This blog is now sugar FREE, fat FREE, gluten FREE, all ORGANIC and all NATURAL!!

Friday, May 13, 2022

Suburban Wild Kingdom


Suburban Wild Kingdom

The Cranky’s live in suburbia.  There are some woods and a river a half mile away, but our townhome is in the middle of roads, grass and a few trees and bushes.  It is a pretty area, but seemingly not a place for a wild life expedition.

A few years ago, we had a squirrel family in our eaves.  We got rid of them and shored up their entrance.  It was not that big a deal.  Well, it was a pain in the ass, but it wasn’t scary or anything.

Last year we installed some ring cameras around the home.  We did this as there were some car break-ins and also, attached units can be creepy.  With the ring we know that the sound in the living room is actually the neighbors closing their door loudly.  All our entrances are monitored by the ring.

I know there is the occasional skunk outside.  Not by the ring, but by the nose.  The ring camera once also recorded a fox.

A month ago, there was a raccoon on the deck that set off the ring camera.  It was a cute little thing.

The other week my neighbor told me there was a family of raccoons in his attic.  Climbed up a tree to the roof and made a home in their attic.  They made noise at night and their defecation and urination was making a stink.  Not such cute little things.

The next night there were two opossums on our deck.  I have had them in a previous home basement.  Not such cute little things.  I figured his attic family was actually opossums.

Anyway, the neighbor had Orkin Pest Control come out to rid the creatures.  They could not trap them, but they put a contraption on the entrance that would let them out but not let them back in.  Last I heard they were gone, but the stink remains.

Tonight, I decided to bbq a nice steak.  Mrs. C is at Disney World with her son and daughter-in-law, so I enjoyed a nice bachelor glass of port and a good cigar while warming up the grill. 

I finished my cigar and port and left the grill to get the steak.  On my way into the house there appeared a large raccoon right behind me.

Near scared the bejesus out of me.  I yelled and banged the deck floor.  Mr. Raccoon was not bothered in the least.  He did not attack, but he did not back up either. 

I have read that raccoons are not to be fooled with.

  • Raccoons are formidable creatures. They have sharp teeth and claws, and the strength to inflict significant harm. There are many accounts of children, and adults, being disfigured by raccoon attacks. They are also known to inflict wounds on dogs and cats, especially at night.

Plus, they are sometimes rabid…especially if you see them in the day, which this still was.

I scampered inside and slammed the sliding door.  The raccoon seemed interested in the door and what was behind it.  Yelling and banging did not disturb him one bit, which disturbed me a lot!

I closed the blinds and waited for the raccoon to leave.  When I thought the coast was clear, I ran out to the grill with my golfing eight iron for defense…probably should have had a four iron…shut down the grill and dashed back to the safety of my home.  I suspect he was hunkered down under the deck.

I grilled the steak inside on the stove, which set off the smoke alarm for about ten minutes (more excitement) and then finished it off in the oven.

The steak was delicious, but I am afraid to use my deck as I think that is where the raccoon resides.

I need to check with my neighbor for the number to Orkin.

Not to get political, but I never had these problems before Biden was President…well except for the damn squirrels. *

*Just joking, probably not his fault.





  1. Well at least you got to enjoy your steak. I'm glad we don't have raccoons here in Australia, we have enough trouble with possums. they scrabble around the roofs at night and make awful noises while mating season is on, plus the paths near any trees are covered in possum poo and they wee all over my garden. It stinks out there!

  2. Good grief, what an adventure. Think a trapper and relocator is in your future. It would bother me that you saw him/her in the day time and it had no fear of you.

  3. That is really an experience.Never knew that Racoons can attack people.

  4. A squirt gun with some ammonia inside might work. If not, a strong spray from your hose if you have access on your deck.

  5. That is a nightmare. Our biggest issue are deer and chipmunks, but I know there are other scarier critters around here, too.

  6. Be careful about that Ring doorbell, someone in our neighborhood had a bike stolen and the Ring that should have alerted them to someone there did not do so.

    Raccoons have moxie. My client who has a couple of feral cats outside of her house that she trapped, spayed, and now feeds sometimes sees a raccoon come for the cat food. She throws some to it at the end of the yard to pacify it and keep it away from the cats.

  7. "Family of raccoons in his attic"? I would literally move out of that house! I once threw away a somewhat expensive rug because someone squished a spider on it.

  8. Now he's looking for a new home, after Orkin "changed the locks" to your neighbor's attic. Heh, heh, you closed the blinds so the raccoon couldn't look in your house! I am wondering how this event might have played out if Mrs. C was home. Maybe she would have put your steak on the grill, and tossed a towel over it to hide it from the raccoon. Or maybe she has a raccoon trap in her storage locker.

  9. You have more animal action than we do and we live in the country on 6 acres with 4 of those being woods! I'm sure it's not my killer Westie, Annabelle that is keeping creatures at bay. However, in the city the animals don't have a whole lot of places to wander to get food. Garbage cans and outside cat food does attract raccoons. Opossums eat ticks so I'm good with them. Squirrels can be a pain to get rid of. One of our Docs had a family of them in his attic and because the squirrels had used it as a bathroom they would return because of the smell. So gross! I hope you can rid the coon from your deck and get it put out to the country....just not my country! Have a good week!

  10. I've seen raccoons in my yard digging for grubs in the wee hours of the morning in years past. Our dog then tangled with an opossum, another time with a skunk. We had fruit rats set up housekeeping in our attic once we finally got rid of. Only once did a huge raccoon show up in regular daytime hours on our roof by the front door reaching down to my children who thought it was cute. I quickly got them inside, explaining the potential risks and to watch from the inside. S/he eventually went away and we never saw any raccoon during the day afterward.

  11. oh that was little disturbing story dear Joe ,i hope racoon won't visit you again . few years back while visiting a hill park i choose short cut to reach the fence to take panoramic look of the city ,and from the bushes a monkey came out ,i stood as he looked cute but within minute many more appeared and view got scary as they did not look happy with me being with their smaller one .
    blessings to you both !

  12. We live in a Mini Farm Community in the Heart of a big City and I saw a Raccoon one Night on the Porch... and then the Neighbors Security Cam caught a pack of Coyote roaming around at Night too! I'm so glad the Grandson brought his Pit Bull when he moved back in with us, I feel safer with Tyson on Watch, even tho' intimidating looking, he's a big Cupcake tho'... I only Hope Raccoons and Coyote will never actually know that!?