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Sunday, November 29, 2015

YOUR BABY CAN’T READ - a cranky re-run

A dumb commercial a few years back set off this rant, the commercial is gone, the rant may still be valid.  It is from November 2011
Parents have an obsession with making their children the best that they can be.  Pregnant women play classical music to their developing embryo in an attempt to give their child-to-be a head start in music ability and appreciation.  Every toy sold to children from new born to teen has some educational/developmental aspect.  Colors, numbers, letters, words, animals, sounds, textures, every toy tries to disguise learning with play.  When children do not use the toy for its intended educational purpose, parents jump right in to demonstrate the correct way to play and learn.

Children today have tutors to teach them to read before they reach kindergarten.   Children are taught karate and other martial arts in the name of self-esteem and self defense before they go to school.  Parents send their young athletes to sports trainers and sports facilities to gain an advantage over their budding young competition.  Parents today are panicked that they will not help their children to develop to their fullest potential.          

Parents please……RE-FUCKING-LAX!!

Your child will learn to read when he is good and ready.  She will be a natural athlete if she was born a natural athlete.  Your little genius will be a math whiz and will invent world altering stuff without your constant prodding and fretting their whole life.

If they ask for help, if they show an unusual talent, if they exhibit an aptitude in a given direction, help them.  Get them lessons.  Buy that guitar.  Embrace their talents, give them opportunities to grow in many directions, but don’t force them to do or learn stuff in competition with your niece, the kids around the block, or the children of the braggadocios annoying lady at church. 

Your children will find their niche.  Water will always seek its own level.  When pushed, children will drag their feet, they will shut down, and they will burn out. 

Given encouragement and a little help children will thrive.  You cannot hide genius.  If you locked a five year old Beethoven in a closet with a spoon, twelve glasses and a bottle of water he would emerge with a symphony.

What started this tirade was a commercial I have been seeing on late night TV.  It is the “Your Baby Can Read” commercial.  This scam asserts that with their flash cards and constant prodding you can teach a one or two year old child to read.  The ad shows dozens of kids all under three reading from the flash cards.  These children are reading, smiling, and laughing and the parents are beaming.  I knew this ad was bull crap when one of the two year olds read, with perfect word use inflection, the word “OUTSTANDING.” PAALEEZE!!

Your baby can be taught to mimic a word on a flash card.  Your baby CAN’T read. 

My dog can bark, roll over and play dead on command. 

Your baby CAN’T read.

You can guide your children, you can’t mold them.  They will learn to do shit when they are ready.  They need to build muscles and coordination in order to walk.  They need to learn sounds and experiment with them in order to talk.  They do these things on their own schedule.  You can retard growth; you cannot speed it up.  Children need tools, direction, and encouragement and they will learn.

You can spend your day with flash cards, videos, and books.  You can knock yourself out for months 24/7 with these flash cards.  Your baby may learn to say “Outstanding” when she sees that card.  She will say it with the exact inflection as you say it to her.  My Parrot can do the same thing.  My parrot can’t read.

Your baby CAN’T read!    



It is time again for

This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider, sometimes sophomoric comments.  


DARPA's latest project? A brain implant capable of restoring lost memories – Or changing memories…I’m pretty sure this was a movie on the SciFy channel.

John Kerry: ISIS 'not 10 feet tall' – Well in some cases they are censored and censored censored their censored. (This comment has been severely censored due to it being way too insensitive. It was kinda funny though)

Scientists create mosquito strain with malaria-blocking genes – So when you go to the doctor and he has a mosquito bite you, relax it is just an immunization bite.

Man holds up two stores using only a windshield snow brush – There is a push to ban snow brushes, but the NSBA says, “If you take away the snow brushes, only the criminals will have them.

University suspends yoga class, citing 'cultural issues' that may offend students – Yoga never bothered me, but Calculus sure offended the heck outta me!

The king of Sweden doesn't want you to bathe – Where was he when I was four?

Why did this ambassador swim across the Nile? – Duh, to get to the other side.

Drunk Russian sailor crashes 7,000-ton ship into Scotland -- at full speed – The ship had to be scrapped, but no one was kilt.

Florida police bust elderly women's mahjong game – A “Little Old Ladies Lives Matter” rally will be held on Tuesday.

Woman knits mini sweaters to keep her chickens warm I’ve never heard them called that before.

People having sex with horses is on the rise in Switzerland* – Apparently in Switzerland Neigh doesn’t mean Neigh!

Bacon-Scented Undies Mean All Your Panty Problems Are Cured – Instead of smoking after sex you have an urge for a cup of coffee.

Winner Of 'Mr. Ugly' Pageant Accused Of Being Not Ugly Enough – I’m not sure, is that a compliment?

North Korea tested submarine-launched missile, but launch failed: report – Kim Jung-Oops!

Man who pushed button on failed North Korea missile launch is scheduled to ride missile on next test – OK, that one is a fake…maybe.

*Thx Marty!


Come back next week for more:


Friday, November 27, 2015


A cranky opinion for


The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with little knowledge of the subject opined.  Opposing views are welcome but will be ignored.  As always, please no name calling, that means you, you big stupid-head!

There is a common criticism toward Muslims with respect to the terrorist acts that Al Qaeda, ISIS and other groups commit using the Muslim religion to legitimatize their despicable acts.  The criticism is the loud silence from the Muslim community.              

Although there have been some Muslim leaders who disavow terrorist acts and condemn them, overwhelmingly there has been silence.  The silence is understandable given the brutality of the terrorists. I suspect there has been a very reasonable fear in the Muslim community of horrible retribution to anyone that speaks against the terrorists.

The silence seems to be changing.  Muslims are beginning to speak out against the terrorists.  I believe the ripple of criticism from the Muslim community will crescendo into a tidal wave of criticism and anger against the terrorists that are trying to hijack Islam.

These Islamic terrorists use fear and intimidation to force their perverted ideology on the world.  Fear and intimidation is very effective until what people are feeling and experiencing is as frightening as what they fear.  At that point even the timid fight back.

I believe we are seeing the start of that fight back.  Voices are being raised; the #Notinmyname Facebook and Twitter campaign is gathering steam.  As the number of voices being raised against Islamic terrorists increases exponentially, terrorist intimidation will decrease, terrorist recruitment and indoctrinating will diminish, and we will see defections in the terrorist camps.

It will be slow in the beginning, but if true Muslims continue to stand up for their faith, the terrorists will be defeated.  In fact it is the only way this perversion will truly be eradicated.  Bombs and bullets can snuff out infernos, but it will take the voices of true Muslims to stamp out all the embers.

The preceding was the opinion of a cranky old man and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.