STUPID HEADLINES 090912

STUPID HEADLINES 090912

It is that time again, time for Cranky’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

 

 

Bride stealing custom all the rage in Bucharest – Damn, I should have gotten married the first two times in Romania.

Two Fruits That Could Kill Cancer – Clay Aiken and Elton John? (Relax gays…it’s just a joke!)  

Why does Social Security need 174,000 bullets? – Maybe there are too many people on Social Security, but this is making me nervous.

Massachusetts judge approves taxpayer-funded sex change for inmate – This dude is a MURDERER! As a tax payer I am willing to pay for the removal portion of this operation only!

President Delivers Beer to Va. Firehouse – …“The most powerful man in the world is unable to delegate and delivers beer himself.  President is encouraging drinking on the job by those who are responsible for protecting citizens from fire.”…RNC

“President of the people shows his personal side and contributes his own specially made refreshing beverage to appreciative firefighting heroes.”…DNC

New York high court to decide whether a lap dance is tax-exempt art – I don’t know anything about art, but I know what I like when I see it!

High school basketball coach placed on leave for sex book – Why would a school give a coach time off to read a sex book?

Democrats brag about killing Osama bin Laden – So if you want to kill Bin Laden, then the President is your man…but isn’t he already dead?

New Jersey teacher voted best of 2011 accused of sexual assault involving 15-year-old student – Well we know how the students voted!

Texas man gets 99 years in repeated rape of 11-year-old girl – No…he is going to jail for 99 years BECAUSE he repeatedly raped an 11 year old.

Kerry: ‘Ask Osama bin Laden if he’s better off now’ than 4 years ago – “Dude…I swapped 18 wives for 72 virgins…what do you think?”

STOP OR I’LL SHOOT!

STOP OR I’LL SHOOT!

 Last week there was a case in NYC where police shot and killed a perpetrator who ran and then turned with a weapon.  This seems to be a fairly common occurrence these days. 

Apparently these days when an officer stops a criminal he yells “Police, please stop committing crime and threatening people or we will have to attempt to apprehend you!”

Now given this command, most law abiding citizens would not move and would allow the officer to question them.  Criminals apparently are not so easily apprehended.  That is kinda what makes them criminals.  Criminals need very specific instructions with very specific consequences for not following those instructions. 

The standard police command years ago was “Stop or I‘ll shoot!”  These instructions were specific and easy to follow…STOP!  The consequences were also clear and specific…If you do not stop, I will fire bullets at your body with the intent to kill you!

With these clear and specific instructions and clear consequences for the failure to obey, an officer’s job was much easier and less open to claims of police brutality.   Did the suspect have a knife or a gun?  Did the suspect threaten the officer?  Was the gun really just a water pistol?  Did he charge the policeman? 

It does not matter.

If the suspect does not stop, he will get shot…no questions asked.

Was this old fashioned police action cruel and harsh?  Not if you stopped what you were doing when you were told to stop what you were doing.  

Criminals today often run when the officer nicely requests that they stop committing a crime and surrender.  These chases are dangerous to the police and to civilians.  When officers simply yelled, “Stop or I’ll shoot” criminals dropped their weapons, put their hands up and surrendered.

How do I know this?  Just watch almost any old movies from the forties and fifties.  It worked every time.

Sometimes handling children works the same.  Children need clear specific instructions with clear specific consequences for not following the instructions. 

“Please stop throwing the ball against the house because you might break a window and that will make me sad” may not get a child to adjust his behavior.

“Stop! Or you will never see that ball again” is generally more effective.

Clear instructions with clear consequences for failure to obey the instructions followed by immediate implementation of the consequences when clear instructions are not obeyed results in respect and obedience. 

HOW TO RESPOND TO THE UNIDIGIT SALUTE - a Cranky re-run

HOW TO RESPOND TO THE UNIDIGIT SALUTE

I am not an expert on many things.  As I think of it I am not an expert on anything, except I have mastered the correct response to the universal sign for “FUCK YOU!”  Yes, the finger.  How do you respond when someone gives you the finger?  I have a proven effective response to the road rage single digit salute.

Yesterday, Mrs. Cranky and I were returning from a movie (“The Help”, highly recommended.)  The exit from this theater is directly onto Rt. 1.  This is a crowded road in Central New Jersey.  It is not Rt. 2078, it is ROUTE ONE!  Exiting this theatre and entering Rt. 1 can be dicey.  A wimp could be stuck forever and never get home.  Mrs. Cranky, as mild mannered as they come, is no wimp behind the wheel.

Mrs. C saw an opening and took it.  Apparently the blue Camry she jumped out in front of did not like her maneuver.  The car behind us did not have to brake.  The driver maybe had to take their foot off the gas.  I know I have taken my foot of the gas thousands of times to let someone get on the road.  Hell I have even tapped the brake occasionally.  It has never upset me to do that. 

It upset the Lady in the blue Camry.

The lady in the blue Camry leaned on the horn several times to show her displeasure.  Unapologetic, we pulled off the Rt. 1 exit to enter Rt. 18 south.  The blue Camry pulled off, apparently heading for Rt. 18 north.  She honked again, and as she was pulling alongside Mrs. C said, “She’s going to give us the finger!”

“Give her two quick friendly type beeps.” I said, and Mrs. Cranky complied.  As the blue Camry was giving me the finger, Mrs. C beeped friendly like, and I smiled and waved enthusiastically as if I thought I knew the driver.

There is a certain satisfaction involved in flipping the road rage bird.  The satisfaction in knowing you just told someone else that they were   reckless and stupid.  There is satisfaction in telling someone off by signing, and they have no opportunity to respond.  By smiling, beeping and waving, the blue Camry was robbed of this satisfaction.  The blue Camry thought we thought we knew her and that her honking was to get our attention.

When we parted our ways, the blue Camry swerved and almost hit the exit curb.  I am guessing the driver was pissed that we did not get upset and fire the finger back.  I am guessing the driver was pissed that we did not even acknowledge her dissatisfaction.  She was pissed that we did not acknowledge that she just flipped us the bird. 

We laughed our asses off.

If you happen to stumble across this blog, lady in the blue Camry; we saw your salute and we laughed at you.  Now go fuck yourself!  ASSHOLE!!