PROUD HETEROSEXUAL MEN...come on!
I am embarrassed by the current crop of PHM, especially those as seen on Reality TV.
When I see a bald fat man win a cooking competition, punch the sky, whoop it up, toss in a few YEAH’s and grunts while fist bumping and high fiving everyone within range, I cringe.
“DUDE!! You cooked the best risotto! You did not win the World Cage Fighting Championship.”
I watched a bowling match the other day. I love to bowl, but it is just rolling a ball at big sticks. Throwing a ball is manly, hitting a ball is macho, rolling a ball is fun, but it is ROLLING A BALL. The winner of this match wrapped up his victory by converting a single pin spare. He jumped up and down, punched the sky, bent over and made a double fist while screaming ferociously,
“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about, YEAH!!”
“Dude, well done, but it is bowling, you rolled a ball really well, relax, you are embarrassing all PHM.”
Recently I saw a guy correctly answer a “Wheel of Fortune” “Before and After” puzzle. You would have thought he just won the Super Bowl.
“Damn Dude, man up and relax. You won $1800 dollars and you beat two women, a Yippee would do.”
Look, real men don’t eat quiche. Real men don’t cry…often. Real men ogle, but try and be respectful and hide it. Real men know how to give another real man a proper man hug (chest in, butt out, three thumps to the back and release) but real men do not over-react to simple successes.
Simple success can be followed by a swift hand clap and can even include a “YES” if it is not a rub-it-in “YES.” A simple win should be followed by “Nice game” and a hand shake, high five or fist bump.
Real men control their emotions as if to show their winning or success is commonplace.
Uncontrolled jumping, sky punching, screaming, chest bumping and Ultimate Warrior facial expressions should be reserved for winning the Super Bowl, World Series, World Cup or any such once in a life time achievements.
Unless, of course, you do tap the untappable.