strangers who tell me to “smile things can’t be that bad!”  You don’t know that…FUCK YOU!!

People who brag about not watching TV.  I don’t go to OPERA, and I’ve never seen or desire to see “Hamilton” but I don’t brag about it…WTF?

People who need to tell me that Golf is just a stupid game where you chase a little ball around the grass.  Yeah, and Nuclear Physics is just splitting an atom.

Lists of stupid things that annoy…wait…

OK, I’m done.