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Monday, October 20, 2014



It has been a while since the last Mrs. Cranky's handwriting test. 

Mrs. C's handwriting is horrible, even with Catholic School training.  From time to time she expects me to be able to read her lists and she sends me off to the store.  She goes over the list before I leave but by the time I get to the store I always have trouble with some of the items.  I call her on the cell, and sometimes even she can't remember what she wrote.  The problem is not just the handwriting, but she also writes in a weird Mrs. Cranky code.

Here is a current list she sent me with.  There are twelve or thirteen items, I'm not sure.  I can identify about five...I think.  Mrs. C was baffled on two for a while, but she figured them out.

Give it your best shot if you want to enter.  The winner gets a mention and a WHOOP-TEE-DOO.  The winner from cranky family members or friends who enter and get the most correct answers get a free dinner out at a multi-star resturant.


Another mention and WHOOP-TEE-DOO will be awarded to the funniest interpretation.
Answers next Tuesday.

Cranky's first date - a cranky re-run

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This cranky re-run is from October 2012 

If first impressions are important, it is a wonder I have ever had a second date with a woman.  Mrs. Cranky will confirm that the first impression I give off is one of a clumsy, tongue tied, oblivious clod.  In actuality my real persona is only a little clod like.

I have always been a bit awkward with the ladies, right from my very first “date.”  My first date was at age thirteen with Sue R.  Sue R. was a petite extremely cute blonde with a budding personality.  Budding was the operative word for a hormone laden new teen.

Arranging this first date was an operation fraught with anxiety.  The family phone was in my parent’s bedroom.  To call a young lady you had to sneak into the room and dial quickly before a prying older brother caught you calling a girl.  If caught, the teasing would have been merciless. 

I called the very cute Miss Sue at least five times.  The first four I hung up because her brother, my brother’s best friend, answered the phone.  On the fifth try Mr. R. answered.

“Who is this and why do you keep calling and hanging up?”

“Um notme isSuethere?”

“Hmmm…whose calling?”

“Joe?  I mean Joe.”


M U S T   C A T C H   M Y   B R E A T H!




Deep breath. 

“Hi Sue, it’s Joe.  Would you like to go to a movie or something sometime?”

“Sure, when?”

“Oh I was thinking maybe Saturday?”



The big date was that Saturday, at a theater the next town over so we would not run into any school friends.  It was a double feature, “Godzilla” and “Mothra.”  With these Japanese horror classics, surely love would be in the air.

Mom drove us to the theater and dropped us off.  Sue and I had already stolen a kiss behind the candy store after school so I was expecting some real action.  I entered the theater with high expectations.  I was quickly brought down to Earth.

My first suave move was purchasing the ticket.

“Two, under twelve please.” (Come on, it was 25 cents for under twelve, 35 cents for adult.)

“You’re not under twelve.”

“Yes we are.”

The cashier surveyed my “budding” young date and responded even more insistently, “No…no you are not.”

Reluctantly I handed over the full price of 70 cents.  The cashier informed me, “Be glad, under twelve has to sit in the kid’s section, I’m guessing you would rather be alone.”

We headed in, bought a 15 cent box of buttered popcorn and went to the adult section.  I was anticipating hand holding followed by a yawn and an over-the-shoulder arm move and maybe some discreet kissing.

Instead the usher demanded we move to the kid’s section.

“But I paid for an adult ticket.”

“This section is for 16 years old and above.  You guys are not 16.”

“But I paid full price…”

We were forced to sit in a crowded section of 10 year old kids. 

The indignity of it all; I still get riled up thinking about it.  I paid as an adult and got treated like a kid.  There was no hand holding, no arm move, no discreet kissing.  Surrounded by 10 year olds, it was just too embarrassing for words.

The date was not a total loss, “Godzilla” and “Mothra” were classics, and believe it or not the cute Sue R. and I dated for almost a year.  We progressed past the arm-over move but beyond that I will not kiss and tell (there wasn’t that much to tell.)  Then her family moved to Florida.

They say you always remember your first date, and as much as I try to forget, what they say is unfortunately too true.

Anyhow, the popcorn was good.   

Sunday, October 19, 2014



It is time once again for
Ah...I think I'm coming down with something!

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline may be completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-doo. 'None of the above' may be a correct answer.


Vietnam vet's prosthetic leg stolen at Philadelphia Eagles game - I think the Giants were missing a few limbs as well.

Vatican proposes 'stunning' shift on gays, lesbians - In a further 'stunning' development, the church asserts the Earth to be round!

Parrot missing for years returns speaking Spanish - You know they just mimic stuff don't you, and its owner doesn't speak parrot.

Hillary Clinton to deliver Vegas speech for $225G - That's a rip- off! UPS would deliver it any where in the US for less than $12.95.

Mysterious Clowns Terrorizing California City - Why is that news?  That's been going on in Washington for years!

Some form of life after death is possible, study says - Most of the subjects questioned had nothing to say.

Kate Moss drinks from glass modeled after her breast - Fortunately she was not that thirsty.

Pricey Hermès bags 'reek like a skunk' - And that, is the derivation of "Stinking Rich."

Couple’s $680,000 Florida beach house is built on the wrong lot - Hey it could happen to anyone...right Scott?

Drunken Santa zombie enters St. Paul home - Down thru the chimney quick, quick, quick, comes the drunken zombie, old Saint Nick.

Schnauzer with microchip leads police on wild goose chase - Wouldn't that be loose dog chase?

Kansas City Royals advance to World Series - No, really, this is not the fake.  The Royals are in the World Series!

Michigan funeral home provides drive-thru option - When you just have to say good bye on the fly.

Patient files lawsuit after waking up from colonoscopy wearing pink panties - The patient swears he came into the hospital with purple panties.



Last weeks fake headline was:

Archeologists find 2000 year old skeleton of man who appears to be holding a remote - Only had two buttons, one for Fox News, the other for Cave Drawings.

Apparently it was too easy...lots of winners.  Only 6 got it wrong  THE WINNERS:

* It SO is.. but dammit, I laughed too.

It has to be the skeleton. How is that even remotely possible? ;)

* i didn't laugh, but i gave you props for cleverness.

gotta be remote, too.

I've got to go with Archeologists find 2000 year old skeleton of man who appears to be holding a remote. Not even possible.

Have a terrific day. :)
Regardless of the facts I know that your conclusion on the remote is absolutely true.
Yeah, the remote has to be impossible. That means the potato one would be true and that's just disturbing.
Remotely wrong.
Archeologists find 2000 year old skeleton of man who appears to be holding a remote. It's either made up or it's my husband!!
I'm gonna' go with the remote control story, altho Bill O'Reilly has probably been around since then so, meh, could be, but no. ;) - And that potato story? Disturbing and disgusting.. It'll be a while before I eat another spud..
I'll go with the skeleton holding a remote.

Special thanks to Katrina @ for a stupid headline submission.