STUPID HEADLINES 011716
It is time again for
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| Wait...What? |
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY
This week’s stupid headlines and my stupider,
sometimes sophomoric comments.
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Sex with Neanderthals may explain modern allergies – I
don’t know about allergies, but I am repulsed by women with one eyebrow and a
ridged forehead.
Virginia woman, 19, lifts burning truck to save her
father's life – But first
she asked, “How many weeks did you say I’m grounded?”
Volunteers will be used to cuddle, feed goats at Virginia farm – Sixty
percent of the volunteers are named Habib.
The other forty percent volunteered to feed the goats.*
Students advised to stop chanting 'U-S-A, U-S-A' and 'air ball' – Now
told to cheer, “You were very good, we just got lucky; even though we won, you
weren’t all that yucky.”**
Barack Obama sells optimism to
nervous nation – “Optimism, optimism, get your red hot optimism here!”
Possible pirate skeleton found under schoolyard – That
is where Pirates learned the three Arrrgh’s. (I apologize for the obligatory pirate Arrrgh joke)
Lawsuit demands US remove 'In God We Trust' from money – Since
I know some people worship at the altar of the almighty dollar, I think all money is unconstitutional.
Boozy 10K to offer runners wine instead of water – Do
not expect any record times.
Farmer cut off his right hand in failed ploy for insurance money – He
didn’t get any money, but he did spite his face.***
WHAT IT
FEELS LIKE TO SLEEP IN AN ACTIVE VOLCANO – It’s not so bad, with a good
breeze the wind chill factor can make it feel like 183.
Flying turkey ruffles feathers about 'emotional support' animals on
planes – Too bad another passenger didn’t have an emotional
support bobcat.
Jeb Bush releases 60-second TV
ad attacking 'jerk' Donald Trump –
Trump answered
back by calling Jeb “A big fat doody head!” Finally some intelligent debate.
*I apologize to all non-head chopping, little boy diddling, female abusing middle-easterners who we all know to be wonderful peace loving people.
**I must say the "USA USA" chant does get on my nerves a bit.
***That probably should be to spite his arm, but face just sounded funnier to me.
*I apologize to all non-head chopping, little boy diddling, female abusing middle-easterners who we all know to be wonderful peace loving people.
**I must say the "USA USA" chant does get on my nerves a bit.
***That probably should be to spite his arm, but face just sounded funnier to me.
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Come back next week for more:
STUPID HEADLINE SUNDAY!!
As God as my witness, I swear I didn't know turkeys can't fly.
ReplyDeleteLove the booze-fueled 10K. It reminds me of my plans for a miniature golf course wherein participants would be rewarded with a free mixed drink for every hole-in-one made. Bartenders/referees would be situated at strategic places on the course to verify and hand out drinks. I wanted to call it "Putt 'n Puke". I have thus far been unable to find any backers.
ReplyDeleteYou may have come to the right place, Suldog.
DeleteWeek after week after week - HILARIOUS! (your follow up quips I mean!)
ReplyDeleteIn my youth that 10K would have been a must do.
ReplyDeleteBoozy 10k? Maybe that's what it will take to get me to sign up for 10k...
ReplyDeleteThat's a bumper crop of sophomoric comments this week!
ReplyDeleteyou're a mess. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a scream!
ReplyDeleteI want to run/drink that 10K. That's my kind of race. Probably will take me about a week to finish, but what a week it will be.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day Cranky. ☺