FRATERNITY REUNION 2012
"SILENCE OF THE HAM"
This past
weekend, Mrs. Cranky and I went to Sky Top Lodge in the Pocono Mountains in
Pennsylvania. We were attending the 16th
annual Lafayette College Fraternity reunion, class of 1968. The members and their wives are a great
bunch, and it is always a good time."SILENCE OF THE HAM"
Part of the
good time is in the telling of old stories and in ragging on old friends. Everyone gets in on it, some more than
others. As a member who has few
accolades to brag on compared to an assortment of successful doctors, lawyers
and captains of business in our group, I am traditionally one of the sharpest
tongued (loudest) “raggers.”
I have
established a reputation for being somewhat humorous, and if my comments and
stories are not funny, then by golly I am damn sure to be loud and
obnoxious. My previous penchant for
overindulging spirits (Oh fuck, I’m a damn alcoholic and have to use restraint
in what and how much I imbibe) resulted in my having an especially sharp tongued,
loud and obnoxious repartee.
I entered this
weekend with a head cold which after 18 holes of golf on Saturday morning in
wet chilly conditions settled in my chest and resulted in an extreme case of
laryngitis.
Saturday
night is the main occasion for revelry.
There is a cocktail hour, dinner, speeches, and then dancing and general
merriment.
It did not
take long before my inability to speak above a whisper was apparent to all, and
I was set upon by merciless sixtygenarians (it’s a word now) like a deer with a
broken leg in a den of lions. I was
unable to respond to the relentless mocking, ribbing, made-up stories and a general
continuous “Bag-of-shit” I was assaulted with for most of the night.
What these
bullying compatriots failed to realize is, I have a blog and I am not afraid to
use it.
Here is the
wit, wisdom and hilarious retorts that I was unable to deliver due to my
infirmity:
To “Stan the
Man” - Oh yeah…so did you, and you were naked!
To “Squeak”
- I wouldn’t talk if I was you; I remember the parrot and the mouse incident.
To “Gawk” –
If you can't beat them, buy them and fire their asses!
To “JoeB” –
So I took a “Mulligan” on the 14th hole, I’m still calling it a par!
To Mrs. "JoeB" - I know a hump dance when I see it, and that was a hump dance.
To Mrs. "JoeB" - I know a hump dance when I see it, and that was a hump dance.
To Marty “Hurtika”
– You know that hardly ever happened and it is a kilt…not a skirt!
To “Frog” –
OK, so she had hairy legs; she had a good personality, she made her own clothes
and she was a damn good dancer.
To Mrs. "Frog" - Walker robber!
To Mrs. "Frog" - Walker robber!
To “Pieman” –
You’re a surgeon; is there such a thing as a tonguectomy?
To “Buddy” –
Dude, watch Ginger, I’m pretty sure she’s into me….I’m just saying.
To Mrs. "Buddy" - Are you picking my pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
To Mrs. "Buddy" - Are you picking my pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
To “Catfish”
- Fox squirrel hell, that thing had fangs!
To “Wally” –
If you had just stayed on your side of the room it would have never happened!
To Mrs.
Wally – OK so you guys are married 46 years, I still say it will never last.
To Tony and
Mrs. R. – Thanks for hosting; we had a really great time!
Mrs. Cranky showing her moves.
Come on, 46 years married? “Get a
room!”
Buddy…keep an eye on her!
Which College Trustee broke into the
hotel liquor cabinet?
Next year
the party is at the Jersey Shore with hosts “Gawk” and wife. It should be a good time. I expect great food, great company, and great
stories which seem to get more outrageous every year!
