A Brand New Car!!

 A Brand New Car!!

It is Christmas Time, I know by all the commercials I see of Brand New Cars in the driveway with giant ribbons on them; presents for the dutiful wife.

Oh, she is so surprised, so happy.  All the neighbor wives are jealous and all the neighbor husbands will be sleeping on the couch.  What a great generous present.

Really?

Mrs. C just watched this year’s first Brand New Car commercial and informed me that if I ever surprised her with a Brand New Car with a ribbon out in the driveway she would, in the words of my Grandma Gus “Crown Me.”  Why?

“First of all, if we need and can afford a Brand New Car, I want to be part of picking it out, the make, style, color and accessories…NOT YOU!

Secondly, the Brand New Car (or brand new used car) Christmas present is the grown-up version of socks.  You’re going to need them anyway, might as well make it Christmas present."

Think about it, the Brand New Car Christmas present is only for people that are so rich that it is no big deal, or for people that absolutely need a Brand New Car and go into hock for it.  Might as well throw a ribbon on it and call it a present.  Most women I know would think you are a cheapskate who simply dodged getting an actual Christmas present for their wife.

All of this brings me to a famous family story which is told in one of my books that you will never read and in fact I discourage anyone from reading. 

“The Christmas MG.”

It was 1955.  My father always drooled over the classic MG TF sports car.  However, with three children not yet in high school the classic MG TF sports car would be completely impractical, and the expense as a second car was out of the question.  Still a man can dream, and my pop clearly dreamed of motoring to work in a top down classic MG TF sports car.

On Christmas that year, any presents for my dad were hidden away.  He watched contentedly as his wife and three boys joyfully tore through their presents.  When all was done he asked,

“Isn’t there a present for your dear old dad?”

“Oh, yes there is, we saved it for last.  It is in the garage.”

Dad grew noticeably excited and you could see running through his head,

“Is it possible?  But we can’t afford this.  I mean I want it, but it is not practical and how will we pay for it?  Maybe they’ve been saving their allowance and grocery money for a few years.”

So, dad went to the garage still too stunned to think logically and he had the belief that just maybe, somehow, there would be a Brand New MG TF sports car in the garage.

And there was. 

In the middle of the empty garage was an 8-inch model of the very MG TF classic sports car my father so coveted.  My brother yelled out,

“Oh no, it shrunk!  I knew we should have had it Sandforized (giyp)!”

Oh yes, we all had a good laugh at dear old dad’s expense, and he took it well.  He smiled, claimed “You almost got me” and then went back inside to open his real presents which were hidden in a closet.

Yes, he took it well, but he never again got the same gleam in his eye when he saw an MG TF sports car.  It was a great gag, but he not only lost a car, he lost a dream. 

I don't know what happened to the toy model...I never saw it again.

Sorry Dad…it was Jim and Chris’ idea.

Years later when I turned 18, I spent $200 and dad threw in another $600 so I could own a used 1958 MGA sports car.  I think dad lived part of his dream through that car.

My Dad and a young Cranky

A Christmas re-run!

TEST, TEST, TEST

 

TEST, TEST, TEST

 

Just as we thought this thing might go away it is back with a vengeance.  Well, it is contagious as Hell (is Hell contagious? I hope not).  There is some hope that it is less virulent, and apparently not too dangerous if you are vaccinated and or have some immunity from previous infection.  We won't know that for a few weeks.

Anyway, what is the governments solution?

Test, Test, Test! 

At least they are not calling for contact tracing.  I’m pretty sure that if contact tracing was remotely feasible, then 98% of the country would have to go into 14-day quarantine.  I think that ship, which might be effective with other contagions, has sailed with this one.  (No, I am not a doctor but I have been watching a lot of “ER” reruns lately.)

So, Test, Test, Test. 

If you live in NYC and you want to visit friends or family this Christmas you are recommended to test first so you do not infect others.

There are lines around the block in NYC and other places to get a Covid test.  Let me analyze this as an uneducated blockhead who had to cheat to pass Biology 1 in college.

There is a virus that has almost no early symptoms that is, according to pundits, “a tsunami” of infection.  We have learned that the old Delta was reasonably safe outdoors.  This new variant maybe not so much. We won't know for a few weeks.  

So…in order to be safe we now need a test where you line up nose to nose with hundreds of people waiting to get tested because they think they may have a virus that is extremely contagious!

Test, Test, Test? 

That sounds like a 24/7 super-spreader event to me.

New Yorkers Standing in line:

“Yo, how you doin?”

“Not too bad…ah-chew! Probably just a little cold, or maybe a deadly virus, one or the other, that’s why I’m standing in line with all these other maybe infected people to find out.  How about you.”

“Me…I’m good, I’m just waiting to get tested to be sure I don’t have anything so I won’t give it to others.”

“So, you’re standing in line with potentially infectious people to see if you are infected so you can visit with other people who may or may not be infected so you don’t infect them if you are infected?”

“Yeah.”

“You know that you won’t get the results for at least two days, and if you got infected standing in this line with potentially infected people it won’t show in your test results from today.”

“So, then even if I test negative, I won’t really know for sure, and I might actually get infected without knowing because I stood in this line with hundreds of possibly infected people?”

“That’s how I (cough cough) see it.”

“So, after I test today, I should test again tomorrow to make sure I did not get infected today by standing in line with hundreds of possibly infected people?”

“Yes, if you want to be safe. But of course, you still won’t know because you might get infected waiting in that line.”

“The heck with that, I’m going home.”

“Well, you’d better quarantine yourself for 14 days just to be safe.”

Test, Test, Test… the new government mantra.  

Makes sense to me!

 

 

  

 

Light Rewards

 

Light Rewards

Our little community of around 170 townhome units has a Christmas Light decoration contest every year, or at least for the past two years.

Mrs. C who does not know to take two steps back when volunteers are asked for, has been one of the judges both years. 

Judging is difficult, most people do not go too overboard in decorating, and it is of course very subjective.  Some units have very little front to decorate, others much more.  Do you reward those with more property to decorate?  Some people use those projector things to cover their home with twinkling lights.  They take about two seconds to set up, do you take away for lack of effort? 

It is not always easy to judge fairly.

In the end, who really gives a dang?  The winners get a five dollar gift card to Walmart and a tiny bit of recognition.  Not particularly important.

The lady that runs the contest, a very nice lady who puts in quite a bit of effort in the process, is a big believer in fairness.

Mrs. C was just informed that this years second place winner would not get recognized because that home won first place last year.  The top judge believes in giving recognition to others.  So instead of coming in second, that home is fourth and gets no Walmart gift card.  The number four home moves up to third.  No one will actually know this except the judges and, like I said, the process is very (that’s super in young people talk) subjective, so what is the difference?

Well there is no difference except, to me, this is a microcosm of our world of fairness and inclusiveness today. 

The best player on a kids soccer team only gets one MVP of the game every year.  Spread the accolades around…it’s a self-esteem thing don’t you know.

Bad scores on a test? Scale them up so everyone passes.  A bad grade will keep you out of college and ruin your life forever.  It is better to pass than learn math.

Finish last in a race? Your participation trophy is made out of the same plastic and the same size as the winners.  Everyone is happy…right?

Well the kids know who scored all the goals game in and game out, they know the real MVP.  They do learn that being the best is not that important. 

The kids know their math sucks, they assume math is meaningless.

Everyone knows who finished first, they also learn that striving to be the best has no extra reward, in fact those who are born with special skills or ability should probably slow down a bit to let everyone have a chance.

It is only a stupid Christmas Light contest.  Just a few people give a fig about the results.  I wonder though, if everyone knew that part of winning was to have not won before, would the decorating effort diminish as the years go on.  Would Christmas in the neighborhood eventually be celebrated with changing porch lights from white to red or green?

Probably not, and who cares anyway? Just cranky old men who fear the only way for everything to be fair is if everyone gets nothing…except maybe those that get to decide what is fair.

May your days be happy and bright, (but no happier or brighter than your neighbors), and may all you Christmas’s be equally white.