GARAGE-WALL BALL

GARAGE-WALL BALL

It is the start of baseball season and as usual my thoughts go back to my youth.  Baseball is a great game, but playing it takes lots of space.  It also takes lots of players.

Children find ways to conquer this problem by inventing different forms of the game.  In the city, kids played stoop ball.  The “batter” would throw a tennis ball against the step of their stoop and the fielders, usually only an infielder (before the street) and an outfielder (in the street), would have to catch the ball as it bounced back off the step.

If the infielder fielded it cleanly it was an out.  If the outfielder caught it on the fly it was an out.  If the batter caught the point of the step just right, the ball had a chance to sail over the street for a home run.

Another form of city baseball was punch ball.  In this game the batter punched a spaldeen, an orange rubber ball which was pretty much the insides of a tennis ball, with his fist.  The ball could be punched pretty far by a good batter, but the game did not take up nearly the field size of a game of stickball.  Stickball was played with a spaldeen and an old broom stick.  We never did play stickball in my suburban Long Island neighborhood.

The game we did invent BWB (before whiffle ball) was one that was totally unique.  I have never met anyone who played even a variation of “Garage-Wall Ball.’

We played in Danny Tully’s back yard.  The Tully’s had a garage made of brick.  In the backyard, a concrete walk ran five feet in front of the rear garage wall.  The pitcher bounced a spaldeen onto the walk, off the garage wall and back towards the batter who was facing the wall, his back to the pitcher.  The batter then hit the ball against the garage wall to ricochet back towards the field.  If the ball went past the pitcher on the ground it was a hit.  If it reached the swing set it was a triple; over the swing set was a homerun.  There were no doubles; we only had first, third, and home bases.  With the garage wall absorbing most of the batter’s power we were able to play on a field no more than sixty feet deep and still be able to take a full swing.

We played “Garage-Wall Ball” for maybe ½ a summer; then we discovered Whiffle Ball.   Whiffle ball was the end of a great game.  A great and unique invention was made extinct before the world ever discovered it.  “Garage-Wall Ball” was an early victim of technology.

THE GREAT EASTER EGG THEFT OF 2012

THE GREAT EASTER EGG THEFT OF 2012

This year there have been two community Easter Egg Hunts called off because of over enthusiastic, overly competitive parents creating major disturbances and even fist fights on previous hunts.  How un-Christian like, particularly during Christianity’s most sacred holiday.

This Easter Mrs. Cranky, the two step-cranks and I celebrated with an all-day series of feasts and merriment at Mrs. C’s brother’s house.  All of Mrs. C’s immediate family, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews were present.

The food was great and the company was great.  One of the highlights of the day was an Easter egg hunt planned and organized by my Sister-in-law.  Over fifty plastic eggs filled with candy and cute Easter promises were hidden in the back yard.  Eggs had to be found and returned to a “home base” one at a time on a spoon to a bag clearly marked for each participant.

I immediately got into the spirit of the hunt and found and deposited three eggs in my bag.  At one point I got into a fight over an egg with my eleven year old niece Carli.  Fortunately I came to my senses and let go of the head-lock hold I had on this cute young lady and let her win the egg.  I returned empty-spooned to my bag content with my three egg conquest.

My bag was EMPTY!! 

This was a family-only event.  The eggs held only candy.  There was no money involved and yet it became so competitive that someone, I assumed a youngster, actually stole all three eggs from my bag.

What the thief didn’t know was that one of the eggs was unique from all the eggs hidden.  It was the only egg that was not a solid color. 

Of the nieces and nephews present, only Carli was under 21.  She was my first suspect.  Carli is very competitive.  She is also very honest and fair minded.  I was somewhat relieved when I checked her bag and did not see the multi-colored egg.

I knew the step-cranks well enough to be sure they would not stoop to egg thievery.  That left a nephew and a niece as my primary culprits.  Both were clean. 

I was shocked to realize that it was someone in the older generation that slunk to an egg stealing low.

We all proceeded to the dining room to open the eggs and read our Easter promises.  I had no egg.  I was handed two promise notes.  I had to promise not to fall asleep during family events (I had my fingers crossed on this one) and to refer to Mrs. Cranky as “My beautiful goddess that I worship the ground she walks on” for one day.

As we went around the table I watched intently for the owner of the stolen multi-colored egg.  I was shocked when I spotted it.  It was in the possession of the person I would have least expected.  I thought it might have been stolen as a gag, but the possessor of the egg was not a joker. 

Maybe the egg was stolen and planted on this person.  So I will not reveal their identity.  I can only wonder about the possible motive for this scurrilous act of egg thievery.

What is it about Easter Egg Hunts that brings the competitiveness and larceny out of honest people?     

STUPID HEADLINES 040812

STUPID HEADLINES 040812

It is a little late, but here are this week's stupid headlines and my stupider sophmoric sometimes offensive comments.

Michelle Obama on 'Biggest Loser' to fight obesity – Oh stop! Maybe she could lose five pounds, but Michelle Obama is NOT obese.

Urine-soaked eggs a tasty, healthy treat? – I’ll just get really fricking sick thank you!

'Annoying, Offending' Language Online Would Be Crime Under Arizona Bill – If you are in Arizona please do not read this blog!

Anonymous says it hacked Chinese government sites – He also comments on my blog all the time.

Police: US Virgin Islands mother had week-old baby girl zipped up in her purse while driving – “Hmmm driver’s license, driver’s license…I know it’s in here…OH here, right under the baby.”

World’s first hotel for sheep opens in Japan – Someone….please….come up with a funny comment and win a Cranky “Whoop-Tee-Do.”

Military, church struggle to address Catholic chaplains shortage – Oh well, turns out Catholic chaplains aren’t very good shots.

Iran lawmaker: Country can produce nuclear weapons but will never do so – Ok then; nothing to worry about.  A religious fanatical nation that vows to cut off the heads of cartoonists for their material promises not to make nuclear weapons even though they could.  That’s good enough for me.

Sarkozy dangles "empty chair" threat over Europe – Ooooh Europe is sooo scared.  An empty chair….Ooooh!

Angry ex-girlfriend goes ballistic, rips off man’s scrotum – That certainly explains why she is the “Ex” girlfriend.  

Gazprom flags Shtokman gas shift; Europe wary – WHAT?

7-year-old boy tied to Alaska arson fires – That seems like extreme punishment.  What could a little boy do to deserve this?