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Monday, September 29, 2014

I MUST BE GETTING OLD - a cranky re-run

I MUST BE GETTING OLD
 
This week's re-run is from September 2012 


They say 60 is the new fifty. Then fifty used to be fricking old. I’m sixty-six and without looking in the mirror there are many signs that I am getting old:




I used to think about sex every 10 minutes; now I have to be reminded once a week.


I used to root for the Yankees as if my life depended on it; now I think, “Wouldn’t it be nice if the Orioles won for a change.” (I KNOW!)


I used to play and practice golf at every chance I had; now it’s “maybe tomorrow.”


I used to want a fast boat, a sports car, a big house, and a ton of money; now I think all of that would involve a lot of work.


I used to want to spend more time with my kids; now an hour with a grandchild will do.


I used to wake up raring to go; now, I wake up needing to go.


I used to think new stuff was really cool; now new stuff pisses me off.


I used to get all riled up over politics; now I figure it’s someone else’s problem.


I used to bowl a lot and I hated the 10 pin; OK that hasn’t changed.


I used to think 21 was young; now a young person is anyone under 45.


I think that Meryl Streep is hot; while Lindsey Lohan is a snot.


I used to invest based on potential for big gains; now high interest rates and big dividends get me excited.


Everywhere I go I see buildings that “Used to be” something else.


When they play “Oldies but Goodies” I’ve never heard of them.


The last thing that makes me positive that I am getting old is….ah…I’ll get back to you on that one.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

STUPID HEADLINES 092814


STUPID HEADLINES 092814

It is time once again for
Breathalyzer measured "Gassed!"
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

 
One headline may be completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-doo. 'None of the above' may be a correct answer.

 

 

_______________________________
Man Orgasms 100 Times Per day – What a day!!

Miss New York crowned Miss America for third year in a row – The lone judge who voted for Miss Kansas woke up with a horse head in his bed.

Cop's Tip For Not Getting Raped By A Cop: 'Don't Get Pulled Over' – Or, keep a box of jelly donuts on the passenger seat.

Calf With '7' On Forehead Gets Football-Inspired Name – Touchdown?

Man proposes marriage via skywriting…woman responds with plane towing ‘NO!’ – I guess they were both speechless!

Long Lost High School Sweethearts Marry 63 Years Later – Lost or in hiding?

College orders fraternities to become coed – Puts a Nu meaning to “Thank you sir, may I have another.”

College to put $1M roof on building set to be demolished – It must be the Economics Department Building.

Groundhog dropped by New York City Mayor de Blasio died a week later – From now on, all New York groundhogs must be equipped with handles.

Postal carrier accused of hoarding 40,000 letters –
NEWMAN!!

Kansas approves sex toy auction to settle tax debt – Dildos for dollars.

Gas Prices Continue Pullback Despite Middle East Turmoil – Clearly a case of big oil collusion.  I demand a government inquiry!

_______________________________

Last week’s fake headline was:

Buzz Aldrin, “Moon Landing Real, I Have Green Cheese to prove it” – I think I know who is sending those Nigerian Prince e-mails.

The Winners Are:


oh, heck, i'll go for green cheese since i'm a cheesehead by birth.

A Cheesehead?  This shouldn’t even count!  Oh well, visit TWG @ http://run-a-roundranch.blogspot.com/ for the best photo blog from someone not named Hilary.    

 


Joe, I need to kill my new Google news feed. I've read every one of these, except Buzz Aldrin and his green cheese. The man has nothing to prove.
Maybe you could switch to Al Jazera news, instead of Fox.

I have reported Joanne to Homeland Security, find her @ http://cuponthebus.blogspot.com/ before she is pulled in for questioning.

 


OK, I'm back--I'll go with the green cheese. Unless the craters in the moon are actually swiss cheese holes!!

She’s Baaaaack! Find fIshducky @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/ Because we can all use a little fishducky in our life.

