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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

FISHING WITH FROG II - part 2

FISHING WITH FROG II
Part 2
We fished all day on Thursday and Friday.  By all day, I mean from 9am to 9pm.  There were hours of hiking through brush and trees to a stream and sloshing through streams over slippery boulders and against rushing water.  There were hours of the pure frustration which only fly fishing can deliver.
Catching a fish on a fly is incredibly difficult.  A fly is an insect copy made with feathers, fur, and hair of other animals tied on a tiny hook by thread. The fly is fastened to a fishing leader which is as fine as a spider web. This task alone is nearly impossible for sixty-five year old eyes and slightly arthritic meat hook hands.
On Thursday we fished the Savage and the Casselman Rivers.  I caught only a sore back and an aching hip.  I did have a five inch trout spit out my foam-ant lure.  The adrenaline from this near hook-up kept me fishing for several hours, but was the only real excitement I would have on this day.  Fishing was slow for everyone, but Frog did catch four trout, and Catfish caught ten. 
Marty caught his first trout on a dry fly, a ten inch rainbow.  You would have thought Marty had caught a three hundred pound tuna on ten pound test line.  He could not stop talking about how he found the perfect spot, changed his fly to a “little green thingy”, and expertly hooked and landed this giant!  The thrill of your first fish on a dry-fly has this effect on everyone.  
Friday took us to the Youghiogheny River.  Catfish, Marty and Al fished downstream.  Frog and I worked our way upstream.  I found a small pool to fish. 
Standing/ balancing on slippery boulders, I tied on a fly.  It took ten minutes to thread the line through the eye of the hook.  I then wrapped the line around and around itself, and pushed the end through the loop by the hook.  I then pulled the loop tight, firmly attaching the fly to my leader.  This activity took me at least twenty minutes.  I then clipped the excess line from the knot.
SHIT!! I clipped the line from the fly and not the excess. SHITTY SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!  
Twenty minutes later I finished retying the fly to the leader and this time clipped the excess correctly.  Armed for fish I made my first cast.  The result was a tangled bird’s nest slapping the water and scaring away anything underneath. 
After twenty minutes, the birds nest was unraveled and I was ready to fish again.  The next cast was successful, but on my retrieval I found a pound of moss stuck to my fly.  After ten minutes I cleared the fly of the moss and I was finally making my third cast. 
“Fish on! Fish on!” Five inches of a feisty rainbow trout (well it fought like a rainbow) was hooked, and then it was off.  With adrenaline oozing out of my pores I cast again.  “Fish on!  Fish on!”  It was another five inch rainbow.  This time I hauled the trout in and made a sweet release of a beautiful five inch brown trout.  (It fought like a rainbow.) 
Two more casts, and I had another hook up.  This one got away just before I could reach it, but I was on the fish.  I finally had the right fly, the right stream, the right pool and I was hooking fish.  As I was about to cast again, the noise of the stream changed.  Something was different.  The stream looked different.  It felt different.  The current was stronger.
“The water is rising.”  Frog hollered.  Damn, it was rising, and it was rising fast.  Without warning, the powers that be had released water from the dam above.  Frog and I had to wade with great haste over slippery rocks, against a fast current and rising water.  We arrived at the shore line tired and dry, but fishing was over for the day on this river. 
This is how hard and frustrating fly fishing can be.  Hours of travel to a stream, hours fumbling to attach a fly to your line, finally finding the right spot, the right cast and presentation; finally actually hooking fish, and someone opens up the damn dam.  Damn!!
L to R  Crankyoldman  Marty, Frog, AL

Frog, Catfish, Crankyoldman, Marty
Part 3 on Friday

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Monday, June 6, 2011

FISHING WITH FROG II - Part 1 of 3

FISHING WITH FROG II
Part 1
I decided to join Frog and Catfish on this year’s annual fly fishing trip to Western Maryland.  If you read my blog on “Fishing with Frog” you know why I had trepidations about this trip.  It turns out my fears of a tortuous excursion were well founded.  As difficult as the trip was, the rewards were greater than my expectations.  Netting it all out, my participation in next year’s trip is again in doubt.
This year we were joined by another old fraternity friend, Marty to most, Fruitboots to his special education students, Mr. Kurtyka to neighborhood six year olds.  Marty is relatively new to fly fishing, but is a serious hunter-outdoorsman.
Also joining the group was Al Guy, the previously unseen benefactor of the cabin on the lake where we have stayed for free these many years.  Al is an artist by profession, but he is equally passionate about hunting and fishing.
Marty, Catfish and I all met up at Frog’s house in central Maryland Wednesday evening.  We feasted on medallions of freshly shot venison which got us in the hunter/fisherman mode, and then piled into Marty’s minivan and headed for the streams of Western Maryland.  We would meet up with Al at the cabin the next night.
Traveling with outdoorsmen is very interesting.  There is something in their genes which causes them to gravitate to maps.  Frog, Catfish and Marty analyzed the map at every turn.  We had a Garmin GPS with us, but Miss Garmin was not to be trusted, and her “turn left one hundred yards” instructions were often ignored.  “Recalculating” was a common Miss Garmin exclamation.
Keep in mind, Frog and Catfish have made this same trip every year for the past ten years; still they needed the map and fought over which route would be the fastest. 
Frog would start the discussion.  “We should take 68 west, and turn off at Chicken Lick Road, hook a left at Old Gut Rot Drive, cross over Wadenobbi Gulch and then catch 68 west again to 219 south.”
Catfish was not so sure.  “Chicken Lick Road might be a bit rough given all the rain we’ve had this year.  I think we could take Gullivers Trail to Hog Nuts Pike, and then turn right at Wadenobbi Gulch to 68 west.
Marty studied the map for about ten minutes and then said “I know where we are; where are we going?”
During all this, we passed Chicken Lick Road and Gullivers Trail.  After about ten minutes of deliberating it was decided that rather then turning back to either Chicken Lick or Gullivers, we should just stay on 68 west to 219 south.  “Chicken Lick would have been faster though” Frog had to say.  “I’m not so sure” said Catfish.  “Where are we going?” Marty wanted to know.   
This went on all the way to the cabin at Deep Creek.  It happened every morning going to Little Sandy’s Diner for breakfast, to Uno’s every night for dinner, to every stream we fished, and to the trip back to Frog’s house when the fishing was done.
Another trait of the outdoorsman is their need to point out every sign of any wild life, and then turn it into a story.
“Look a chipmunk!” Frog would point out.  “I was hunting big horn sheep in Montana once, and just as I was about to bag a three hundred pound male a chipmunk ran up my leg and dropped an acorn on my sights.  I missed the big horn.  I did however, bash that freaking chipmunk with my gun barrel.”  Catfish had to point out that chipmunks were eatable, but not too tasty and only good for a bite or two.  Marty disagreed.  “You know, if you skin them, marinate them in milk for a day, season them well with salt and pepper, shove a garlic clove up its ass, and cook them slowly over a low flame for two hours they make a nice snack.”
Before the trip was over, I learned different ways to prepare chipmunk, groundhog, blue fish, rabbit, moose, pickerel etc.  
I prefer to think that anything I eat was developed and prepared in a sanitary laboratory.
Part 2 on Wednesday, Part 3 on Friday

