Presents for the Wife

 Presents for the Wife

OK. I’m just going to admit it, I hate getting presents for my wife.  Birthday, Anniversary, Christmas, Mother’s Day, it never ends.  I’m not cheap (well maybe a little) it is just that when it comes to presents, a woman cannot be pleased.

I repeat “A WOMAN CAN NOT BE PLEASED!”

They say they can, but they cannot.

It starts two weeks before an occasion.

“What do you want for ________?”

“Oh, I don’t want anything, it’s fine.”

This is code for you better get something and you need to put some thought into it.  I learned this code from wife #1 and it did not go well.

“No, it is important, I am getting you something and I want it to be nice.”

“Surprise me.”

This is code for do some research and get me something nice that I have been wanting.  I learned this code from wife #2 and it did not go well.

A woman will not be specific about what they want because if you didn’t think of it yourself the present does not count.  

OK, I’ll surprise her.  

Turns out sexy outfits are a bad idea.

“You bought that for you, not for me!”

There was some truth in that, but still...

Clothes of any sort are risky, they may appreciate the thought, but never your taste, and you had better get the right size.

“Do you really think I am that fat!”

Jewelry is nice, but also expensive and after a few years wives run out of fingers toes and ears.

Flowers and candy are nice, but flowers die and candy goes to the hips.  Both are also assumed to be last minute no thinking presents…not great.

I learned as a young lad through situation comedy TV shows that any gadget relating to housework is a really bad idea.  Come home with a better vacuum cleaner for no particular occasion and it is appreciated, on a special day? NO!

Anyway, it is getting near Christmas, normally time for the dance to begin.

This year I am going to skip the dance. 

I think I’ll just get a nice coffee (tea) mug that says,

“MERRY CHRISTMAS…I’m a jerk!”