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Monday, September 1, 2014

THE KING TUT PUZZLE - a cranky re-run


THE KING TUT PUZZLE
 
Being the start of a new school year, I thought this would be an appropriate post for re-run Monday.  This re-run is from September 2012. 

Lou at “Sunnyside” http://www.loubradt.com/ recently ranted about homework for grade school children.  It reminded me of this story.
At seven years old, Spencer was bringing home a boatload of homework every night.  Much of it was “busy” work and some didn’t make sense even to his parents.  My favorite was a math question designed (I guess) to make the kids think:
“Two and two equals four…explain.”
I mulled over this question for about 20 minutes.  I had no idea what the teacher was looking for and it was 8:30, 30 minutes past Spencer’s bed time and 2 ½ hours into a seven year olds homework.  I finally scribbled on his paper:
“Because if he told me two and two equals anything else I would think he was an idiot and you were the worst math teacher in the USA.”
Mr. Hagy

That was the last “thinking question” homework we received that year.

The killer assignment of all assignments was a “King Tut” puzzle.
Spencer came home one night with an envelope.  Inside were 11 pieces of white paper cut into puzzle pieces.  The assignment was to put the pieces together and then tell three things about the person the puzzle formed.
Plain white pieces are difficult to figure out, especially when cut by scissors and even more especially when one piece was missing.  We (did any teacher really think a 7 year old was going to do this without help) started at 7:00.  At 7:45 I still did not know who this puzzle was supposed to be until I asked Spencer what they were studying in this class. 
“Egypt.”
Ah ha!  The puzzle without a piece now started to look like King Tut.
The puzzle finally solved, we now had to tell three things about King Tut.
It was eight o’clock and I was borderline crazed about this stupid assignment.  Couldn’t the teacher just have asked “Tell three things about King Tut?”  No, she had to send home a stupid freaking all white puzzle with a missing piece.  What fun!!
“Get your book Spence and we’ll look up King Tut.”  His book did not have a section on King Tut.  I guess we were expected to look him up on the internet.  My internet access at the time was via a slow modem (remember modems?)  My patience was now zero.
“Write this down Spence.”

1.     King Tut was called the child king…because he was a child.  (That was the extent of my King Tut knowledge.) 

2.    King Tut was left handed.  (Prove me wrong.)

3.    It is now nine o’clock; my father says it is well known that King Tut was unable to solve puzzles with all white scissor cut pieces especially when one piece was missing.  So I guess King Tut was also an idiot.

That was the last puzzle project of the year.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

STUPID HEADLINES 083114


STUPID HEADLINES 083114

It is time once again for
Don't you just hate when that happens?
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY

 
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider sophomoric and sometimes offensive comments.

 
One headline may be completely made up, guess the fake and win a mention and a Whoop-tee-doo.  'None of the above' may be a correct answer.

 
________________________________

Lesbians Outdo Straight Women on Orgasms – Sure, but are they counting quantity, or speed?

Rare creature shocks neighbors – It was early morning, I didn’t think anyone was up yet.

United Airlines seat recliner scrum leads to early landing – That friggin guy sits in front of me on every flight!

Justin Bieber Under Investigation For Attempted Robbery – Concert goers file complaint after performance.

Southwest Airlines apologizes after losing elderly woman – Hey, it happens!

WHO shuts Sierra Leone lab after worker infected with Ebola – What? I don’t know.  Third base!

One in three Mexicans want to migrate to the US – The other two are already here.

Researchers tripping seniors on purpose to stop future falls – Sure, if you cripple them now they won’t be able to fall later.

Benihana sued by woman who claims improperly prepared fish made her ill – This is too easy… “She sues over sushi!”

Chelsea Clinton leaving NBC News role – This is the first I’ve heard that she had a role…Apparently $600,000 per year since 2011…pretty good gig I’d say.

Rep. Peter King slams Obama for tan suit. Hmmm the economy, Ukraine, Gaza, ISIS, Illegal immigration…fuck that, did you see what the President was wearing?

Woman Discovers Her Cat Is Cheating On HerAlso too easy and sadly groan worthy, but here it comes…you knew it would… “What, the cat is a Cheetah?”

___________________________

Last week’s fake headline was:

Man gives up smoking for a year to win $1000 bet, celebrates by buying a pack and lighting up – I’m guessing he may have cheated just a little.

And the winners are:


I thought about you when I read about the 101 year old man working in New Jersey.
Anyway, I'm going with the smoker who quit--not. I once quit smoking so my boss would give me a raise. Then I lit up again. No logical connection here,  I'm just guessing the bet had some built in's.

