STUPID HEADLINES SUNDAY (on a Monday) 061619

STUPID HEADLINES SUNDAY (on a Monday) 061619

Passenger opens plane emergency exit, mistaking it for the toilet – Hell, I have trouble opening the actual restroom door on the dang plane.

What Does Vodka From Sheep Taste Like – BAAAAD! (Sorry, had to do it, it’s the Tourette’s.)

Rolls-Royce, Aston Martin, Lamborghini car prices plunge – Damn! I just took a three-year lease on a Honda.

New York woman assaults subway rider with infant strapped to chest – If you’ve ever been hit with an infant strapped to your assaulter’s chest, you know how painful that can be!

2 giraffes at Florida wildlife park suffer 'instantaneous' deaths after lightning strike – This is seriously very sad, but it is also why I was always instructed that if in a thunderstorm, never seek shelter under a giraffe.

Meghan McCain dismisses Gwyneth Paltrow, Brad Falchuk's part-time living situation as 'rich people stuff' – It’s also, ‘None of your gad darn business stuff’.

Engineer ignored warning signs hours before deadly FIU footbridge collapse – This is why C+ should not be a passing grade for an engineer.

Cheerios, Nature Valley cereals contain Roundup ingredient, study finds – On the plus side, I almost never find any weeds in my Cheerios.

Michigan mosque leader says 'wife beating' is a way to remind a woman she 'misbehaved' – Probably not very good advice, certainly not in this country!

Honda lawnmower reaches 100 mph in 6 seconds – Yeah, but how does it corner?

Fans wait 10 hours to ride new Harry Potter roller coaster – After waiting 10 hours for the three-minute ride, thrill seekers claim it was well worth the wait.  I wouldn’t wait ten hours if they were handing out five-pound bars of gold.

FEEL-GOOD STORY OF THE WEEK

A police officer's heartwarming surprise for a bullied child – A case of Good Cop/Good Cop.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/04/12/us/police-officer-surprise-birthday-party-btc/index.html

If You Treat Me Like An Idiot, I will not Disappoint

If You Treat Me Like An Idiot, I will not Disappoint

Why is it that people with crap jobs feel the need to treat their customers like they are idiots?  OK, Don’t think I am a snob talking about crap jobs, I've had many crap jobs back in the day.  I dug holes, painted walls, sold stuff, mopped vomit, burned boxes, and made deliveries.  I never treated others like they were idiots.

Today I stopped at the local WaWa for gas.  The pumps were all full, but I was in no hurry.  I pulled behind a small truck that seemed to almost be gassed up, when the gas attendant started waving and pointing and gesticulating at me.

I had no idea what he wanted. 

He apparently decided that he could make me understand by waving and pointing and gesticulating harder.

I still had no idea what he wanted. 

He decided that he could make me understand by waving and pointing and gesticulating even harder.

I finally rolled down the window, and asked,

“Am I doing something wrong? Is this lane alright?”

He answered in his best sarcastic little prick kind of way,

“Well, you can stay here if you really want, but there is no one in the truck ahead so…it might take a while, your choice.”

I thought to myself, 

“Couldn’t this brain surgeon simply have tapped my window and said, ‘Excuse me sir, the driver in front is inside, he may be a while’.”

Apparently he decided to be a sarcastic prick and waving and pointing and gesticulating should be enough.

So, I decided if he was going to treat me like an idiot, I wouldn’t disappoint him.

“Oh, so if I just stay here it might be a while?”

“It’s up to you.”

“How about that line over there, would that be OK?”

“Yes, you should probably go there.”

“Could you perhaps wave your arms, point and gesticulate?  I’m not so good with words.”

“What?”

“I’m not sure where I should go to find an open pump, if you would just wave and point and gesticulate like you were doing before, perhaps I could figure it out…words confuse me.”

And, the idiot pointed.

Before I pulled out of line, I waved, pointed, and gesticulated that I was going to move.

He just shook his head.

I thought to myself,

“That’s right, I’m an idiot; but you’re the one pumping gas.”

Internet Interruption

Internet Interruption

My wife and I watch a lot of TV, and we both are on our PC’s a lot.  Oh, we can multitask baby!

We do this in the bedroom. 

The bedroom is on the second floor of our town-home.  We get our TV reception from cable, our land phone line from cable, and our internet access from cable.  We have the cable “Triple play.” 

If cable is out, we lose TV, the internet, and our phone.  We do have cell phones also. 

Why, you ask, do we also have a phone landline?  Because we are old. 

The cable connection comes into our basement computer area, and the internet router also is in this area.

Suffice it to say, the corner of the basement where all these connections take place is a confusion of wires and boxes.

Anyway.

Sometimes we lose connection to the internet.  Usually if I just disconnect from our network on my PC, then reconnect, and it comes back.  Occasionally that does not work and the solution is to go two floors down to the basement and unplug the router for a count of ten (Probably don’t need to count, but what the heck) re-plug, the internet resets and we are good.  Needless to say, this is a pain, especially when comfortably ensconced in bed.

The other night the internet was down again.  The basement connections needed to be reset.  Now there are two boxes with power and even though I only need to cut power from one, I never know for sure which box.  Mrs. C says she knows but it seems to me, she keeps changing her direction on which box to cut power.  Being pragmatic, I simply pull both power cords and do the ten second thing.

When I returned upstairs, we had power again.

“Did you pull the cord from the router?”

“I pulled cords from both boxes.”

“Just don’t pull the cord from the one with the antennas!”

“Last time you said to pull the cord from the one WITH the antennas.”

“No I didn’t.”

“Yes, I even blogged about it.”

“Well you were wrong.”

“So, I pull from both boxes, what is the big deal?”

“You should only have to pull from one!”

“Here is a great idea.  The circuit breaker box is in the hall upstairs.  If we figure which breaker controls the cable/router box circuit, when we have an issue instead of going to the basement, I can just cut off that circuit for a count of ten.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“They both may not be on the same circuit.”

“What! There is only one outlet in that corner of the basement.”

“I don’t like messing with the circuit breakers.”

That whooshing sound you just heard was the “logic train” roaring past our house.  I’ve learned to not expect it to make any stops at our house.

I suppose I could figure out which switch works which circuit by myself, but that would entail about a dozen trips up and down two flights of stairs.

I think I’ll just leave it alone. 

The next time I’ll still unplug both boxes, but when Mrs. C asks which one I unplugged I’ll just tell her,

“The one you always tell me to unplug.”