GAS STATION ATTENDANTS

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS

Apparently there is a shortage of gas station attendants in New Jersey.  There isn’t a shortage in the rest of the country except maybe Oregon, because all the other states allow self-service.  Personally I prefer having an attendant fill my tank, so I don’t want the New Jersey law changed.  Unfortunately we have a shortage of attendants.

In order to fill the need for gas station attendants in New Jersey the state brings in immigrants from Mid-eastern countries.  I don’t know why they all come from the middle-east; you would think immigrants from other countries could do the job; apparently we need attendants from countries that have a lot of oil.  I guess if you come from a country that has a lot of oil you will be very good at pumping gas.

Personally I am surprised that in a state with over 6% unemployment, we could not fill the gas station attendant shortage locally.  Apparently that is not the case.

As long as we have to import labor to fill our tanks in New Jersey, I wish we could demand several skills from these imported attendants before issuing them a visa.

Applicants should:

1.    Demonstrate the ability to put all the gas from the pump into a tank.  If this means learning how to deal with pennies when making change, applicants should have to demonstrate that as well.  Applicants who insist on overflowing gas all over a cars body in order to reach an easy exact change amount will be denied.  Applicants who insist on overflowing gas all over a cars body in order to reach an easy exact change amount even thought the customer is paying with a charge card should be sent to Guantanamo.

2.    Learn to say “Cash or charge?”  “Cach o chach?” is not acceptable.

3.    Learn to say “regular or premium.” “reguum o pemuum?” is not acceptable.  

(Raising your voice and getting angry because people from New Jersey have no idea what you are asking is also unacceptable.)

4.  Understand the term “Fillerup.”

5.    Be able to say “Thank you” when accepting payment.

6.    Be able to say “You’re welcome” when a customer says, “thank you.”

7.    Actually use the ability to say “Thank you” and “You’re welcome” when appropriate.

There was a time when citizens of this country could easily perform all 7 of these requirements.  In addition they could clean your windows and check your engine fluids.  Maybe since we have no self-service in New Jersey, none of the residents ever learned how to work a pump

Perhaps New Jersey schools could add “Gas Station Attendant” to their curriculum.  This would reduce our unemployment rate, and also reduce the need to seek talented individuals from outside the country to fill this important position.

We could recruit people from Pennsylvania to teach the course.

I’m Going To Kill You!

I’m Going To Kill You!

We had some people over to the house this weekend.  We don’t entertain often, but if we didn’t have people over occasionally the place would never get straightened up.  It is not as if we never clean, we (read I) vacuum from time to time and do a weekly bathroom clean, mop and shine, but stuff does get piled up on kitchen counters and chairs a bit.

I keep up with the dishes, but I am not allowed to clean the Tupperware, the steak knives, or any dish that for some reason I am not allowed to put in the dishwasher.

Why not put the Tupperware, steak knives and other stuff in the dishwasher?

I don’t know, but that is not an argument I am going to win.  I try and stay out of arguments that I know I will lose.

So we had guests coming over and everything was straightened up so people could find a place to sit, and there was room on the counter for food the guests might bring.  

Relatives were involved, Italian relatives, so you could guarantee guests would bring extra food.  Apparently in an Italian family, it is not a meal if everyone doesn’t go home with enough food to last another two days.

Sorry, I digressed.

The only thing not cleared away, was the Tupperware, steak knives and assorted dishes that only Mrs. Cranky is allowed to clean.  It was getting down to the wire for guest arrival, Mrs. Cranky was puttering around upstairs, and we were having steak for dinner.  I made an executive decision and washed and dried the steak knives. 

I then gathered paper towels, Windex and sweepers to clean the guest bathroom.  I scrubbed, polished and cleaned everything and was on my knees scrubbing around and in the toilet when Mrs. Cranky screamed.

“I’m going to kill you.”

“What?”

“You cleaned the steak knives!  You never clean them enough, and you put them away.  Now I have to clean ALL the steak knives.  Why did you do that?”

“You have got to be kidding me!  I’m on my knees scrubbing the toilet and you’re going to kill me because I washed the steak knives?  They have been waiting to be cleaned for a week.  I didn’t know you were going to get to them and we will need them for dinner.  I made an executive decision to clean them myself, and I cleaned the hell out of them, soap, rinse, soap and scrub, rinse, soap, scrub and rinse again because I know you are a nut about getting them clean.”

“I was going to get to them.”

“When?”

“Now, I’m going to clean the Tupperware and other dishes now.”

“Great, well you don’t have to do the steak knives, they’re clean.  Is it ok if I get back to scrubbing the toilet or are you still planning to kill me?”

“I’ll let you live this time, but you are still a jerk…and I’m going to have to clean ALL the steak knives.”

And yet I still love her.

Tomorrow IS A Day Away

Tomorrow IS a Day Away…unless today is tomorrow

Youngest Crankette heading for the bus.

 Yesterday I was back in Pennsylvania for an encore performance of Grandpa Joe.  Both Pa. Crankettes are now in school, first grade and kindergarten.  Their parents, the teachers, needed help this one day to get the Crankettes to the bus in the morning.  It was a very short sitting assignment, but I had to drive up the night before to be there in time to see them to their bus.

It was this morning that Connor, the kindergarten Crankette, asked me, “Is today tomorrow?”

“What? No, today is today, tomorrow is tomorrow, unless tomorrow was yesterday, then today is tomorrow.”

“         “

When I saw the glazed over look on Connors face, I realized there must be something more to his question.

“What happens tomorrow Connor?”

“We have gym tomorrow. I like gym”

“When were you told that you have gym tomorrow?”

“Miss Tina said we have gym tomorrow yesterday.”

“Oh, in that case today is tomorrow.”

“So when they say tomorrow, tomorrow will also be today?”

“Well, if yesterday they tell you gym is tomorrow, then the day after yesterday becomes tomorrow which is now today, while the day after today becomes the new tomorrow.  Understand?”

“Can I have yogurt?”