Joanne is almost as hard to fool as Sandee.  Visit Joanne for Photos, stories and just plain interesting stuff…no, really, check out her posts @ http://cuponthebus.blogspot.com/


There are two that could be wrong. The flying microwave and the stop smoking one. So, I'll guess the Man gives up smoking for a year to win $1000 bet, celebrates by buying a pack and lighting up.

Have a fabulous Silly Sunday. :)

This is getting ridiculous; I may have to suspend Sandee for winning too often and for accurately analyzing her answers in her comment. Oh well, she does have funny stuff @ http://comedyplus.blogspot.com/ and don’t miss her “Silly Sunday” blog hop.

 

VISIT AND CONGRATULATE THE WINNERS, AND COME BACK NEXT WEEK FOR MORE

 

STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!

Saturday, August 30, 2014

E-Cigarettes Bad?


E-Cigarettes Bad?
 
A Cranky Opinion for

CRANKY OPINION SATURDAY

The following is the opinion of a cranky old man with minimal knowledge of the subject opined.  Opposing opinions are welcome.  They are wrong, but welcome.  As always, please, no name calling, and that goes for you, you big stupid-head!

 

I have read several news stories of various groups wanting to ban e-cigarette use indoors, to restrict sales, and to heavily tax their use.  They are claiming that e-cigarettes are a gateway drug to smoking which is a gateway drug to pot which is a gateway drug to crack which is really bad stuff.  They claim e-cigarettes are targeting young people.  They claim that e-cigarette vapor contains toxic chemicals and traces of nicotine.  All of this sounds really bad.

I disagree on the gateway drug status.  Cigarettes are addicting and horrible for your health.  Cigarettes bad! But e-cigarettes a gateway drug?  They are a replacement to cigarettes, and probably harmful, but not as harmful as cigarettes.  I think the ultimate gateway drug is library paste.  Everyone I ever knew who ate library paste in kindergarten ended up smoking cigarettes and ultimately ended up as crack addicts.  Ban library paste.  Library paste bad!

If the e-cigarette people are targeting young people, stop it.  The product does have nicotine and nicotine bad! 

Does the e-cigarette vapor contain toxic chemicals and traces of nicotine?  Maybe, though the chemicals are not named.  I would like to see people with colds or the flu being banned from exhaling indoors.  I would rather live in e-cigarette vapor than take a single whiff of cold or flu phlegm.

E-cigarettes are not good for you.  Neither are nicotine gums or nicotine patches.  They do help people quit smoking.  They helped me quit smoking.  The patch sucked.  The gum sucked.  The e-cigarette allowed me to quit cold turkey and if I was about to hit the wall I could take a little drag to help me get by.  Without it I might have bummed a butt and then broken down and bought a pack and once you do that you are done; cold turkey fail.  The e-cigarettes are a crutch when you try and quit.

I am sure there are people who use the e-cigarette that have never smoked a cigarette.  I have never known one, but they must exist.  Everyone I have ever known to try the e-cigarette did so to replace the real thing.

I just have this sneaky feeling that the people who are disgusted with cigarettes see the e-cigarette as a “loop-hole” to traditional smoking and they don’t like it.  They want smokers to quit and suffer.  They feel smokers deserve to suffer.  They must not be allowed an alternative.  E-cigarettes bad!

Are they bad?  Probably, but they are less bad, and they do not affect other people.  Can you just throw smokers a bone?  I know we all love to hate smokers, but there are other people and products to hate.

Hate sugar and sugar substitutes.  Sugar is making people fat, giving people diabetes and costing the healthcare system a fortune.  Soda companies target young people with this poison.  Sugar is addictive!  Oh yes it is!  It probably kills more people than cigarettes.  Sugar bad!

Hate legalized gambling.  Gambling ruins thousands of lives every day.  It ruins the life of the addicted gambler and the lives of everyone who has a connection to the addict.  Legalized gambling bad!

Hate plastic surgery.  Just watch any of the Bravo “Housewives” TV shows and you will know…Plastic surgery bad!

Hate booze.  Booze is the gateway to stupidity.  Booze bad!

Hate hate!  Hate people that hate.  Read the news, hate is the greatest cause of misery in this world.  Hate bad!

E-cigarettes are not good for you, but they are better than the alternative and they help many people kick a nasty habit.   Leave them along. Hate the other stuff.

 

The preceding has been the opinion of a cranky old man, and not necessarily that of management…Mrs. Cranky.