THE FOUR SEASON'S SMELL

THE FOUR SEASON'S SMELL

Spring is upon us.  Winter is putting up a battle, but spring is in the air.  I can feel it.  It may still be 32 degrees, but 32 degrees in March or April just feels much warmer than 32 degrees in January.  I can smell it.  Spring has a smell.  All the seasons smell.

Spring smells new, fresh, like a new car or like clothes fresh out of the dryer.  The flowers, the trees and the grass all emit their spring odor.  Spring smells like linseed oil on leather, it smells like baseball.  Spring smells like open windows and fresh air. 

Summer smells before it is officially upon us.  The world starts to smell slow.  Slow has a smell.  Slow smells like bacon or barbque chicken.  Summer smells slow.  The wind smells slow in summer. Summer is for resting up for what is to come.

I know when fall is near.  I don’t need a calendar, I can smell it.  Fall smells like football.  Yes, football is a smell.  It smells like change, it smells like dying…no, not dying…hibernation.  Fall smells like old air, mulching grass, browning leaves and fermenting fruit.  Fall smells like pie. 

Winter creeps up on us like no other season.  There is fall and suddenly the air is crisp and clean…not fresh like spring, but clean, almost antiseptically clean.  Winter cleanses all the smells of the other seasons.  Winter is a necessary time to rid the world of all the excesses of the other three seasons.  Winter cleanses and prepares us for spring.

Open a window.  Breathe deeply.  Can you smell it?  It may still be cold, but there is no chill.

It smells of spring.

YOU MAY FORGET WHAT YOU LEARN JUST DON'T FORGET HOW TO THINK - a cranky re-run

YOU MAY FORGET WHAT YOU LEARN JUST DON'T FORGET HOW TO THINK

This cranky re-run is from March 2012

At my age I have forgotten way more than I have ever learned and I think the ratio of forgotten to learned is increasing. 

Why do we need to learn stuff that we probably will never use?  This is a question I ask myself today especially with regards to new technology.  It is a question virtually every teenager asks his parents while struggling with plain geometry, physics or Spanish 1. 

The standard parental answer is

1.    You don’t know yet what you will need to know at your age.

2.    Learning these things teaches you how to think.

Both of these answers will not register with your teenager.

My son played baseball in high school.  The field they played on was a perfect square.  It was 300 feet down each foul line and therefore 300 feet from either foul pole to dead center field.  The distance to centerfield was listed as 350 feet.  Many a long fly ball to dead center failed to reach the fence.  The players on the team were convinced dead center was deeper than 350 feet.  The coach said no.

When my son mentioned this to me my immediate response was, “I thought you said you would never use anything you learned in geometry.”

“Huh”

“Draw a line from home plate to center field.  You have a right triangle.  The distance down the right field line (a) is 300 feet.  The distance from the right field foul pole to dead center (b) is the same as the distance from home to the left field foul pole 300 feet.  The distance of the line from home to dead center (c) can be determined by that formula you thought you would never use: a2 + b2 = c2.  So 90000 + 90000 = 180000 and the square root of 180000 is about 424 feet.  Tell your coach the distance to dead center based on the formula a2 + b2 = c2.” is 424 feet not 350 feet.”

The next day I asked my son “Is the coach going to change the center field marker to 424 feet?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“He says he don’t care about no a2 + b2 = c2.  If the sign says it is 350 feet to dead center then it is 350 feet to dead center.”

“Well” I told him, “Now in addition to finding out that you can actually use what you learn in school, your coach has demonstrated why it is also important to  learn how to think.”     

STUPID HEADLINES 032314

STUPID HEADLINES 032314

It is once again time for: Way TMI! STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline is completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-do.  

 ____________________________

Doctors perform rare C-section on gorilla – Strangely enough, most gorillas prefer natural birth…pant, pant, blow…pound your chest…pant, pant, blow…pound your chest.

Professor cooks up recipe for turning wood chips into food – Couldn’t that make you Sick Or More?  Woodn’t it taste like Ash?  Hey, Yew never know.  OK, I’m Elmost done.  Make sure to Spruce up before dinner.  See dare I go again, but I’m done now, by Gum.*

Baptist churches giving away guns to attract new members – I hope the Post Office doesn’t think this is a good way to hire carriers.

Jurors award nearly half-million dollars to handyman who slayed 7 at suburban restaurant – Dang, that’s over $70,000 per murder…who said crime doesn’t pay?

Hangman resigns after seeing gallows for first time – Well it was only a part time job anyway.   (See how I avoided any bad “Its noose to me” pun…well I almost avoided it.)

49ers Coach Jim Harbaugh Does Push-Ups With a Walrus – That’s illegal in 16 New Jersey counties!

Atheist Group Objects To The Term “Crosswalk” – Group insists on naming pedestrian section “Disaway.”

President Obama reveals Final Four picks for NCAA March Madness – Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and Hilary Clinton?  This is college basketball Mr. President!

Man finds egg worth $33.3 million – Now he is looking for the hen.

A State With No Song: Decades-long fight to get NJ an anthem drags on – Val, if you dare suggest “Dirty Water” I will unfriend you!**

Hawaii law allows undercover police officers to have sex with prostitutes – I think this is wrong even if it is done under the covers.

Mt.Gox finds 200,000 bitcoins in old wallet – I have researched and studied this subject extensively and this is what it means to me: Blah, blah, money sort of, blah, fake, blah rip off, geeks, blah, blah, blah, ruined, not safe, yada, yada, yada, future, not, nerd, blah, mine computer, blah, blah, blah!

 

*They say puns are the lowest form of humor, actually the lowest form of humor is really bad puns.

** http://www.newsmax.com/TheWire/rubbing-alcohol-scotch-dirty/2013/05/24/id/506295/

__________________________________

Last week’s fake headline was:

Man addicted to saliva tries to quit swallowing – He tried chewing spitorette gum, but that didn’t work.

Very few guessers, 4 people nailed it:

                         Marcia Shaw Wyatt said...

Man addicted to saliva. Wow! That's my pick this week. I love you headlines and comments on them. Thanks so much for sharing and I hope you have a great Sunday! :D

Visit Marcia @ http://blogitudes.com/ I am just getting acquainted so visit with me…jokes…thoughts…eclectic stuff.  

           Pixel Peeper said...

My guess is on the guy addicted to saliva.

You will find Pixel @ http://my-couch-corner.blogspot.com/ Nature photos and funny Dry Cleaner sayings (just go there, you’ll see.)  

 

                       Val said...

I'm drooling for the saliva addict to be the fake this week.

Visit Val @ http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/ She is always entertaining!

                       Life happens said...

I'm really hoping its the saliva one. I would say the conceived in bathroom one but let's face it that's pretty common. The spit one should be a real one. I know a few people that drool all the time. I wish they would swallow it or something. I have had many a spit bath while talking to them.

You can find Mylinda @ http://pmmkpl.blogspot.com/  (I may have misspelled her name, but she probably can’t see it anyway) just check out this amazing lady she always has a fun post.

 And come back next week for more

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY