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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

GAMES PEOPLE PLAYED


GAMES PEOPLE PLAYED
I think it is great that some people still play board games.  Computers and apps and stuff have made most of those old popular games obsolete. 

I remember playing some board games even before Parker Brothers and Milton Bradley “Invented them.”

I understand people paying money for Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders, Clue, Sorry and a whole bunch of games, but there are some games that only need paper, pen, and dice to replicate.

It drives me crazy when I go through the game section of a toy store and see people paying good money for “Hangman,” “Battleship,” and “Yatzee.”  Hell, I’m surprised Parker Brothers didn’t put out an expensive version of Tic Tac Toe!

Or did they?

Hangman –


We played this for years without any fancy store bought board.  A paper, a pencil, you draw a hangmen’s noose, add spaces below the noose, give a clue and play.  What are people paying Parker Brothers for?  The rules…like they’re so complicated.

Battleship –


Milton Bradley supplies the different size ships, a board with zones, pegs, and something to separate both playing grids.  We used graph paper, penciled in our ships, and simply x’ed out every called grid block.  If a ship was hit then you said, “You hit my battleship.”  Kinda like the MB version.  Any large box cover served to separate the two sheets of graph paper.

Yahtzee –


I was taught this game by my Grandma’s friend my Aunt Betts long before it was sold on the shelf of “Toy’s R Us.”  Apparently it was a game invented by boating enthusiasts to pass the nights at sea away; hence the name “Yaghtsy” or Yatzee.  All you need for this game are dice (5), a piece of paper and a pencil to record the scoring possibilities with the dice…pair, two pair, three of a kind, full house, straight, four of a kind and Yatzee or five of a kind.

We played all of these games with materials we had at hand.  We did not need Parker Brothers.

I wonder if anyone has patented:

“Hide and go seek.”  I could package the rules with a blindfold, a clock to count to 100 and a home base.

“Tag.” Sell the rules along with a vest to be worn by “It.”

“Kick the can.” A package would include rules, a piece of chalk to draw a circle, a can, and a rock, scissor and a piece of paper to decide who is “It.”

Then there is always “Blind man’s bluff,” “Hopscotch,” “Hot potato,” “I spy,” “Keep away,” “Running bases”…the possibilities are endless.

Too bad technology has made most of these good old games obsolete.    

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

STUPID FACEBOOK “WHO ARE YOU” QUIZZES


STUPID FACEBOOK “WHO ARE YOU” QUIZZES
Every day I see on Facebook people taking a quiz to determine which famous world leader they would be, or what occupation they should have, or who are they as smart as, or what animal they would be, or…well you know the quiz.  I don’t know how, but I am certain someone is making money off these stupid quizzes.  I never take them because I am afraid I would fail.

But I have no qualms about posting my own stupid quiz:


WHICH FAMOUS BRAIN-DEAD, NUMBNUTZ, JERK-WEED FOOL ARE YOU?


1.    A photographer is stalking you, you:


a.     Smile

b.    Dance like a fool

c.     Throw eggs at the camera

d.    Take off your clothes and make a porn movie

e.     Drink a fifth of scotch


2.    You are in a fender bender car accident and the other driver screams and makes a big scene, you:


a.     Assume full responsibility

b.    Make a lame excuse

c.     Throw eggs at the other driver

d.    Take off your clothes and make a porn movie

e.     Drink a fifth of scotch


3.    You are in a movie theater and another patron is making noise and playing with their cell phone, you:

                                                                

a.     Ask what he is watching on the cell phone

b.    Ask what is a cell phone
 
c.     Throw eggs at him

d.    Ask him to use the cell phone to video you taking off your clothes and make a porn movie

e.     Drink a fifth of scotch


4.    A police officer stops you for J-walking, you:


a.     Claim you are color blind and thought red was green

b.    Say that is how you always walk

c.     Throw eggs at the cop

d.    Take off your clothes and make a porn movie

e.     Offer the officer a slug from your scotch bottle


5.    You find a twenty dollar bill in the street, you:


a.     Pick it up and leave a thank you note

b.    Leave a note saying your twenty dollar bill is under this note

c.     Use the bill to blow your nose…and then throw eggs at it

d.    Pick up the bill and leave a DVD of your porn movie

e.     Drink a fifth of scotch
 
 
THE EVALUATION

If you even took this test, you are Jughead

If you took this test seriously, you are Gilligan

If you are too good to take the test even as a joke, you are Justin Bieber

If you took the test in the nude, you are Paris Hilton
If you took the test and then drank a fifth of scotch, you are David Hasselhoff

Who are you?

Monday, July 28, 2014

NOW THAT’S CLASS - a cranky re-run

NOW THAT’S CLASS
This cranky re-run is from July 2011.  It has only had 21 visits.  I like it so I'm giving it another shot...That's what re-runs are for.


People are often said to have real “class.”  Usually this is attributed to someone who dresses very well, speaks well, and treats others with respect.  Sometimes “class” is put-on or phony.  Sometimes “class” just comes naturally.
My grandfather ran a successful business in Philadelphia.  He earned a good living which allowed him to retire while his sons (my uncles, not my Dad) ran the business.  Grandma and Grandpa spent the spring and the fall in a nice apartment in the Philadelphia suburbs.  In the summer they had a house on the Jersey Shore.  In the winter, after Christmas, they fled to a small house on one of the many canals in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

At the Fort Lauderdale house Grandpa owned an 18 foot fishing boat which he kept at his dock on the canal.  Clearly Grandpa was a relatively wealthy man; deservedly so, as he worked hard his whole life, running a family business from the age of 15.


I say relatively wealthy, as in the Fort Lauderdale area in the nineteen sixties, some of the residents were unbelievably wealthy. 


One day returning from a fishing trip, Grandpa pulled into the local marina to refuel his yacht.  He had a tight fit to the fuel pump between two real yachts.  An old man on one of the real yachts, a 75 footer with a tender on the deck which put Grandpa’s fishing skiff to shame, stopped polishing the ship’s hardware to help Grandpa dock his boat.  The old guy had a three day beard, wore a torn tee shirt, raggedy shorts and a beat-up St Louis Cardinal Baseball cap. 


“Throw me the line; it’s a bit of a tight fit here.”  The old deck hand called out.  Grandpa complied, and the old dude helped pull in his boat  and tie him securely to the dock.


Grandpa hopped off his boat and while the marina attendant went about filling his tank, Grandpa went over to the deck hand who was now back to polishing hardware on the 75 foot yacht. 


“Thanks for your help.”  Grandpa called out, and he flipped a fifty cent piece to the deck hand.


“You’re welcome, and thank you very much sir.”  The deck hand replied, obviously pleased with the fifty cent tip which he snatched out of the air. 


Grandpa returned to his boat and paid the attendant for his fill up.  “How much did you tip the old guy?”  The attendant asked. 


“Oh, I gave him fifty cents.  It was real nice of him to stop his job to give me a hand, and I’m not so sure his boss would like it if he knew he was taking time off his work to help me.”


“It was nice of him, but he don’t have to worry none about upsetting the boss.  That there’s Mr. Owens.  He is the owner!”


The old “deck hand” owner graciously accepted and thanked Grandpa for his tip.  He said nothing about being the owner. He did not want to make Grandpa feel silly and spoil his big tipper, big shot moment.


Now that’s CLASS!