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Monday, June 11, 2018

CUSSIN

CUSSIN
This re-run is from July 2011, it is also from my little read or seldom purchased second book, (possibly little read and seldom purchased because of my first book) "I Used To Be Stupid." I thought it might be appropriate following my recent "Saturday Opinion" post.

I received a comment from a lovely lady from Utah asking me to eliminate the bad words in my blog as her children also read blogs she follows.  My sister-in-law editor once questioned my language and I responded with the following on "CUSSIN" which is part of the yet unpublished "I Used To Be Stupid."  I do try and use my cursing for comic value and doubt I can change.  Perhaps The Cranky Old Man should be off base to children.  I don't think words are evil, the intent of words is what can be hurtful.

When did cursing become an acceptable part of our culture?  I remember the movie “Saving Private Ryan”.  Reviewers credited the film with its abundant use of “bad words” as finally accurately depicting a war scenario.  Seemingly the stress of a brutal war such as WWII would have brought out uncensored language from hungry, sleep deprived, un-showered men, pained from seeing their friends and comrades being shot or blown up, but was this depiction really accurate?
The WWII generation I knew never cursed.  They did not even call it cursing; bad words were “cussin”.  Even the word curse was a curse.

Growing up, I never once heard my father, any of my uncles, or my grandfather use a “bad word”.  I never heard a neighbor or teacher use a “bad word”.

My Mom did have a potty mouth.  Faced with a minor inconvenience such as a dropped egg she would sometimes exclaim “Hell’s Bells”.  We would not even flinch.  Something major like a burnt and ruined pot roast would elicit a “Dammit to Hell!”  The entire Hagy clan would become scarce over this outburst until we heard the downgraded “Hell’s Bells” when we knew the coast was clear.  Other than those rare outbursts I never heard a “cuss” while growing up.  

The Lord’s name was never taken in vain.  Damn, Dammit, or God Dammit were substituted with Darn, Dang it, Gosh Darn, Gol Darn it, or Dad Burn it.  “Jesus Christ”, was “Cheese and Rice”.

All “cussin” was watered down.  Shit! Was Shoot! Phooey replaced Fuck and Shucks was a combo.  Crap became Crud, Piss was Pee and you stepped in dog doo, doody, poop, or poo.  People who you did not like were not assholes, they were horse’s asses, or the even more watered down horse’s patoots.  My Dad would never directly call anyone an ass; he would just comment,

“You know there are more horse’s asses in this world than there are horses”. 

Apparently sailors regularly used “bad” words as I always heard the expression “He curses like a sailor”.  I never heard a sailor curse, but I’m guessing they did.  I’m not as sure about the soldiers as depicted in today’s movies.  

I think the non use of these words was firmly ingrained in this generation and they were avoided by most, even under the greatest stress imaginable.  Before this generation would holler “Die you mother fucking German asshole”, they would remember that bar of soap Grandma made them eat when caught saying “Damn you!” and they would revert to, “Phooey on you, you flipping Kraut!” 

WWII graffiti would confirm the above assertion.  I’ve never seen pictures of war torn walls with “Fuck you Hitler” or “Mussolini sucks cock” written on them, only the scrawling's of a man peering over a wall with the caption “Kilroy was here”.  Pretty nasty stuff don’t cha think?   

My high school football coach, Gary Kehler, never cursed.  The worst word he ever used was “piddle”.  “Hagy that block was piddle”.  I never really knew what piddle meant, but when I heard it in conjunction with my name I just nodded my head and ran a lap.  He might have once hollered “Dag Blast It”, but that was leveled at our fullback Leroy Gallman, so I ignored it.

Piddle means CRAP you dumb bunny.  Now take a lap!

You got it coach.

I believe it was comedians who first pushed the envelope with words.  Curse words added punctuation to a story and the shock factor made people laugh.  Lenny Bruce was the first to openly use curse words, and he was publicly ostracized and jailed for his use of unacceptable language.  Privately his humor was legendary.

George Carlin’s brilliant routine on the seven words you can’t say on television finally opened the floodgates on profanity.  A master wordsmith, Carlin brilliantly exposed the hypocrisy of the banning of “shit, piss, fuck, cunt, mother-fucker, cock-sucker, and tit”.  His logical dissertations on the use of words were genius.  

“You can prick your finger…... but you can’t finger your prick!!"

Once acceptable as humor, profanity seeped into books, movies and cable TV.  So common did this speech become in the media, it worked its way into our everyday lexicon. Previously limited to back alleys, seedy bars, or stag parties, profanity is now common on crowded streets, public transportation and cocktail parties.  Once never uttered in the presence of a Lady, these words are now often initiated by ladies.

The use of profanity does have a place in humor, and I am in fact guilty of using it in an attempt at humor in my writing, but the world might be better off if we limited these words in our normal everyday life.  How many knife stabbings, gun shots or incidents of road rage would be eliminated if “Phooey on you, you big stupid head” replaced, “Fuck you, you fucking asshole!”?

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can cut like a knife!  “Ugly,” can hurt. “Fatso” can be painful.  “Nigger,” “Faggot,” or “Honkey” can be lethal.  “Old fat bald guy,” is also not very nice (trust me).  