 


Well, you'd better believe Buzz Aldrin, or he'll punch you in the face! Still...I can't see him making the green cheese statement. I'm bobbing and weaving and calling Buzz Aldrin the fake.

Apparently green cheese and auction meat don’t go well together.  Look for Val @ http://unbaggingthecats.blogspot.com/ She is like a box of chocolates cause…well, you know.

 


Damn I was gonna go for whatever Sandee went for :-)
I will go for Moon Landing Real, I Have Green Cheese to prove it

Got it even without Sandee’s help! Go to @ http://bethere2day.com/ for a daily laugh.   

 

                       Stephen Hayes

                      Green cheese sounds bogus to me.

                      Im in trouble when I can’t even fool Stephen.

For some of the best stories in the blogesphere visit my liberal friend @ http://thechubbychatterbox.blogspot.com sometimes even his politics makes sense!

 

 Sandee

Buzz Aldrin, “Moon Landing Real, I Have Green Cheese to prove it”, is my pick this week. I just can't guy this one.

Have a fabulous day Cranky. :)

AGAIN!! Good jokes everyday @ http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ I think Sandee might be fishducky in disguise.
 
VISIT OUR WINNERS, AND COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE
 
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

Saturday, September 27, 2014

WHY SO ANGRY?


WHY SO ANGRY?

A Cranky Opinion For

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The Following is the opinion of a cranky old man with no particular expertise on the subject opined. Opposing opinions are welcome...they will be ignored, but they are welcome, and as always, please, no name calling, and that means you, you big stupid head.

I don’t like dancing, but it doesn’t make me angry. I even watch "Dancing With The Stars" because Mrs. C’s hobby is ballroom dancing and she works for a dance studio.

I don’t like sewing, but it doesn’t make me angry. I even appreciate the things that skilled sewing provides.

I don’t like fashion and fashion shows, they seem pretentious and silly, but they don’t make me angry. I even watch "Project Runway" with the wife.

I don’t like opera. I don’t like Broadway Shows, I don’t like Ballet, I don’t like concerts, but none of these things make me angry, and I will from time to time go to these events. Sometimes I even enjoy myself.

There are thousands of hobbies and events that I do not particularly like or understand. None of them make me angry.

I watch a lot of TV. I often read posts where people claim to not only dislike TV, but their tone would make you believe that TV actually makes them angry, and they seem to convey a certain superiority for not liking TV.

Football makes some people angry. Oh yes it does, I’ve seen it with many wives including two ex-wives. They hate that their husbands get enjoyment from watching football and other sports.

Golf makes some people angry…oh yes it does too; I was married to someone that actually got angry if they saw it on TV.

Politics makes people angry. Disagree with someone’s politics and you are a stupid non-thinking automaton. There is no other explanation, the other guys political opinion is always based on greed and or stupidity.

Religion makes people angry. Some people get so angry about religion they will kill you if you don’t believe as they do. Some people just get angry if people have any belief in a higher power at all.

I get it, you don’t like some things, or you have a different opinion from others. Do you have to get angry about it? Are you so superior that anyone who thinks differently from you has to be a moron? Is there no room for different points of view?

“Look at that jerk; he’s wearing a striped shirt and checkered pants, what a bozo!” Hey, maybe he likes that look. Maybe his wife likes that look. Maybe some people just have different tastes. Why is your taste the correct one?

There are cultures that get up in your face when they talk. If you back away they are insulted. Other cultures are insulted if you don’t respect their personal space. Wars have been fought because space respecters back away from close talkers. Personal tastes and cultures are incorrectly interpreted as disrespect, and disrespect is interpreted as hate, hate makes people angry and anger starts wars.

People are different. People like different things. It is hard sometimes to understand why people are different and like different things, but it should not make you angry.

Everyone needs to relax. People need to respect different cultures, different opinions, different things, different tastes and styles. Don’t get angry at something just because you don’t understand it.

People that get angry about things they don’t agree with or understand just piss me off!

The preceding was the opinion of cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management...Mrs. Cranky.