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Sunday, November 23, 2014

STUPID HEADLINES 112314


STUPID HEADLINES 112314

It is time once again for
That might call for a disengagement


STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY


This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

One headline may be completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-doo. 'None of the above' may be the correct answer.

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Second hand marijuana smoke as harmful as tobacco – But way more fun!

Jose Canseco plans to sell his middle finger on eBay – On New Jersey highways drivers will give you their middle finger for nothing.

Texan arrested for trying to steal police car, with detective inside – Those Texans…not satisfied with just the car.


Woman claims Bill Cosby never raped her – Cosby lawyer refused to dignify this claim with a response.


Satanic group plans to hand out coloring books in Florida schools – Well that will separate church from state.

Kitty litter mix-up at fed lab contributed to costly nuclear radiation leak, report says – Oh yeah, water cools the nuclear rods, not kitty litter; simple mistake.

President Obama pardons turkey; Republicans object to abuse of power – Oh come on, of course this is fake, there is one more.

Duggar Expands Anti-Gay Brand to Include Racism – Homophobic and racist wow!  Reality star with 19 children doesn’t get that probably at least two are Gay, but probably none are Black.

Pennsylvania Great Dane gives birth to 19 puppies – All in one shot? Kinda makes the Duggars seem like losers.

Most Heavy Drinkers Are Not Alcoholics – They just drink a lot and can’t stop, while an alcoholic can’t stop drinking a lot…good to know.


Mattel apologizes for inept computer engineer Barbie – Why does Mattel apologize, is it their fault that computer engineer Barbie is inept?


100-year-old woman sees ocean for the first time – “That’s it?  It’s just a lot of water.  Big Friggin deal!


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Last week’s fake headline was:


Flatulence can trigger Asthma Attack – NYC Mayor DiBlasio pushes to fine farts…wait that didn’t come out right…oops, neither did that.


And the winners are:



It SHOULD be the New York City headline, but I'll go with the flatulence one!!

I just can’t beat fishducky!  Visit fishducky @ http://fishducky.blogspot.com/ always funny stuff!


I was going to go with the gagged dummy but changed my mind, thinking that asthma is the least of your worries when it comes to flatulence, so I'm guessing that one is fake.

He is on a hot streak! Visit Jimmy for not just opinions @ http://jimsop.blogspot.com/


I was going to say the flatulence one but then I started thinking that they didn't necessarily mean your own. That now seems plausible. So I'll guess no fakes.

Oh gee, so close.  I’m sorry, I can’t give a mention to Hilary @ http://thesmittenimage.blogspot.com/  To bad because she has a very entertaining blog, stories told with photos. 


I'm going to go with along with the stupidity virus. Okay, I've not a clue this week.

Oh no! A seventeen week winning streak just came to an end. Sorry, but no mention for Sandee @ http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ Funny stuff, especially silly Sunday, but I just can’t give a mention.


Visit and congratulate all the winners and come back next week for more


STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

Saturday, November 22, 2014

DRONE as in MOAN!


DRONE as in MOAN!
Sorry, horrible title for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with little or no knowledge on the topic opined.  Conflicting opinions are welcome, but will be ignored.  As always, please, no name calling.  That means you, you big butt-head!

This just in:

The Federal Aviation Administration won a key ruling this week allowing it to regulate drone flights.


The decision by the National Transportation Safety Board was a setback for those who had argued drones should be allowed to fly without all the regulations that apply to more typical manned aircraft.


The decision revolved around a $10,000 FAA fine against businessman Raphael Pirker, who used a remotely operated 56-inch foam glider to take aerial video to make an advertisement.


An NTSB judge overturned the fine in March, holding that the FAA aircraft rules should not apply to unmanned aircraft.


But the NTSB ruled Monday that the FAA rules should apply.


You have got to be kidding me!  I am not a big fan of government regulations, but Holy Hannah!  Planes without pilots flying around without any regulations? 


Who is at the controls?  Do they have any idea what the heck they are doing?  Are the drones maintained properly? Does the idea of small objects with multiple propellers knifing through the air anywhere any time by anyone scare only me?