All words have a time and a place, but they can be used with the intent to hurt.  When used to hurt, curse words are the weapons of mass destruction in our verbal arsenal.

God Dammit, did I just write something profound?

Let me read that again………Shit, I think that’s profound!

I’ll read it again in ten years, I’m sure by then it will just be stupid.  

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Stupid Headlines 061018


Stupid Headlines 061018

It is time again for


STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.
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GM executive wrecks Corvette pace car at Indycar's Detroit Grand Prix – I think they may add another x to executive.

A white woman called police on black people barbecuing – In her defense they were in her back yard…What it was in a public park?  Well then that is just wrong.

7 men arrested for allegedly touching underage girls at water park – Apparently you should always ask a girls age before inappropriately touching them at a water park.

State trooper pulls over the cop who delivered him almost 27 years ago – I have no idea how he recognized him.

Park rangers using microchip technology to track down cactus thieves - They follow the microchips and then arrest the dude whose hands are bleeding.

Organic material found on Mars - Clean up on Planet four.
Fisherman drags thrashing blacktip shark back into ocean – You’d think the shark would go willingly.

LeBron James reveals he played with ‘self-inflicted’ broken hand for majority of NBA Finals – Playing competitive basketball at the highest level with a broken hand…incredible; breaking your own hand out of frustration from losing one game…really stupid!

Trump says he won't invite NBA champs to White House, after rebukes from James, Curry – When I have a party, I never invite people who think I am a piece of shit.  I’m funny that way.

Woman accused of using sex as weapon in bank robbery attempt – A new kind of “stick up?”

TSA agents searching 96-year-old woman in wheelchair sparks outrage – This agent was going to be my A-hole of the week, but it turns out the woman in the wheelchair asked for a second search.



FEEL-GOOD STORY of the WEEK:

Pit bull hailed hero after saving family from house fire – I admit I am a sucker for a good dog story, but one look at this dog…what a big mush!


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COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!


















Friday, June 8, 2018

Watch What You Say


Watch What You Say

An obscene cranky opinion for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with little knowledge on the topic opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome but wrong.  As always, please, no name calling…especially that extra offensive word "cunt."

Rosanne is an idiot.  She may be a racist, she may be a conservative, though in the past I believe she has been a bit liberal.  I don’t really know, hell she is just a comedian.  She is very funny and as a lot of comedians, she lives on the edge of nonconformity. 

She must be an idiot because she caused a giant uproar and had her show cancelled because she made a racist tweet about a woman that I and I assume many, many other people had never heard of.  The tweet did not appear to be made in a response to anything, it seemed to be out of the blue…not smart.

Am I upset that she lost her show?  I watched one episode, it was funny but it was not “must see TV” for me.

Am I upset that she is a racist?  I don’t like racism…who does?  Racists don’t like racism, they just don’t see it when it is them.

Several days after Rosanne’s show was cancelled another comedian called Ivanka Trump a cunt.  She also intimated that there was an incestuous relationship with her father. 

I don’t like racism.

I don’t think women should be called cunts, unless they are nasty then I prefer the word bitch. 

Do I believe this other lady should have her show cancelled? I don’t care.  I’ve not seen the show, I can’t even remember this persons name, I had never heard of her before.

I do enjoy all the hoo-ha over the use of these horrible terms.

In an age where foul language is all over TV, movies, books and magazines, why is everyone upset over words? 

Trump said “shit hole country” OMG, the horrors.  Should he have said backward countries, third world countries, countries without running water?  I’m not sure why any of those are better than shit hole.  I have stayed in motels I described as shit holes.  My college dorm was a shit hole.  If your country can be described as a shit hole, maybe you should try and clean it up.  Hell, most of the leaders in shit hole countries are living pretty damn good.

So, getting back on track, is there a double standard, where Rosanne loses her job for comparing a black woman to a monkey, while another more liberal comedian does not lose her job for comparing Ivanka Trump to a cunt.

How about I don’t give a crap. 

Clearly racist comments are unacceptable in this day and age. 

Apparently using the word cunt to describe another woman is allowed.

It doesn’t really bother me, I don’t use the word cunt, I know that many people are offended by the word cunt and think that the word cunt should never be said out loud.

Is saying cunt worse than saying nigger?  Nigger, cunt; cunt, nigger…I think they both are be offensive, especially when used in certain contexts.

Why is it so awful for a woman to be called a cunt while calling a man a dick is no big deal?  Some men are proud to be dicks, but no woman admits to being a cunt.  Is cunt worse than pussy?  Is it ok to say “Ivanka is such a vagina?” As a man it is better to be called a dick than a penis-head and I have been called both so I know.

Words and their power to hurt or offend has always been interesting to me.  Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me…but if I was black and you called me a nigger, I would kick your ass.  If I was a woman and you called me a cunt, I would scratch your face and pull your hair. 

In this day and age it is probably best to just keep some words to yourself.  Stop tweeting, stop blogging, stop talking…everyone just behave yourself.

That’s all I have to say today.  Maybe I will have more on Tuesday.  If so, I’ll see you next Tuesday.

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily of management Mrs. Cranky.