STUPID HEADLINES 030319
This week’s stupid headlines and my
stupider sometimes sophomoric comments.
__________________________________
California man accused of DUI drove
car with anti-DUI sign – He is practicing how to breach.
Florida man arrested for allegedly
throwing cookie at girlfriend – Assault with a tasty weapon.
Alligator in Florida catches golf
ball in mouth during tournament: 'It saved me from a hazard penalty' – Golfer got a free drop, but
retrieving the ball was a little dicey.
Elderly man visits IHOP every day for
34 year - If this
was my claim to fame, I would rather just remain a nobody.
Division II men’s basketball team
forgot some luggage at home and had to wear opponent’s jerseys - With each team wearing the same jersey,
this must have been a very low scoring game.
Martha Stewart partners with pot
company to develop products – “Yo, like it’s a good thing…for real!”
Southwest Airlines sues mechanics – Yeah, that’s who I want to fly with,
an airline that pisses off the people who maintain their engines.
South Dakota students hit the 'Beach'
as university deems 'Hawaiian Day' a 'culturally insensitive' name – I’m upset at all the non-WASP people
eating bland boiled food and showing no emotion…this is clearly appropriation of my
proud WASP culture!!
Florida woman bitten by stray kitten
billed by hospital for $48G: ‘My funeral would have been cheaper’ – Well her insurance covered all but
$4000, so in effect, one way or the other, we all paid…egad!
Florida man who allegedly threatened
family with Coldplay lyrics ends standoff after SWAT promises him pizza – I got nothing for this headline
except “Damn I Love Florida!”
Woman complains to cops that she got
brown sugar instead of cocaine – Surprisingly this was in the UK, not Florida.
FEEL-GOOD STORY of THE
WEEK
With one arm, 8-year-old swats homer
at Cardinals spring training – If you need your day brightened up…This kid is great!!
That woman bitten by the cat needs to have her bill checked, and i wonder if the 'gator swallowed the ball.
ReplyDeleteAre these headlines genuine?
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Florida took it home this week. I thought California was the loony bin. Well it is, but Florida is giving us a run for our money.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day, Joe. ☺
I love Florida, it is a great state, I think cold weather and low taxes drive a few loonies south. Still it is a great beautiful state.
DeleteYes, it might have been cheaper for the kitten-rescuer to forget about that kitten, and play golf with an alligator.
ReplyDeleteWell Martha has been hanging out with Snoop Dog.
ReplyDeleteSouthwest airlines has had a bit of trouble in the last week...exploding engines and bad landings...that's usually our go-to fly machine but maybe I'll wait until the little dispute with the mechanics is over.
ReplyDeletePlease know that we have a water filter and do *NOT* drink the same water that all those Florida headlines drink...
ReplyDelete