Do drones ever crash?  Could they crash on a moving vehicle, or a pedestrian, or another plane, or an electric wire, or through a school window, or a nuclear power plant, or a…well pretty much anywhere?


Who is asking for drones without regulations or standards?  Are they crazy?  Gee, what could go wrong? 


Personally I would like to see drones outlawed by all but our Armed Forces.  I’m not a fan of guns, concealed or otherwise, but imagine the damage a lunatic could reek with a drone and some fertilizer. How about a teenager goofing around, or a drunk, or me for crispy sake.


I’ve read about Amazon wanting to use drones to make deliveries.  No thank you, I’ll wait.


If we allow anyone to fly these things for any reason, without making sure these operators are qualified, sane and law abiding; if we allow these drones to fly without assuring proper maintenance, there will be accidents.  People will be killed, property will be damaged and then for sure, laws will be passed.


Maybe we should think about it and pass adequate laws now. 


Hell, if I can’t smoke because it disturbs someone else’s air, then I sure as hell don’t want to be breathing in your drone fumes or even worse smacking into your drone!


The preceding is the opinion of a cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky. 

Friday, November 21, 2014

HIGH SCHOOL PHYSICS


HIGH SCHOOL PHYSICS


Several weeks ago in a post on my high school physics class I mentioned my teacher Mr. Taylor; an interesting guy Mr. Taylor.

http://joeh-crankyoldman.blogspot.com/2014/08/pssc-physics.html

His full name was Noel Taylor.  Behind his back we called him Leon Rolyat. Weren’t we clever?

Mark Taylor, Mr. Taylor’s son was in my class…smart MF’er. He got no special attention from Mr. Taylor.

I think Mr. Taylor was once a very good baseball player, and might have been the school coach at one time.  As I recall Mark was also a pretty good ball player.

Anyway, the Mr. Taylor I knew had issues speaking, never mind playing baseball.  I think he had at sometime suffered a mild stroke.  He sounded like a phone call with a bad connection. If I make fun of his speech, keep in mind we all loved this guy.  He was strict, he never laughed, he was all business, but he had a twinkle in his eye that let you know he was a good dude.

I was not a good student, certainly not in any science related study, but I was a pretty good wise ass.  Mr. Taylor had the perfect demeanor for my wise-assiness.

On our very first class, Mr. T explained the difference between a ruler and a meter stick.

“Ow listen up oo guys.  This is a etterick. It is not an ard ick, it is a eterick.  It is ot a uler, it is a etterick.  So ets call it orectly o k.”

It was not long after that speech that I had a need for a meter stick.

“Excuse me Mr. Taylor, can I borrow one of those big rulers?”

“Agy, oo umb b’ unny.  It’s not a uler, it’s a etterick!”

Another time Mr. Taylor was giving a lecture on the battery.

“N eeon ow wot is a attery?”

Realizing that Mr. Taylor was a baseball fan, I decided to give him a wise guy answer using the baseball term for a battery, which refers to the pitcher and the catcher.  In my haste to get this bad joke out I responded,

“It’s the kitcher and the petcher…the petcher and the kitcher…oh hell I screwed that one up.”

Mr. Taylor did not miss a beat,

“Actually Mr. Agy, umb b’unny that he is ot the ight nswer.”

He then went on to explain how a battery pitches and catches electrons or some such stuff.

Mr. Taylor did not write much better on the chalk board than he was able to speak.

As he mumbled he wrote and there with a constant clack clack and flying chalk dust as he rambled on,

“all oo ave to oo is easure the istance eetween the ulcrum and ee nybathm to et the ite ansr.”

“Bird” who sat behind me, I don’t remember his real name but he was tall with a big Adam’s apple and resembled a cartoon buzzard, tapped me on the shoulder and asked,

“What is he writing?”

“What, you can’t read that, it is as clear as a bell…it says, ‘all oo ave to oo is easure the istance eetween the ulcrum and ee nybathm to et the ite ansr.’”

“Agy, oo umb b’unny, ots so ogon unny?”

I hated Physics, but I liked Mr. Taylor a lot!