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Monday, April 11, 2011



If aliens landed on Earth and watched TV commercials for a week, they would return to their planet and report that the big hairy rough fat people on Earth are clearly inferior, weaker, stupider and subservient to the smaller smooth faced long haired gentle creatures.
A big burley guy is rummaging through the refrigerator looking for the fancy deserts that he hears his wife talking about on the phone (unaware she is talking about low-fat yogurt.)  When the wife sees the husband looking in the fridge, she admonishes “Babe, what are you doing?”  It is as if she caught him wearing her panties.  The big burley husband looks up like he is guilty of a major crime, and is about to be severely chastised by his wife of whom he is clearly scared shitless. 
I know this is just a commercial and it is aimed at women who buy most of the yogurt, but….WOMEN…. Does this really make you feel better about yourself?  Congratulations, you married a weak spineless p-whipped asshole who is scared to be even caught looking in the refrigerator without your permission.  And please, DUDE, look her in the eye and say “What am I doing?  I’m looking for that key lime pie you’re talking about, dammit.  I pay for that stuff, I want it, I pay for this refrigerator, I’ll open it, and I pay for that phone, get off it and find me some pie!
A wife seeing her husband with goggles and a power-hose says, “Oh, you’re going to wash the deck?”
The dopey looking husband responds, “Not wash, POWER wash.”  He then proceeds to power spray everything off the table and the deck, losing control of the hose and looking like a complete idiot!  Later he is seen to be proud of his accomplishment while the wife gives him that sympathetic understanding look that says in typical TV fashion, “You big teddy bear, your intentions are good even if you are an incompetent bumbling boob.”  Not for nothing, but if you can’t control a power washer; put on a flipping skirt!
A husband is talking with a neighbor about his cereal.  “This can’t have any fiber, it doesn’t taste like cardboard.”  The look in his neighbor’s eyes tells him that his wife is right behind him, arms folded and about to tell him off.  “She’s right behind me isn’t she” He asks in total fear.
DUDE!   This is cereal that you probably paid for.  Are you really afraid to express an opinion that it tastes too good to have fiber? And what guy in the whole free world actually gives a flying rat’s behind if his cereal has fiber or not?
WOMEN!  Is this really how you want to be perceived?  Do you really think it is cute that your husband is such a weak sniveling panty waist?  I hope you never need to be defended because this guy will just step aside and say, “She is all yours.”
The emasculation starts at a young age.
Two boys are jumping a rope which is being swung by two little girls.  The two girls proceed to wrap the boys up with the rope so as to take control of some deli sandwiches. The boys are tied up like mummies and have dopey looking “gosh they fooled us again” grins on their faces as the girls hold up their prize Hills Farm sandwiches.  “Go meat!”  Go meat?  Go pull down your panties and squat on the bowl you pansy- assed little twits!  What the hell are you doing jumping rope in the first place?  DAMN!  These kids are going to grow up afraid to look for pie in their own refrigerators!
TV Commercials just make us look stupid.

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