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Friday, September 11, 2020

Package Rage


Package Rage

 Did they ever catch the son of a bitch that poisoned Tylenol bottles a zillion years ago?  That prick belongs just below Hitler, Pol Pot, Jack the Ripper, and Barney the annoying Sesame Street Dinosaur in the list of world villains!

Maybe he didn’t murder millions of people, he did not force a neighborhood to live in fear, and he did not make billions of parents want to blow their “I love You” brains out, but he did create “Package Rage.”

Before this asshat made us distrust the safety of all packages, the only problem the world had with packages was removing the cotton from an aspirin bottle.  After this despicable turd tried to kill people so he could sue J and J or whatever his reason was, nothing package opening related is safe.

The other day I needed something for a headache.  I had a choice of Aspirin or Tylenol.  I chose aspirin, I still don’t trust Tylenol.

All pill bottles are now covered with a plastic that can only be removed with the business end of a steak knife.  Fingernails will not work, they break before the plastic.  A fork will not do, it does not get under the plastic at the correct angle.  Teeth?  Forget about it, rock break scissors, plastic pill bottle protectors crack teeth.

Once getting by the plastic barrier, one has to figure out the child protector code.  Oh sure, it is written on the bottle.  It is written in print that only a child can see.  Most of the child proof bottles require manual dexterity and un-arthritic fingers to follow the unreadable directions.  In short, only a child can figure out how to open a childproof bottle.

Once I get my neighborhood six year old to open the bottle for me, I now have to tackle that friggin cotton ball blocking the pills I need.  

“Kare!  Do we have a tweezer so I can get this damn cotton out of the bottle?”

“Just bought a new one, it is in the medicine drawer.”

Great, the tweezers are wrapped in that damn plastic even thicker than the bottle plastic.  Of course I cut myself with the steak knife trying to open the tweezer protecting plastic. 

I need a Band-Aid. 

Ever try and open a Band-Aid box with a bleeding thumb? 

Then the Band-Aids themselves are covered in a wax paper that requires teeth, I’m not trusting the steak knife again.

Finally, with a bandaged bleeding thumb and a chipped tooth I am able to get at the aspirin I wanted for my headache. 

Wait!  Aspirin is not good if you are bleeding, maybe I should use Tylenol instead.

Screw it, I still don’t trust that stuff, I’ll just suffer the headache.

If they caught that Tylenol bastard, I hope they locked him up and threw away the key…Or even better, gave him the key wrapped tight in sealed plastic!




  1. Barney had his own show.
    He wasn’t a SesMe Street character... thank God

  2. I opened my latest bottle of iron tablets by hitting it with a hammer then fishing the capsules out of the smashed glass into the old bottle. Next time I buy some I'll have the assistants at the shop open it.

  3. Omg. JUST had this happen today. I ordered something off of Etsy. First I had to break thru the shipping box which I'm pretty sure had an entire roll of packing tape around it. Then I get inside, tissue, tissue, tissue, a little thank you card and two more small taped up boxes! Finally get thru those boxes and each item was bubble wrapped then wrapped in tissue paper and THEN more tape! - Store bought stuff is why I have scissors in every room and yeah, you almost have to travel back in time to find a safe crack guy to come n' get the flipping aspirin out! - Hahahaha. Long story short. I feel your pain.

  4. I can so relate. More than awful and I had to laugh at all you did to get the bottle open. I've been there and done that so many times. Most things are over wrapped anymore. The older we get the tougher it is to get the wrapping off.

    Have a fabulous day, Joe. 😎

  5. I think they did catch the Tylenol person if I remember correctly. I know; its terrible with packaging. Its worse with the mail people send in to the unemployment office. Stapled 5 times, taped to the envelope and then the envelope taped in its entirety. Stop the madness!


  6. Oh I feel your pain. If it weren't for box cutters, I would probably not eat much. I find they do a pretty good job with those hermetically sealed packages. I find it almost amusing that one of the hardest things to open is Ensure which is an old or sick person's drink. What were they thinking?

  7. One of the kids that died from that tainted Tylenol was a classmate of my youngest brother. . .

    They did catch the asshole; I hope he's sharing a cell with rats, 50 feet underground. . .

    And yeah, don't blame Barney on Sesame Street. . . ;)

    1. I stand corrected, you and Skip are correct, Sesame Street was (is) it's own kind of Hell for anyone with tots, but not on the same level as Barney.

  8. EVERY time I open something these days I curse that bastard and Tylenol. EVERY time.

  9. The doctor said I was weak and gave me a bottle of vitamins. When I got home I did not have the strength to open the bottle. I had to drive back to the doctor's and ask him to open it for me.

    God bless.

  10. I just bought a new scissors to open plastic coated stuff! It looks like it might work but it's in a plastic container that I had to get another pair of scissors out to try and get those scissors out..well, you get the picture! Anytime I try and open packages I always say: "Who in the h#%% are they trying to keep out?" I so feel your pain! I have just gone through getting my Medicare crap all done and one of the things the guy from India asked me was if I wanted my prescriptions in childproof lids or nonchildproof. Wow. I only take one thing but I'll take it without childproofing. I like to live on the edge of danger.

  11. This just happened to me a couple of hours ago. I bought something that were in that plastic wrapping over cardboard. I tried using scissors - almost cut myself - I passed it on to my husband -I heard him grumbling as I was walking out. He ended up having to go out to the shed to get a freakin tool to get it open. I thought he was going for the circular saw!

  12. I think most of the plastic packaging on things like batteries, toys, etc. that’s the most frustrating is due to shoplifters.

  13. You are speaking my language.

    If you buy your OTCs at a pharmacy where they are friendly and know you and have the time, you might ask if they would sell you the bottle, then have them open it, pour the pills into one of the Rx bottles without the childproof cap, and label it for you. Once you have such a labeled bottle for each OTC, just bring the empty back with you when you buy another, and let them open it and you dump the new pills in.

  14. Even before I got old, I cursed the geniuses who designed security packaging. I'm sure you are old enough to remember the days of MUSIC CDs that came in those plastic rectangular doodads to discourage theft. I cut my thumb trying to open Fleetwood Mac's "Tango in the Night" while sitting in my Nissan Sentra on the parking lot of Battlefield Mall in Springfield, MO.

    By "cut," I mean I sliced it to the bone, that little round bone at the base of my left thumb. Gotta say, I was kind of fascinated to see the layers of skin, fat, and the smooth, smooth bright white cartilage before the blood poured out. Turns out my anatomy textbooks were quite accurate in their descriptions.

    I still didn't get my CD out of the packaging! Not even with that bright orange boxcutter I carried in the car as a tool of my job working at an insurance salvage store.

  15. there is hardly any day when i don't yell over those who make the packing as secure as it has fragile thing inside ,it is so annoying to feel helpless while opening mere pack of bar or cookies or chips ,i pick up scissor eventually