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Saturday, June 4, 2011

CRANKY MAY TWEETS

MAY TWEETS
STUFF
Why can't governments mandate universal connections to charge cell phones and other devices?
With DNA tests and other forensics, these days it is murder getting away with murder!

OSAMA ASSASINATED

I watched the towers fall with several friends inside, for them, F U Osama, burn baby burn!!!

Osama, you are a hard worker, you kill real good, but Osama...your fired!!     (The announcement preempted “The Apprentice”.)

You say Usoma, I say Osama, let's just be glad that he's offed!

A day without wine is like a day without sunshine.  A day without Osama is a good fucking day!

Ecology groups worldwide protest President Obama for polluting the North Arabic Sea!

Qadaffi, Gadaffi, Osama, Usama come on now how freaking hard is it to decide how to spell a name.

BEER

Who buys beer cause it is low calorie?  If u want to get high and lose weight, smoke crack!

Happy Corona day, I mean Cinco de Mayo!  Tomorrow is Sixo de Mayo or hangover day, or is it “Lime” disease?

RETIREMENT
Being retired is like staying home with the flu...only without the flu!!
TGIF...wait, I’m retired, what the hell is the difference?

Opra retires. I told ya she wouldn't last!
I almost did something today, but I'm retired so I decided screw it!
MORE STUFF

The only thing I have successfully glued together with superglue is my thumb to my forefinger!

I hate the balding dude who judges Top Chef Masters.

Democracy is a political system where the people get to decide who screws them.....I choose Sarah Palin!

SHOTGUN WEDDINGS

I went to a shotgun wedding, it was a mixed marriage, the bride was 12 gauge the groom was a 20.

If Marge Schott had married Peter Gunn, it would have been a Schott-Gunn Wedding!

MY EX-WIFE JUST MIGHT HAVE PISSED ME OFF THIS DAY

Note to ex-wives of the world, smiling while you screw people over is not "being cordial"!  IT IS BEING A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE FN BITCH!

I hate my first wife; if she weren't such a shit I would never have met my second wife.

Just because you smile as you shove a baseball bat up some ones ass do not think you are being cordial!

I call my second wife #2 because....well, #2 just seems to fit!!
Divorce was invented because "till death do us part" was just too harsh!!
I couldn't find an exorcist, so I got a divorce instead!
EVEN MORE STUFF
In my bucket list is to jump in a NYC cab and yell "follow that car!"
Happy Mother’s Day everyone! Why don't fathers get more respect? Every one of them is a Mother F*cker!
MY LAME ATTEMPT TO PROMOTE A SÉANCE BLOG
I got in a fight during a séance; actually it was just a spirited discussion.  
The latest thing is a dinner theater séance, dinner is expensive, but the spirits are free!
My eye doctor suggested contacts so i went to a séance.

I went to a séance it was ok, I think the medium was just average.
TV GENDER BENDING
Big night, DWTS then Bachelorette. Then went to the BR, pulled down my panties, sat down and peed!
Watching the Bachelorette; from the closet!
My wife has me watching “Sex in the City” and “Say Yes to the Dress”, Wait, let me check...pheew, it's still there!
EVEN MORE MORE STUFF
I went to a fair today.  I saw lots of kids who clearly only have 3 sets of great grandparents!
I wanted to be a poet, but all the really good rhymes were taken!
I lost my wallet in a haystack, but I did find a fu*king needle!

I demand they fire the dude at Kleenex that loaded my tissues upside down!!
A liberal is a person with an open heart and a closed mind.   
Some people look smart but are as dumb as a stump.  People that look dumb seldom disappoint.
RAPTURE
Did the world end? I was napping!
Where is the Rapture? Did I repent for nothing?
"Rapture? No I said raptor. You didn't see that big hawk at 6:00?" Harold Camping.
The world will end next week...or in 20011, depends on the decimal. But it will be on a Wednesday.
MORE EVEN MORE MORE STUFF
 Some people say driving and tweeting is dangerous. I disagree beca…..
What’s your favorite superpower? 90% of men answered x-ray vision. Why??
New diet says cut 100 cal a day lose 1lb a month. The average person probably should not do this for over 8 yrs!
Addition by subtraction- If you have shit u wouldn't pay 25 cents for at a garage sale, FN throw it away!
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